God, when I was a teen seeing a soft-core spread of some corn-fed playmate was jackoff gold. These days, if it isn't some interweb clip of some whore being abducted and gang-banged in the back of a van, it isn't even worth watching.

Implications for porn and the future of human sexual relations aside, what is up with that? Those old paper bags people used to throw out would have a heavy dose of Sears catalogues mixed in with the "hard core" stuff. Hell, even Cherry and Hustler used to fake penetration, with the infamous "limp dick two inches away from her mouth" shots.