I wasn't ever intentionally saying you were wrong with anything but I was trying to point out that you are neurotic and blow some issues out of proportion.

I did an interview yesterday for a college newspaper regarding the adult industry and whats controversial. I discussed how a union in this industry could do a lot of great alterations. Where performers must have their stage names registered and not have the right to use multiple names so they are easier to identify when it comes to a situation like this. And so that the industry is known to be more reliable in getting paid, in which we dont have to file indep. contractor or self employment when doing taxes and have to pay an additional percetage of what we make just because we're self employed. Many things...

And so I'll admit, I did know better coming into this industry first starting out in non-sexual films and partners right in the smack middle of chemotherapy and having to pop them sick ass pills.

But I did take more extra precaution than what AIM just had when I first started. Cuz when I first started, it was only a HIV/AIDs test that was mandatory within the industry. That didn't stop me from going to my regular doctor and get a full panel test each time I had to pay a visit, that was almost once every week and a half.

I took huge chances in getting incredibly sick with pneumonia, anything really... and only once did I get an early stage of meningitis, stopped what I was doing, took care of myself, then returned a month later. Soon after then started to do movies.

The main reason I ever inched myself to do movies was not only my undying curiosity to exploit myself to the world as an exhibitionist but also knowing at the time I only had 3-4yrs left to live. My outlook on life was this:

"I'm 20 yrs old, dated one person, my time is running out, I haven't done the wild n crazy things ive always wanted to do and now is the time for me to let loose and not care this tme. NOt a care in the world and not a person will stop me but my promises will to be true to the others that I work with and make sure im clean."

Since then I worked an average of twice a week at the most. That's not a whole lot and find it reasonable but thats my main reason. At that point in my life I was going to second guess it.

Now I dont have a time limit on my life, things could always change, I was still in the business while in remission and continued to maintain my working pace the same. It was enough to still be in touch with my true self.

This time around, things go back to almost point A and there isn't much that I can do. I realize that since I've had my taste of the wild side and did what I wanted, I can lay off a bit and concentrate on myself. Which ive been doing since Jan.

Instead with my free time, as dumb as it is, I've been going to interviews to possibly go back to working at a lab or some medical facility like I did before but how could i possibly do that all day long when I can hardly walk up my own stairs without being in excruciating pain and need to lay down every few hours?

That doesn't stop me with trying to get the jobs, at least I know there might be somewhere I can go rather than staying home a lot and running the distribution company that I have going. But that doesn't require a lot of my own time.

SO ther eyou have it, I knew better, but went for it. Give me s hit all you want but at least I'm aware of my actions and did the best I could in being clean and responsible for those I worked with.