I have crumbs on my loveseat that are bigger than the shits you take that are bigger than me. Blah blah blah. All I got out of your message is that you brag about your dumps. More power to you. That's what moms do when they praise their potty training 3 year olds. "Hooray! Way to go! Thanks for the prize in the potty!"

My friend, I was on the receiving end of a magnificent blowjob earlier this evening by superslut Jackie Ashe. All is right with the world.

You have over 5,500 posts and the only thing you can do is wax eloquently about bodily functions and bitch that other dudes are getting head. Brilliant.

I'll bet $100 that you have a photo album filled with pics of coiled up, angry turds lying in wait in your toilet. Some are the size of pythons. Others are more garden snake variety with weird striations. All are your sad bowel children, the only things you love in life. Why? BECAUSE OTHER DUDES ARE GETTING HEAD IN SUNNY LOS ANGELES!!! GGGGrrrrrr!!!!! AAAAAAArrrrrrrggggg!!!!

Don't get me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry....
just shut up, you turd-worshipping fecal freak. Being green with envy is only an expression. It's high time you got down with the brown and did everyone a favour by dunking your head in your dookie-filled crapper. It won't make anyone respect you but it just might shut you up for a minute.