Quote:

Quote:

Yeah, I threw in an extra "s". I'm the fucking messiah, what are you going to do about it?



Laugh my ass off, of course. I haven't worked a Christmas since he turned Hippie. Although I do stop by Rome to catch Benedict's schtick. I love the funny hats. After all these years, that gag never gets old.

So you want to be the new Messiah? It's about time I filled that position, since JC doesn't want to do it. Tell you what: Send a PM to St. Peter with your CV and references. He handles all the personnel decisions, now that I'm semi-retired. I think we could use a man of your caliber.



Took a while to update this thing, seriously, it's been since the Middle Ages:

The Lord
Objective
My objective is to draw on my professional experiences and enrich a dynamic and progressive workplace.

Experience
0-6 Days - Cosmic Void - Nothingness
Startup Solutions Manager

Used limited resources to create a rich multi-textural business environment.
Improved integrated human resources potential by creating a system of internal management capable of governing the sounds issuing from neck parts of humans.
Took bold steps to overcome inequalities in the workplace by making difficult choices about how many different types of human reproductive organs there should be. Hovered on three, decided on two for efficiency's sake.
Oversaw large-scale construction projects and the implementation of turnkey solutions in real-world situations.

8 Days-1938 AD - Celestial Empyrean - Heaven
Chief Executive Officer

During tenure witnessed record employee growth from none to everyone.
Weathered a major management shakeup that saw a corporate split and the departure of several trusted executives.
Annual profits exactly equal GDP of all nations combined.
Excellent employee retirement packages for all levels of workers (some restrictions, although things can generally be worked out at the employee's request).
Saw excellent growth in North and South America from about 1600 AD to present and managed to beat out several competitors.

1939-1945 - Celestial Retreat - Spiral Arm, Galaxy 435-32
Board Chair

Managed a six-year executive retreat handling an exclusive client list.
Reports from COO King of Kings indicate things ran smoothly back at the home office during my absence.
Humans have jets. Pretty neat stuff!

1946-Present - Celestial Empyrean - Heaven
Chief Executive Officer

Human exports to moon rise exponentially.
Oversaw creation of information technology department and subsequent upgrades. Dramatically more efficient than tablet-based data storage.
Integrated automation initiative streamlines operations and concentrates earning potential in productivity sectors.
Despite conflicting reports in North American, European and Middle Eastern markets, brand loyalty exceeds centennial expectations.

Education
1993-1995 - ITT Technical Institute - Charlotte, NC

Associates degree in Computing.
Received top honors in MS Word and MS Money.
Designed a computer RPG called "Blood Goblet" with EGA graphics.

Interests
Flooding things, meteors, filicide, honey pots, salt pillars, epidemiology.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson