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[Hijack] To steal a phrase from George "The Fatman" Clyde: What A Meshuggeneh Joint. Welcome back, BTW.

I love this place. It's fucking nuts. Nobody's who they pretend to pretend they are, and you never know what somebody's going to do:

My pal Conky, to my great surprise, tells me yesterday that I'm "Too Nice" for XPT. I was, to say the least, taken aback. How little he knows me, I thought. Well, he'll change his tune when he sees This Video Of Me Beating Up A Retard. Actually, along with a few others, I was asked to tone things down a bit a couple of flame wars ago by a Mod who shall remain nameless. So I have.

My friend and sometimes collaborator Bornyo says I bash ADT too much. Then he goes and creates this ADT bashing thread. All the while, he's singlehandedly leading a Maquis-like movement trying to recruit dissaffected ADT posters like my old buddy The Unknown Pervert, and HoustonDon, who has done nothing but bash ADT since he's been here.
Lest you misread me, I say this not in anger, or resentment, or consternation. I like Bornyo. He's one of the sharpest knives in the XPT drawer. And I support his effort to bring good posters to XPT. It's just an observation of the truth of the old saw: A foolish consistancy is the hobgoblin of small minds.

Speaking of small minds, I don't want to make this Hijack TOO long. The Hate Bots will accuse me of having a meltdown. For those of you unfamilliar with the term, the Hate Bots are gnarled, hairy, troll-like creatures that dwell in XPT's nether-regions. occasionally venturing out in search of victims. They are ill-tempered, have a limited vocabulary and are overly fond of emoticons. They seem to feel that any post longer than two words is a meltdown, an amount commensurate with their second grade education.

The leader of the Hate Bots is BIFF. Unlike his minions, BIFF has several things going for him: He's more intelligent and has a better vocabulary than the others; He's occasionally original and sometimes even funny; and He's the only member of the Hate Bots that I'm Sure is not an alt-id. Unfortunately, while BIFF is a great Sprinter, he's not a Distance Runner, and after a while, he tires and resorts to the hackneyed "You Fag." "No, You're a Fag " routine. With proper training, he might make a formidable opponent. But he seems too lazy, too undiciplined, to make the effort.

Second in command of the Hate Bots is Papercut. I'm certain he's an alt-id, but I haven't found that one missing piece of the puzzle yet. Paperclip's schtick is a direct ripoff of BIFF's lesser material. Notable quotes include " ", "" and "". His one moment of originality was when he asserted that I "try too hard," an assertion that was immediately seized upon by BIFF and Dane (see below.)

Where Papercut's schtick is a ripoff of Biff, Palmolive's is a ripoff of Papercut. Like making a photocopy of a photocopy, he's dull, fuzzy and lacks focus. The most unoriginal of the Hate Bots, Soap Suds is most definately an alt-id, having given me the proof just yesterday. I won't share that info with y'all right now, lest it tip off others.

Oliver Cramwell, one of the minor, alt-id Hate Bots, is actually well-educated and capable of original thought. This weekend, I was informed of his true identity by a highly placed source. However, I am sworn to secrecy as to his real-id, as my source prefers to handle the matter quietly and without embarrassing the poster. As my source has a lot of clout, I'm going to do what he says.

Young Dane is a Twink and a Hate-Bot wannabe. This is just a phase, though, as most guys wanted to be "Bad Boys" at that age. Eventually, he'll grow out of it. Overcoming Twinkdom will be a much harder affair. Perhaps we can send him to one of those camps, like the one that "cured" Ted Haggard.

Elsewhere, Chico Travieso is, and remains, a cool, cool cat, although he had a brief Hardware moment when he locked the Sal Mckvey thread. Jamesn takes on the Stagliano-Devereaux empire and, with Willie D. chases Darth off the board. Threesomebody pops her head in and lets off a couple of shots in order to prove her XPT cred, although she still does the majority of her posting at ADT. Baby G. takes some awsome photos of some less than awesome people, while Luke still can't figure out his auto-focus. Zenman and TMonty, two of my favorites, have been strangely quiet this past week, as has LouCypher. Also strangely quiet are the Dynamic Duo of Have2Cit and ElGlorioso. On the legal front, Moxie reviews Escorts and the Duke Travesty, while Pornlaw plugs his show, PrimeTimeUncensored. Monstar helps Nikki Benz change in his car after the XRCO awards, providing us with hilarious video. Eddie Normous plans his trip to the States, while a crimially psychotic travel agent forces the return of The Fatman from Europe. Also returning this week is the one and only Windsock, and I, for one, am glad. Sometimes, The Sock is the only one who makes sense around here. Speaking of making sense, King and I debate War, Geopolitics and the Justice Department with Gen. Turgidson and a decidedly inebriated Elaborator. No animals were harmed during the course of the debate. DanG gets a new avatar, while Loopnode discovers that the criminal justice system can be hard on a five-year-old. Da Burglar continues his pursuit of Holly while trashing Mia, thereby continuing his love/hate relationship with women with substance abuse problems. Ava, meanwhile, puts the kibosh on the Rose Sisters' entry into the world of Trailer Trash TV. Victoria Sin posts some lovely pics, while a dipshit fuck-tard named Old Dirty Bastich tries to take a potshot. Other fuck-tards of note include Tritone, who tries to race-bait the lovely Baby G, and Happyhog, who may be an alt-id for S***TT. Finally, my dear friend GiGi remains "Muppetlicious."

Whew. This really wasn't supposed to be an "XPT Week in Review." Just wanted to express my love of this place, and of all of you. Even the Hate Bots. They're amusing, really, in their own way. This place is strange, crazy, and so are the people in it. Myself included. That's what I love about it. Seems a shame when people start talking about throwing people overboard, or who's gonna be traded to ADT.

Okay, Enough "Burglar-izing." Sermon over. I'm going to go stroke it to Katsumi now. Try not to kill each other.

Oh, and Ceara, I didn't forget about you. It's just that you, and your panties, are "irrelevant." [/Hijack]

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Hello Frisco.