OK, I've had it - again. After reviewing (ff'ing) hours and hours and hours of porn since stumbling into this business in 1999, I've come to the conclusion that today's porn completely sucks and here's why:

1. For the most part, the chicks that label themselves 'stars' and collect the big money are fucking nasty skanks who wouldn't get picked up in a bar at closing time. God, what I wouldn't give to see some hot looking bitch getting plowed and enjoying it!

2. There's WAY too much anal. Yea, anal. We've all seen it 100 million times - get the fuck over it. Sure, throw it in there with equal billing, but to fucking pound some skanks ass for the entire 40 minute scene is absolutely, positively, completely boring.

Just to make sure I have your attention HEY, LAZY ASS DIRECTORS (and I use 'director' as a joke) who say "fuck man, my last anal flick sold 4 more units than that last blowjob video so I better knock out a few thousand more" STOP IT - enough already!!!

3. Pay for some fucking real music. I am so tired of hearing looped synthesizer music I can shit.

4. Features, stop using green screens when shooting and then adding in a totally fake digitally enhanced background you shot someplace like Tahiti. Fuck, we all need a way to write off our vacations, but rent a fucking set already or find a way to shoot on location without getting the talent and crew arrested.

5. All these 'award' shows are a joke. How about all these idiots that make money selling tickets to fixed award shows start being real to consumers. I propose that each 'award' organization make their picks and send it to some accountancy corp who tallies the vote. The shit with the most votes wins - period. There's only one award show and all the companies split the revenue *OR* they play poker for it, with winner takes all.

6.Hey idiot wholesaling product for $6 a unit - stop being such a god-damn poser. Just because (in your mind) you're 'big-time' it doesn't mean that you can really afford the lease payments on that $200,000+ car. Be real, like the rest of us in CA and buy a fucking car, but stop at the S class. It costs enough already. I'm actually tired of laughing at the idiots that sold one big movie go to the poor house.