Thanks... throat cancer just sounds utterly painful. You do so much with your throat and I'm not talking on a pornographic stand point too... drinking, swallowing food, talking, coughing... ouch. I hope he turns out okay.

Boyfriend? Well I've known him for quite some time. We've lived together for two years and about a couple months ago I've pushed myself away from him. We're more so room mates for now.

He's made a complete 360 with his lifes responsibilities of career and bills which is great all the help from me finding a job that suits him rather than working under the table but I didn't get much emotional or physical support from him. It was always "are you okay?" and "whats wrong?" when the obvious is in front of him.

It took him a while to admit he was scared to lose me and all that crap but when I have my moments of wishing I'd just die and get it over with, the pity that comes out of his mouth puts me in great doubt. It's my own insecurity therefore I've pushed away and rather do this on my own like I did before. It's hard but at least this time I know an idea of what to expect.

In the last few years Ive gone through a lot of experiences, learned a lot, changed a lot etc and it seems as though I'm not the relationship type. The desires are always there to have someone but Ive always found myself better off on my own, doing my own thing, not having to worry about someone else and having to wait for them, burden them with my own issues, be able to go anywhere and do whatever I want, things like that. Its that much easier.

Is that wrong?