Chances of the following events occurring at the upcoming porno convention this weekend:

3 to 1: Chance of Jack Lawrence getting caught making out with Pamela Peaks in the elevator.

2 to 1: Chance that Donny Long is jealous of her.

5 to 1: Chance that one of the whores up for "Favorite Oral Starlet" sucked off Mike Ramone, thinking it would help her chances of winning.

7 to 4: Chance that Zero Tolerance doubles their year-to-date sales by giving out free DVDs at their booth.

15 to 1: Chance that Jenna's tits finally weigh less than the rest of her body.

40 to 1: Chance that Kurt Lackwood and Gram Ponante share a "Coke and a Smile."

3 to 2: Chance that Hailey Young ODs and misses Sunday, just like she did last year.

20 to 1: Chance Dennis Hof pulls some last minute strings, and Isabella Soprano wins FAME award for "Hottest Body."

6 to 4: Chance that makeup consumption per whore exceeds five pounds.

2 to 1: Chance that TT Boy threatens someone.

7 to 6: Chance that Brandon Irons is afraid it's him.

Even Money: Chance that Naomi skips the whole weekend.