The rolling train wreck that is Mary Carey's life, as documented by her official biographer, Luke Ford:

Mary Carey, Kevin Blatt Phone Me At 2:38 AM


Listen to the audio. Mary and Kevin called from KB’s place in Chatsworth. Mary says KB’s nutted two times. In the background, KB repeatedly yells for help.

These two (Kevin Blatt, Mary Carey) belong together.

Mary went to Dr. Dre’s party Saturday night. She got drunk. She popped a few xanax. She called Kevin and asked him to f— her.

KB: "I don’t think so."

Mary: "Come get me. I’m drunk."

He drove over, picked her up, brought her back to his place. KB got drunk…

During their trysts, a fire alarm went off at 1:30 a.m. which prevented the neighbors from hearing Mary’s screams.

Mary woke up at 4:30 a.m. and asked him, "Who are you? Where am I? I want pizza."

KB: "Go to bed."

Mary got punchy.

KB: "Listen to me. I’ll kick you out into the courtyard naked and you won’t know how to get back in here."

Mary: "Ooh."

She goes to sleep.

She wakes up. "Who are you? Are you a rapist?"

KB: "What?"

Mary: "How did I get here? What hotel are we at?"

They awoke Sunday morning to the smell of alcohol oozing out of the others’ pores. At 9 a.m., looking worse for the wear, they were spotted at a Chatsworth Starbucks.

Since they parted, Mary’s exhibited signs of being in love, hitting KB up every few minutes to get together. KB keeps saying, "I can’t."

Asked to explain his behavior, KB says, "I was drunk. She took advantage of me."

When KB turned on VH1 Sunday, he saw Mary Carey on Celebrity Badgirls.

"What did I do?" thought KB.

"Two thirty eight in the morning? Wow. I don’t remember. When you didn’t call me Sunday, I figured it was all a dream."

Luke: "Did you use a condom?"

KB: "No comment."

Luke: "Get thee to AIM."

"How does Mary look in the morning after she wakes up?"

KB: "I can’t go there."

Luke: "She’s pretty funny."

KB: "She’s a blast."

Luke: "What does Mary like to say while…"

KB: "Look at me. Have you seen my clips on TMZ?"

"I’m back on the wagon. Me and Holly Randall and David Schlesinger."

KB’s slept with 60 women this year. "It’s all because of this movie The Secret. My whole life changed when I saw The Secret."

I call Mary at 12:38 p.m. Monday. She says: "Hi Luke. I’ll call you back. I’m having sex."

+++++++

You can take the girl out of the trailer park....

At least she's mixing with real celebrities like Kevin.

Kevin Blatt has absolutely no taste and no sense of dignity, whatsoever! Who would have thought...

Who the fuck is Kevin Blatt? I know John, Todd and Scott Blatt but I never heard of this Kevin dude.

Who's Kevin Blatt? Why, he's entry number two on Mary's cell phone, right after "A is for Booze" you'll find "Blatt, Kevin".