Driving around today, a few thoughts came to mind:

1. Princess Roundface never did join the Navy like she pretended. She needs to be in a pornographic remake of the naval classic Mister Roberts. I propose to following changes:

XO Roberts (Henry Fonda): Eva Engelina
Captain Morton (Jimmy Cagney): Heidi Joy Pike
Doc (William Powell): Cara Lott
Ensign Pulver (Jack Lemmon): Sierra Sinn

I'd suggest lots of FFM scenes, except for the Captain. S/he should suffer a heart attack and die early into the voyage, thus avoiding the need to see her mammary glands bared in public.

2. There should be a porno film or series called "Starved for Attention." I realize this is the "title tail" wagging the "content dog," but I'm sure it would sell like hotcakes in Nigeria.

3. There should be a Violation of Kurt Lockwood, where young women seemingly wanting carefree sen first entice Skurt to a remote location. When the douchebag-in-waiting arrives, they first arouse him, then accost him with a child's thermometer inserted into his winkytiki, then break it with a ball peen hammer.

4. A film where whores are led by Jakko into Neverland Ranch, to be seduced and sodomized by random perverts tempting them with "Jesus Juice" and lots of crappy Jakko jokes like "When does Michael know it's bedtime? When the big hand touches the little hand." (snap).

I'm still looking for a company to allow me to produce/direct my Wheelchair Birthday Bukkake.

Jeff, how about it? You know I will work for free.

It goes like this:

Two whores sitting in a Holiday Inn Room. One of them just turned 18 so she is in a giddy birthday mood. The other whore presents her with a large birthday cake but then tells her "Now that you are 18 it is time you REALLY grew up."

In wheel 18 dudes in wheelchairs, completely NUDE except for the fake plastic Firemen Hats on their heads. They all make weird-ass Siren sounds as they enter the room. The Older, non birthday whore tells the just-turned-18 whore that she needs to finish growing up by blowing all 18 crippled firemen. While the 18 year old blow bangs the gang, the other whore is setting up the birthday cake with 18 candles all burning brightly.

After blowing the guys for a while the crippled firemen wheel away for a few minutes while the older whore tells the 18 year old to lie down on the floor and place the birthday cake with its burning candles just below her tits. THEN, the crippled fire brigade returns, with their fake voice-sirens blaring, and dicks in hand. one by one they proceed to "put the fire/candles out" by bukkake-ing the whore and the birthday cake...needless to say eating the cake will culminate the scene. You can have another 5 or 6 whores simply waltz in just for the eating of the cake...I highly recommend Sierra Sinn for the Eating of the Birthday Bukkake Cake, what you can do is show her blazing up with a Bong in another room...she puts the Bong down and now has a severe case of Munchies. At that point her phone rings and it is the whore from the Birthday Bukkake inviting her over for cake, which Sierra readioy agrees. You could also have a eating disorder sidebar, by having a chick like Gia scarf down a couple pieces of the cake, then cut to the bathroom and show her hunched over the header "wrist deep" in her mouth.

AVN award winning scene right here folks....


Seriously Jeff, this is a marketing bonanza. You can Bill it also as "Da Burglar's First (and last) porn scene directorial debut/curtain call." Instant collectors addition. I am not shitting you, I'll gladly do it....think about it...it is so stupid it's brilliant.

Wheelchairs are woodkillers.

How "shortly" after her accident, Burg? I have this image of you digging this chick's pussy and ass out of the snow while the sound of rotor blades on the medi-vac can be heard in the distance.