Ego of the year
Best inanimate object stuck in someone's ass (this would be open to male and female, no reason to discriminate against Lockwood)
addiction of the year
eating disorder of the year
verbal and physical catfights of the year
Pamela Peaks lifetime achievement in genetic modification award
business rip off of the year (otherwise known as the Martin Del Torro award)
the tempting fate HIV high risk behavior of the year