Is there anything more annoying than Valentino's forehead? Seriously, there should be a rule in porn which excludes men with certain paramount features from performing. If you have too big of a dick: you shouldn't perform. If you have too big of a jaw: you shouldn't perform. If you have a big forehead: you definately shouldn't perform. Luckily, this film has hot chicks and a somewhat good story, so atleast I don't have to be reminded of how big Valentino's forehead is every time he's on screen.
So, the story goes that Mozart's music makes chicks horny. Salieri, Mozart's rival, cannot however seem to have this effect on the ladies. Everytime he's busy playing his harpiscord, a bird hears Mozart's music and flips out. Worse still, is that the incredibly hot Carlotta von Fallenstein (Deborah Wells) wants to get anal from Mozart because of a particular piece he wrote. Matters get worse when the Queen (Kelly 'Fuck Me' Trump) choses Mozart (Backey Jakic) over Salieri (Valentino and his forehead). So whats a brother to do? Get Mozart to write some music for you and play it for chicks. Mozart, however, is told by a whore that Salieri has been writing some really sweet tunes.
"They're not his you dumb bitch! I wrote that shit."
Mozart tells the Queen this as he's boinking her. Salieri cries. He tells some black dude (Shawn Michaels) that Mozart called the Queen a hidious wench. The black dude first fscks two girls then almost hangs Mozart as Salieri is fscking the Queen before Mozart takes back everything he said. Then Salieri fscks the Queen some more (this time outside); Mozart joins in, and then he fscks this really hot chick with brunette hair. Oh- and Shawn Michaels fscks that blonde again. The END.
Best movie ever. APPROVED!
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