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#216976 - 12/01/10 09:03 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Thinking about it. I need one. Goddamn bass teacher. How did a 19yr old kid get so fucking brutal.
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#216978 - 12/05/10 02:50 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 5287
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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It's been an oddball fucking week or so of boozing. A bar server girl I like gave me her number the other day. Then she immediately told me she is seeing someone else. Then we started texting. Then I get a phone call and get cursed out by the lesbian she is apparently dating. Then I went back to the bar a few days later and her girlfriend hits on me without knowing I'm the guy she cursed out.
Then I tried texting another floozy that I met a while back. It turns out that someone else has her number and I start texting with the woman who now has the number. She turns out to be a 30 year old, hot college dean in Tennesse named Nikki. I originally told her that I knew she was hot because only hot girls & pornstars get to use the name Nikki.
Mostly I've been drinking fancy, Irish whiskey or red wine. Oh, I went to a shitty concert the other day and they were only serving beer & wine. Everyone else was drinking from these tiny little wineglasses. I ordered a double cabernet, served in a plastic cup. They gave me a giant plastic cup of red wine, filled all the way to the top. And I promptly spilled a bunch of it on their carpet.
Also, I seem to have fractured a rib somehow this week. It hurts whenever I cough or get up.
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"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#216979 - 12/05/10 06:12 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
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^This post's made me think how strange it is that it's somehow considered normal to date someone via text nowadays. I've friends that've hung out with a girl or guy maybe a few times, yet text every day. This can go on for months with very little actual contact. Done it myself. Doin it now. Strange thing.
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Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"
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#216980 - 12/05/10 06:20 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 5287
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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^Yeah, I never even talk on the phone anymore. Mostly I just send people random thoughts via texts. Like, when this woman told me she was from Tennessee, I told her my idea for a joke about a time traveller from 500 years into the future who comes back to visit us with a strong Southern accent. "Y'all wanna hear about teh future? I travelled way back in time in this here fancy gizmo."
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"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#216981 - 12/05/10 07:03 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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You two don't even want to know what shows up in my text inbox. And what kind of idiot mixes Guinness and Sake?
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#216985 - 12/06/10 12:39 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
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Just watched a shitty movie and had a few bottles of Cabernet with a chick that had the biggest tits I've ever had the pleasure of handling. And I'm not fucking kidding. She came into my bar a few weeks ago, with her parents, and came home with me. Third time over my place. Just split. Has to work in the morning. And here I am, too drunk to leave. Can we pick up the pace here? Where the fuck is everyone? Really. 
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Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"
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#216986 - 12/06/10 12:49 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
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I spent the afternoon drinking bottles of Aventinus Eisbock, which is more of a wheat wine and less of a beer.
I just woke up...
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#216987 - 12/06/10 01:05 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
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Just read some mixed reviews on the Aventinus Eisbock. Mostly good, except for some blogger.
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Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"
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#216988 - 12/06/10 01:15 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
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Ordinary Aventinus is a bit better in my opinion but they are very similar. Main difference is 8.2% vs 12%.
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#216991 - 12/06/10 09:59 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 5287
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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Quote:
I just woke up...
I woke up smelling like a stripper's bad breath.
_________________________
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#216993 - 12/06/10 04:42 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
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...and no real indication any of which came from an actual stripper.
_________________________
Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"
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#216994 - 12/06/10 04:54 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
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It's way better than waking up smelling like a strippers fucked ass.
Or is it?
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#216996 - 12/06/10 07:06 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 5287
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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Quote:
...and no real indication any of which came from an actual stripper.
Unless, of course, you happen to understand English grammar. "stripper's bad breath" refers to the bad breath of a stripper, rather than referring to some special kind of bad breath. The smell went away the moment I got up and washed my face.
In this case, there happens to have been two strippers. I had them double-team dancing in my lap at The Great Alaska Bush Co. One of them asked me for my number and I have no fucking clue now which one it is. I've been sending her non-specific texts today. She called my number at 2:30am so that I'd have her number, then she forgot to hang up the phone.
I got a 5 minute voice-mail that consists of the two of them conversing. Being strippers, this message sounds like the gibberings of two mental patients. The only part I can clearly make out is, "Your fucking shoes turned my toes black!!!" I think I might block my caller ID and call her. No one ever answers blocked calls, so I'm hoping it'll go straight to voice-mail and I'll get a, "Hey, this is Candy, leave a message," type greeting. But, knowing strippers, she probably has a fucking song as a greeting.
I was supposed to go to Bush with one of my lesbo friends so that she can apply for a security job, only she keeps backing out of our plans. Lesbians, apparently, are the least reliable people on the planet. Nothing she says she's going to do ever actually happens. Also, she works a good job making decent money, but can never pay the rent on time and she drives a beat up truck. Speaking of vehicles, her lesbo ex-girlfriend had a car for 5 years and never checked or changed the oil, so the engine blew up. She replaced the engine and then did the exact same thing to the new engine.
_________________________
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#216998 - 12/06/10 08:43 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 5287
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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^ Well, I was referring to the smell being like a particular stripper's bad breath. I just don't remember which one. Lol. It was either a short, thick one who kinda looked like she might be 2-3 months pregnant. Or a tall, thin one with the words "Dolce Gusto" tattooed on her back in large, cursive script.
As far as pills go, no mention so far. I seem to have a weird knack for meeting the one girl in the club who provides pills for the other girls. Sometimes they'll just put them in my mouth while they're dancing. Down at the club Gia worked at in Seattle, the coolest stripper I ever met used to just put weed/pills in my front pocket sometimes while she was dancing. I was supposed to take her out, but she kept getting paranoid like maybe I was a cop or in the mafia or something. Then, she got a brain tumor. Sorry, I went off down a sad memory lane.
_________________________
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#216999 - 12/09/10 06:47 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 5287
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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Quote:
Also, I seem to have fractured a rib somehow this week. It hurts whenever I cough or get up.
I guess I did fracture a rib. And, strangely, I fractured it in the first place by coughing. This has always been one of those things I've heard of, but didn't believe you could actually do. Like getting pregnant from sitting on a public toilet seat. On the plus side, they gave me some tylenol w/ codeine.
_________________________
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#217000 - 12/09/10 07:06 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Quote:
^ Well, I was referring to the smell being like a particular stripper's bad breath. I just don't remember which one. Lol. It was either a short, thick one who kinda looked like she might be 2-3 months pregnant. Or a tall, thin one with the words "Dolce Gusto" tattooed on her back in large, cursive script.
As far as pills go, no mention so far. I seem to have a weird knack for meeting the one girl in the club who provides pills for the other girls. Sometimes they'll just put them in my mouth while they're dancing. Down at the club Gia worked at in Seattle, the coolest stripper I ever met used to just put weed/pills in my front pocket sometimes while she was dancing. I was supposed to take her out, but she kept getting paranoid like maybe I was a cop or in the mafia or something. Then, she got a brain tumor. Sorry, I went off down a sad memory lane.
Brain tumor? When and whom? Was it Carly, the skinny milf with fake tits and sometimes wore glasses? I remember she died in 2004, but I wasn't told why.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#217001 - 12/09/10 07:28 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 5287
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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Quote:
Brain tumor? When and whom? Was it Carly, the skinny milf with fake tits and sometimes wore glasses? I remember she died in 2004, but I wasn't told why.
The first PM I ever sent you was about this subject (you ignored it). It was still in my "Sent" folder, so I had to read it again because I couldn't remember her name. It was Lauren, and she was from Philadelphia. I had asked if she was dancing that night and the waitress told me about her brain tumor. She said she had just been walking along and then fell over all of a sudden. They said the whole club was dancing that night to raise money for her medical bills. It would have been from right around 2004 or so, I guess. But she wasn't a MILF. She was a young, hot brunette with a little bit of a lisp like Sylvester The Cat.
_________________________
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#217002 - 12/09/10 07:37 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Whoa. I never got that message. Sorry. And yes, I remember her. She was sort of new as I was leaving Seattle around 2002. She was pretty and made a lot of money. Sadness.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#217003 - 12/09/10 08:25 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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I had some Stegmaier Gold last night. It was excellent. I am going to try their porter this weekend.
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#217004 - 12/11/10 08:04 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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Tanqueray/Noilly Prat Martinis with Spanish anchovy-stuffed green olives. I will be hurting tomorrow....
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#217005 - 12/11/10 11:32 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Omg I am so drunk. a vodka on the rocks. and a 4Loko. Some chick just said she does P.R.
I asked if that stood for penis receptor.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#217006 - 12/12/10 07:22 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
Omg I am so drunk. a vodka on the rocks. and a 4Loko. Some chick just said she does P.R.
I asked if that stood for penis receptor.
I want to hang out with drunk Gia. Odds are 10:1 your snarkiness would get me into a fight with some poor victim.
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#217007 - 12/12/10 05:04 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/30/08
Posts: 7599
Loc: a site known for its tolerance...
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Xmas party for old work. Taking a gal from my new work. She is fucking beautiful. But she is going to wear heels which is going to make my 5footeightness look hilarious to her 5footelevenness. She is newly single. Wish me luck...
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"I'll never forget the moment during the lovely Alyssa Allure's scene in 'American Bukkake' where the fellow got out of his wheel chair to ejaculate on her face. It was grotesque but had a certain frisson." -Sock
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#217008 - 12/12/10 09:25 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
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^Good luck. Don't get hung up on height, dood. They're all the same height lying down. Besides, she's goin home with you.
Hopefully. 
_________________________
Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"
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#217009 - 12/13/10 09:27 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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The porter was excellent too!
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#217010 - 12/13/10 12:58 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/01/08
Posts: 9782
Loc: Hillbilly Holler
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How tall was he ?
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I may not know arse but I know what I like !
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#217011 - 12/13/10 01:22 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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I have no idea, but she was only 12 oz and went down easy.
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#217012 - 12/16/10 06:25 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
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#217013 - 12/16/10 06:27 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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LOLZ. Good on ye. I'm drinking a Guinness myself at the moment in anticipation of something hilarious coming down the pike.
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#217014 - 12/16/10 06:29 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
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Great Lakes Winter AleI doubt you'll find this stuff outside of the Ontario/New York region but I do highly recommend it. I like "winter" beers and wish there were beers with some spiciness around all the time.
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#217019 - 12/17/10 07:54 AM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/01/08
Posts: 9782
Loc: Hillbilly Holler
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Hound dog red - Clinch mountain winery table wine.
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I may not know arse but I know what I like !
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#217025 - 12/23/10 11:22 PM
Re: Who's Drinking Tonight?
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Those puppies are 600 calories! We're sharing the evil.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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