i have a family of cardinals that go "TWO!!!TWOOO!!!TWOOO!!" in a tree outside our bedroom at 5am and it's really, really loud and annoying. i don't think it's legal to kill songbirds and i'm in an urban enough environment that i couldn't discharge anything but an airgun without raising some yuppified eyebrows.

someone make it go away or offer a suggestion of how to discreetly-eliminate the fucker. i like animals except for these things so i'm open to things banned in international warfare.

if anyone can figure out a way to involve fire, that would be phenomenal.