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#203203 - 11/23/06 05:36 PM Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Male whores contain NO stroke value - Fundamental Law of Porn No. 2


just curious, have2cit, what's fundamental law of porn no.1?



My general knowledge says it has to be: Whores lie. (One of the basic facts I've learned here at XXXPT.)




I think this is a worthy pursuit. So far:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203204 - 11/23/06 05:59 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gigi Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
maybe not law-worthy, but worth a mention for something:

WAY too much man-ass in hetero porn. i like licking assholes as much as the next girl, but for christ's sake people, enough already. example of this: benjamin bratt in sodomy cream pies (skeeter ). completely ruins an otherwise strokeworthy haley paige scene and ends up looking like a in the process.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way." --Handful

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#203205 - 11/23/06 06:01 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
safado Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 329
Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.

Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!

Top
#203206 - 11/23/06 06:08 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203207 - 11/23/06 06:15 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Eddie Normous Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 12/09/05
Posts: 1291
#5: you shouldn't do porn



Attachments
194174-kapri.jpg (11 downloads)


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#203208 - 11/23/06 06:24 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
k1ng Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
I know this falls under GG's #3, but it should be said again or maybe with a little more specificity. Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad. jus sayin
_________________________
"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey

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#203209 - 11/23/06 06:36 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 1)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay


fn 1-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203210 - 11/23/06 06:38 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
safado Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 329
Rule #6
No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.

Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.

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#203211 - 11/23/06 06:48 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
Quote:

Rule #6
No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.

Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.




Kind of a variation on #2.

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1)
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay


fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them."
fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203212 - 11/23/06 07:09 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1)
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts


fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them."
fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203213 - 11/23/06 08:12 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Holly Randall Offline
Chronic Masturbator

Registered: 05/06/05
Posts: 1946
Loc: Outer Space
Quote:

Rule #6
No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.

Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.




Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.
_________________________
I really try to retain a respectful distance from my models, even when I'm lubing up their pussies.

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#203214 - 11/23/06 08:19 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
Quote:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1, 3)
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts


fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them."
fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
fn3-(from Holly Randall) Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.





Nuts!

Another footnote!

_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

Top
#203215 - 11/23/06 09:11 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Timmy8271 Offline
Stormy's Lawyer

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 28
Loc: Orlando Florida
When a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, It's gay.

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#203216 - 11/23/06 09:31 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Dr. Mordo Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 358
I have to say that there are male performers who are so weak that I can't watch their scenes, even if the chick is hot.

Maybe "Rule #6: If you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock"?
_________________________
"Veiny Woman? APPROVED! " -Loopnode

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#203217 - 11/23/06 09:34 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
As a variation on #2, please no cutaways to a closeup on the male performer just before the money shot. Way to ruin the moment!!

We can't be at Rule *#8 already without a Ron Jeremy ban, can we? At least for movies filmed after 1990?
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203218 - 11/23/06 09:36 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Dr. Mordo Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 358
Quote:

As a variation on #2, please no cutaways to a closeup on the male performer just before the money shot.




SECONDED! I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT!

Pet peeve.
_________________________
"Veiny Woman? APPROVED! " -Loopnode

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#203219 - 11/23/06 10:06 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
zenman Offline

Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 8160
Loc: Roma, Repubblica Italiana
Quote:

As a variation on #2, please no cutaways to a closeup on the male performer just before the money shot. Way to ruin the moment!!





That's pretty much history, isn't it? Do they still do it in features? I don't watch those.
_________________________
"All my years in p*rn didn't quite prepare me for childbirth. I mistakenly thought all the stretching I did would make this easier."

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#203220 - 11/24/06 12:02 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
DuckHunt Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
Quote:

Quote:

Rule #6
No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.

Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.




Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.




It's like choosing the lesser of the evils.

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#203221 - 11/24/06 06:48 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
SexDJ Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
Quote:

Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.

Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!



You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.

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#203222 - 11/24/06 09:27 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
DuckHunt Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
Quote:

Quote:

Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.

Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!



You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.




To homos in denial.

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#203223 - 11/24/06 10:37 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
jamesn Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
closeted faggots rent too much straight porn. rub your dick against an electric eel, you abomination.

Quote:

Quote:

Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.

Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!



You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.


_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"

Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits

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#203224 - 11/24/06 10:52 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gigi Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.

Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!



You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.




To homos in denial.


as a girl, i think it's gay as fuck also , and i'm certainly no "homophobic" guy. why these directors think that the "average" hetero porn viewer, male or female, wants to see sacs smacking together is beyond me. i've always been of the opinion that while the thought of two actual peni penetrating a girl seems cool as fuck , any guy who is willing to have his cock rubbing another cock is frankly not welcome in my pussy, ass, and/or mouth. you can use multiple toys to achieve the same effects (i.e., domination, inflicting pain, etc-- all good things ), without coming off as . i would venture so far as to say that one naked man should not come within two feet of another naked man, even if they're fucking the same chick. i call this "the 24 inches rule". tag team her, people! if it's good enough for the WWE, it's good enough for us, you know? of course, fucking a girl from behind (ass or pussy, name your poison) while she's sucking a cock in front her does not violate the 24 inches rule and thus should be done whenever humanly possible . if a porn guy needs more "assistance" in achieving the utmost violation of said whore, he should bring in another whore to help. this could be called the "girlvert rule", since most guys can't fuck a girl any harder than ashley blue does anyway. p.s. sorry this was a wicked long post.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way." --Handful

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#203225 - 11/24/06 02:32 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
SexDJ Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
Quote:

closeted faggots rent too much straight porn. rub your dick against an electric eel, you abomination.



If you're THAT afraid of your own manhood, you should spend your time reading Playboy or Newsweek and watching The Food Network. It amazes me how people in the "adult" industry are close minded little old prudes when you scrape away all the B.S.!

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#203226 - 11/24/06 02:35 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
jamesn Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.

how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"

Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits

Top
#203227 - 11/24/06 02:36 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
jamesn Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
your dad just called, he wanted to thank you for coming for thanksgiving and rubbing your cock against his.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"

Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits

Top
#203228 - 11/24/06 02:42 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
Quote:

your dad just called, he wanted to thank you for coming for thanksgiving and rubbing your cock against his.




You've worked the hate up this week, Jamesn. You're a veritable Peter North of rage when you get warmed up. Oh, the pun was intended for other parties, natch.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203229 - 11/24/06 03:25 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Soopergrizz Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
Quote:

if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.

how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.




heh heh - he said "scrumptious".
_________________________
You're all still alive?

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#203230 - 11/24/06 03:41 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
SexDJ Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
Quote:

if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.

how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.



Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!

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#203231 - 11/24/06 03:41 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
I'm with Jamesn and GG. Any time one man's cock touches another is one fucking time too many in straight porn. And how much man ass do I need to see in my stroke movies? Not that fucking much, lemme tell you.

DP isn't edgy. DP is the natural result of producers saying "Well, she's had one in her cunt and one in her ass, whaddawedonow huh?"

It's lazy porn and very, very festive

Edgy porn doesn't exist. It's all been done before and it's all just variations on a theme.

For the most part, male performers are life support machines for cocks. A huge section of the audience superimposes their face onto the male star's body so it's THEY who are fucking the porn girl. Not a male porner. That's why POV is always a popular genre.

But cocks rubbing against one another? "I think you've come to the wrong bar, sir"
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203232 - 11/24/06 03:58 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gigi Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
Quote:

But cocks rubbing against one another? "I think you've come to the wrong bar, sir"




haha! and at the xpt bar, the patrons will tell you, "no, sir. you may not push my stool in."
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way." --Handful

Top
#203233 - 11/24/06 04:45 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
DuckHunt Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
At what point do you become a prude for not liking balls slapping together?

Top
#203234 - 11/24/06 05:18 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Quote:

At what point do you become a prude for not liking balls slapping together?




Apparently, at the point at which you decide that you have no interest in seeing balls slapping together.

I'll group it with the whole "see the chick puke", "make her drink cum out of a shotglass", "Taylor Rain" genre. Lazy porn is completely accurate. You don't know how to shoot hot, hetero sex; you can't afford hot girls, so you shove three coke bottles in her ass and call it a shoot.

If you want the degredation angle, verbal is always good. And it doesn't have the instant wood-kill effect of seeing the bitch vomit while lying on her back, or watching three guys play sausage-grinder inside some meth-head's hemmorhoid. If you can't get off watching a hot girl have sex, then you should find another hobby.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#203235 - 11/24/06 05:34 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race

_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

Top
#203236 - 11/24/06 08:02 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star




Attachments
194312-L_cc02 bb_Rome_fos.jpg (14 downloads)

_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203237 - 11/24/06 08:17 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gigi Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
[quote#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star





i just don't get chicks who don't do anal. i couldn't tell you the last time i had sex and it didn't end up in my ass. then again, i'm a whore. but ass is the new pussy. plus, like skeeter says, "there's nothing like an anal romance!". and has arland kerkove ever told a lie?
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way." --Handful

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#203238 - 11/24/06 08:33 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
Quote:

[quote#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star





i just don't get chicks who don't do anal. i couldn't tell you the last time i had sex and it didn't end up in my ass. then again, i'm a whore. but ass is the new pussy. plus, like skeeter says, "there's nothing like an anal romance!". and has arland kerkove ever told a lie?




_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203239 - 11/25/06 01:35 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
steveb Offline
Bukkake Boy

Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 662
Quote:







Never mind the rules.

Thanks for the pic. I'm going to have some "quiet time".
_________________________
"Please post pics as attachments instead of just image links. I wanna see the whore's box. Not a box". - Gia Jordan

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#203240 - 11/25/06 06:49 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
charin Offline
Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus

Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
Quote:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race





#9: Piss ain't sex(y)

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy
_________________________
Fuck 'em all but nine.

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#203241 - 11/25/06 08:50 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
big moose Offline
Bukkake Boy

Registered: 08/23/06
Posts: 635
Quote:

#9: Piss ain't sex(y)

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy




it was supposed to be sexy? i confused.
_________________________
They're all human beings, and though she may be a liar and a manipulator, it's probably because she doesn't know any other way to survive.

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#203242 - 11/25/06 05:26 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss ain't sex(y)



Attachments
194428-O_airforcefull24 bbv_Martino_v.jpg (6 downloads)

_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203243 - 11/25/06 06:56 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203244 - 11/25/06 07:01 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
k1ng Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
Gunker, I must say, this thread has turned out much better than I expected. Nice work.
_________________________
"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey

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#203245 - 11/25/06 07:11 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
Quote:

Gunker, I must say, this thread has turned out much better than I expected. Nice work.




Thanks King!

I've been saving up a special picture for you...



Attachments
194447-korgtr.jpg (8 downloads)

_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

Top
#203246 - 11/25/06 07:14 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Please mimimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203247 - 11/26/06 05:46 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Sergio T. Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 07/20/03
Posts: 5256
Loc: CSW Wrestling - Gracie Academy
Quote:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)




#13. Male talent shall keep his mouth shut. We dont want to hear you grunt and graon before you cum.
_________________________

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#203248 - 11/26/06 09:31 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
c62 Offline
Human Garbage

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 1545
Loc: In the tree outside Gia Jordan...
Quote:

Quote:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)




#13. Male talent shall keep his mouth shut. We dont want to hear you grunt and graon before you cum.



To elaborate: Don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot.
_________________________
If cum was concrete, Quasarman would have a four lane freeway going down his throat. - pariah

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#203249 - 11/26/06 09:52 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
jamesn Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...

Occupation Radio DJ
Hobbies Swinging..Helping My wife get into porn
Location Pennsylvania

hi wankus, how's that radio gig? think the majority of your fans would like to rub their penises together?

i heard your uncle actually had you believing men weren't supposed to shake hands when meeting one another, rather it was traditional to rub penises and make out.

you must have had some weird christmases as a boy.

as for your wife-if you've been TRYING to get her into porn, she must be hideous. pam peaks is IN porn and your wife can't break in. that says something.

i bet you frequent swing clubs as the fat guy with burn-scars or weird polyps on his face and parade your mediocre whore wife around until you find a man desperate to rub penises with you inside her vagina. don't you feel guilty about using your own wife as a lure for opportunities to rub your dick against another man's dick.

you're a vile loser, i hope you don't have children and you eventually have the honesty to leave your wife for a man named rashaan.

fag. fag. fag. qed. fag.





Quote:

Quote:

if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.

how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.



Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!


_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"

Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits

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#203250 - 11/26/06 12:24 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)




#13. Male talent shall keep his mouth shut. We dont want to hear you grunt and graon before you cum.



To elaborate: Don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot.




#14. A threeway scene with two girls and one guy where one girl has to sit and play with herself while the other two fuck is a waste of pussy. Producers: stop being cheap and hire another cock.

#15. Close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie. Pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203251 - 11/26/06 12:31 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
John Floofin Offline
Porn Icon

Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
Quote:

#14. A threeway scene with two girls and one guy where one girl has to sit and play with herself while the other two fuck is a waste of pussy. Producers: stop being cheap and hire another cock.




I have to disagree here, only one cock per scene, please . Stack one girl on top of the other. Any configuration will do.

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#203252 - 11/26/06 12:34 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
That's fair. I just want to see that unemployed pussy put to good use.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203253 - 11/26/06 12:41 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
John Floofin Offline
Porn Icon

Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
Quote:

That's fair. I just want to see that unemployed pussy put to good use.




Absolutely.
"There shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time ".

Top
#203254 - 11/26/06 03:53 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
SexDJ Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
Quote:


Occupation Radio DJ
Hobbies Swinging..Helping My wife get into porn
Location Pennsylvania

hi wankus, how's that radio gig? think the majority of your fans would like to rub their penises together?

i heard your uncle actually had you believing men weren't supposed to shake hands when meeting one another, rather it was traditional to rub penises and make out.

you must have had some weird christmases as a boy.

as for your wife-if you've been TRYING to get her into porn, she must be hideous. pam peaks is IN porn and your wife can't break in. that says something.

i bet you frequent swing clubs as the fat guy with burn-scars or weird polyps on his face and parade your mediocre whore wife around until you find a man desperate to rub penises with you inside her vagina. don't you feel guilty about using your own wife as a lure for opportunities to rub your dick against another man's dick.

you're a vile loser, i hope you don't have children and you eventually have the honesty to leave your wife for a man named rashaan.

fag. fag. fag. qed. fag.





Quote:

Quote:

if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.

how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.



Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!






Given the fact that you're not even a fucking american..why don't you go back to your totally washed up country, and be the little-dicked waste that you really are! I'm not afraid of my manhood. Of course americans aren't. If it weren't for us bailing your worthless asses out of two world wars you'd be proficient in german. As far as my wife goes, you couldn't even come close to something that hot. Now go run along little waste pile.

Top
#203255 - 11/26/06 04:31 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
#16. Genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter.

#17. The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months.

#18. If it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp. Don't dress it up as all new scenes.

#19. If the movie is shot in HD, cast girls with good complexions.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

Top
#203256 - 11/26/06 04:54 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
jamesn Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
wait, i'm not an american? i promise the summation of my various taxes exceeded your salary last year. you're trantastic, faggot. go advertise preperation-h on the radio or something.
Quote:

Quote:


Occupation Radio DJ
Hobbies Swinging..Helping My wife get into porn
Location Pennsylvania

hi wankus, how's that radio gig? think the majority of your fans would like to rub their penises together?

i heard your uncle actually had you believing men weren't supposed to shake hands when meeting one another, rather it was traditional to rub penises and make out.

you must have had some weird christmases as a boy.

as for your wife-if you've been TRYING to get her into porn, she must be hideous. pam peaks is IN porn and your wife can't break in. that says something.

i bet you frequent swing clubs as the fat guy with burn-scars or weird polyps on his face and parade your mediocre whore wife around until you find a man desperate to rub penises with you inside her vagina. don't you feel guilty about using your own wife as a lure for opportunities to rub your dick against another man's dick.

you're a vile loser, i hope you don't have children and you eventually have the honesty to leave your wife for a man named rashaan.

fag. fag. fag. qed. fag.





Quote:

Quote:

if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.

how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.



Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!






Given the fact that you're not even a fucking american..why don't you go back to your totally washed up country, and be the little-dicked waste that you really are! I'm not afraid of my manhood. Of course americans aren't. If it weren't for us bailing your worthless asses out of two world wars you'd be proficient in german. As far as my wife goes, you couldn't even come close to something that hot. Now go run along little waste pile.


_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"

Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits

Top
#203257 - 11/26/06 05:13 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
MoronBoy Offline
Chronic Masturbator

Registered: 07/30/06
Posts: 1712
Loc: at the end of the longest line
I think there should be a move to make this a "porn law":

If it's on the box, It shall be in the movie.

Been had a couple of times on that old trick. Inexpensive tape with nice, stroke-worthy pictures on the front, only to be disappointed by a tape filled with lackluster, dimly-lit, ugly skank-whores as participants scenes!
_________________________
Twitter.com/degraderzim

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#203258 - 11/26/06 05:16 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
Quote:

I think there should be a move to make this a "porn law":

If it's on the box, It shall be in the movie.

Been had a couple of times on that old trick. Inexpensive tape with nice, stroke-worthy pictures on the front, only to be disappointed by a tape filled with lackluster, dimly-lit, ugly skank-whores as participants scenes!




In advertising class, they call those 'lead ins.'

Agreed. If a girl is doing anal on the box cover. i expect to see some anal.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

Top
#203259 - 11/26/06 05:24 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
k1ng Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
SexDJ, there is a Cambridge, Mass. as well as a Cambridge, U.K. probably a truck full of Cambridges all over for that matter.
_________________________
"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey

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#203260 - 11/26/06 06:09 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Sonny Chiba Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 12/06/05
Posts: 1135
Loc: Temple Of Doom
I like this topic although I think it's veering into what we shouldn't see as opposed to what is fact. For example "Whores Lie" is a fact. "double-pen in the same orifice is gay" is a fact. Oh fuck it, this isn't an philosophy class, let me add to the discussion....

#20. Unless your name is Andrew Blake, Let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, I don't care how much you paid your cousin to create it on his casio.
_________________________
I fucking hate you.-Jeff Steward

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#203261 - 11/26/06 11:24 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
faceblaster Offline
Elder of Zion
Porn Jesus

Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 5213
Loc: watching Bad Ronald
3) Squirt is pee. (end of story)
4) The Inverse Square Law as applied to porngirls: The longer a girl makes you wait to shoot her scene with costume and makeup delays....the worse her scene will be. The best scenes come from the girls who are ready to knock the shit out.
_________________________
I really wanted to go to that Bukake because I thought for sure that you were going to be on the receiving end. - Ryan Knox to Jeff Steward


Top
#203262 - 11/27/06 10:09 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Dick Head Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 01/18/06
Posts: 505
#2 Every whore has a price.
_________________________

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#203263 - 11/27/06 10:23 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
DuckHunt Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
#337: If you are fucking a tranny, you are fucking a guy with fake tits. Which means you're Gay, fudgepacker. Now go put on a dress and do a Pirouette.

Top
#203264 - 11/29/06 01:15 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
Quote:

#16. Genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter.

#17. The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months.

#18. If it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp. Don't dress it up as all new scenes.

#19. If the movie is shot in HD, cast girls with good complexions.




I realized we missed a howler or two:

#20. In porn, there is no such thing as good plastic surgery.

#21. If it takes the male talent more than 30 seconds to cum when he's whacking off into an open mouth/pussy/ass yell fucking CUT! There's nothing worse than watching some cro-mag banging his balls for 5 minutes or more just to see him cough his gloop when you could've been downstairs watching the game instead.

So...

#22. Female talent should make male talent cum.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203265 - 11/29/06 01:24 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
big moose Offline
Bukkake Boy

Registered: 08/23/06
Posts: 635
Quote:

#21. If it takes the male talent more than 30 seconds to cum when he's whacking off into an open mouth/pussy/ass yell fucking CUT! There's nothing worse than watching some cro-mag banging his balls for 5 minutes or more just to see him cough his gloop when you could've been downstairs watching the game instead.




i disagree. it's perversely entertaining to watch this. the guy furiously beating it, vainly trying to get something to happen. and then when he acts like, here it comes, but still nothing. and the chick is just sitting there, cycling through her "i'm so hot and nasty" faces. it's probably a good opportunity for her to imagine what else she could be doing now. good stuff. but that's just what i think. i don't watch the games, anyway.
_________________________
They're all human beings, and though she may be a liar and a manipulator, it's probably because she doesn't know any other way to survive.

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#203266 - 11/29/06 01:32 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
John Floofin Offline
Porn Icon

Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
Quote:

#20. In porn, there is no such thing as good plastic surgery.




I think they can do wonders with boobs (sometimes) and noses, but beyond that it just doesn't work (chins, lips, butts, lipo).


Top
#203267 - 11/29/06 01:38 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
Quote:


I think they can do wonders with boobs (sometimes) and noses, but beyond that it just doesn't work (chins, lips, butts, lipo).





I should amend it to:

"In porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner."

I think I've seen fewer than 10 boob jobs that I'd describe as truly good. And by that, I mean boob jokes where you have to ask if they've been done or not.

_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203268 - 11/29/06 02:04 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Quote:

Quote:

#21. If it takes the male talent more than 30 seconds to cum when he's whacking off into an open mouth/pussy/ass yell fucking CUT! There's nothing worse than watching some cro-mag banging his balls for 5 minutes or more just to see him cough his gloop when you could've been downstairs watching the game instead.




i disagree. it's perversely entertaining to watch this. the guy furiously beating it, vainly trying to get something to happen. and then when he acts like, here it comes, but still nothing. and the chick is just sitting there, cycling through her "i'm so hot and nasty" faces. it's probably a good opportunity for her to imagine what else she could be doing now. good stuff. but that's just what i think. i don't watch the games, anyway.




The best part is when the chick runs out of faces, starts contemplating the life choices that have led her to this point, loses her concentration, and then is taken by surprise when the guy suddenly finishes into her eye.

Rule XX: The more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better. If she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time.

Corollary: The money shot belongs on the face. For variety, 10% or so can be on the chin/neck/tits. Ass, stomach,or internal are scene-killers.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203269 - 11/29/06 02:35 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gigi Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
don't talk when you've got a load of cum on your tongue! i think it's hilarious when the girl is waiting for the next pop and she's still trying to talk dirty to guy number two("quah quah quah!"). in addition, i personally dislike the blowing cum-bubbles shit, but that is just my opinion.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way." --Handful

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#203270 - 11/29/06 02:52 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
Quote:

i think it's hilarious when the girl is waiting for the next pop and she's still trying to talk dirty to guy number two("quah quah quah!").




Oh. Is that what it is? I thought those chicks were just 20 per cent 'tard.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203271 - 11/29/06 03:28 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
This is also part of the "sword fighting" debate about double-whichever. When she is sucking your cock, and she has another guy's cum in her mouth, isn't that at least a little bit gay?
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203272 - 11/29/06 03:32 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
It's not somewhere I'd want to put my dick. Swilling around some other dude's cum is fairly low on my list of things to do before I die. Unless it goes hand in hand with dying of an STD. So yes, rubbing your johnson in congealed baby jam is
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203273 - 11/29/06 03:45 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
NO FAKE GAG (GUNK, GUNK, GUNK) SOUNDS!!!! Only real ones.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

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#203274 - 11/29/06 03:55 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Unfortunately, the Quack! Quack! Quack! is now part of the faking it canon, just like the infamous "Oh God!! Oh God!! I'm Cumming!! AAAAAAA!!!" has been for decades.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#203275 - 12/01/06 08:43 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
Here's my increasingly addled attempt to compile what we've decided so far:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow before proceeding
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203276 - 12/01/06 09:52 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
John Floofin Offline
Porn Icon

Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
Well done, this is essential information. We've got to get the word out. Luke?

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#203277 - 12/02/06 02:38 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
steveb Offline
Bukkake Boy

Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 662
Quote:

NO FAKE GAG (GUNK, GUNK, GUNK) SOUNDS!!!! Only real ones.



There are very few real ones.

And since 90% of people can't tell the difference/dont care just ditch the idea anyway. It's old like King Tut already.
_________________________
"Please post pics as attachments instead of just image links. I wanna see the whore's box. Not a box". - Gia Jordan

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#203278 - 12/03/06 05:17 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Eddie Normous Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 12/09/05
Posts: 1291
WHY ARE YOU IGNORING HER PAIN?


take my soul!

Top
#203279 - 12/03/06 02:10 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
Quote:

WHY ARE YOU IGNORING HER PAIN?


take my soul!




We're not ignoring her pain. From Jan 1st under new legislation, for every adult DVD rented or sold in the domestic USA, 10 cents will go towards a new fund created by Jeff to degrade her further. It's your tax dollars at work.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203280 - 12/03/06 02:56 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
lee_11 Offline
Rob Black's Crack Pipe

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 125
Quote:

Quote:


I think they can do wonders with boobs (sometimes) and noses, but beyond that it just doesn't work (chins, lips, butts, lipo).





I should amend it to:

"In porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner."

I think I've seen fewer than 10 boob jobs that I'd describe as truly good. And by that, I mean boob jokes where you have to ask if they've been done or not.






The ammended version is dead-on, Conky. There are good ones, but few and far between.

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#203281 - 12/03/06 03:10 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
Quote:



The ammended version is dead-on, Conky. There are good ones, but few and far between.




And it never seems to stop girls from visiting bad hack doctors as soon as they get off the bus. Truly depressing. I can't believe there are chicks out there who look at a bad boob job and then think "Man, I just gotta get me some of those! I really love the way her nipples point in like totally different directions! Awesome!"
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

Top
#203282 - 12/11/06 04:43 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Soopergrizz Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
Quote:

Here's my increasingly addled attempt to compile what we've decided so far:

#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow before proceeding




#29: "If you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche." - Bornyo
_________________________
You're all still alive?

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#203283 - 12/11/06 05:05 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Uomo Grassissimo!! Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
Quote:

#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time




OMG I can't stop laughing at this one!!!!

_________________________
Amo i Gemelli!! wink

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#203284 - 12/11/06 05:12 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Quote:

Quote:

#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time




OMG I can't stop laughing at this one!!!!






I'm remembering a scene with the great Jessica Jewel. She does her usual double-whatever schtick, takes the one guy's finish, then turns to the other one. He loses focus at the last second, and lands everything on her right eyelid.

At first, she just whines "you missed the mark!". Then, as it soaks into her eye and she isn't allowed to wipe it off, she spits out "I hate you so much right now!".

Hall of Fame porn right there!!
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203285 - 12/11/06 07:18 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Bornyo Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
Quote:


#29: "If you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche." - Bornyo




Grizz, I don't think I said it first. Thanks but I believe someone else said it just before me- maybe I edited it.

Edit: I found it- someones alt-id blahhh2million or whatever said it in this thread, I just condensed it: linky

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#203286 - 12/11/06 09:12 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Dick Head Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 01/18/06
Posts: 505
#30 - Girls turn 18 every day
_________________________

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#203287 - 12/12/06 04:32 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gigi Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
Quote:

#30 - Girls turn 18 every day



in some girls, this may happen more than once. (see "lori lust".)


_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way." --Handful

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#203288 - 12/12/06 08:22 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Uomo Grassissimo!! Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
Quote:

Quote:

#30 - Girls turn 18 every day



in some girls, this may happen more than once. (see "lori lust".)




That's great!!

I have always been curious about the time warp or magical elixir that permits some girls to remain 18 and 19 for several years ....
_________________________
Amo i Gemelli!! wink

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#203289 - 12/12/06 12:34 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
TMonty Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 769
What about this one?

#31: Retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due

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#203290 - 12/12/06 12:44 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gigi Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
Quote:

What about this one?

#31: Retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due



Law #31 reminded me of Ashley Blue's view of porn retirement as she reported to avninsider.com some time ago :

Girlvert Guides You Into The Galaxy

Announcing Porn Retirement Doesn't Make You Cool

There are a lot of bad career moves that, thankfully, porno is exempt from. We can get away with fucking our bosses, giving our co-workers the clap and even getting raided by the FBI. Sexual harassment in the workplace is downright mandatory in our profession, rather than an act of unprofessionalism. It is impossible to get fired from being a porn star. That is why I am here.

I have been fired from every job that I have ever had, except for porn. Flaking out for shoots, fighting with talent, forgetting my I.D., being too high on ecstasy or having a bitch attitude has never ruined my career in porno. In any other place of employment I would be fired for sure. It has taken a couple of years for me to fully appreciate this and shape up my behavior a little bit. I no longer need a designated driver at my shoots, because that is now my job as the director.

The only thing that we can all agree gets an automatic eye-rolling is when we hear the news that a performer has announced his/her/he-she's retirement. I just say ughh, whatever. That's stupid.

I don't mean the cases of occasional life-threatening disease, fatal accident or life sentence in prison. They are all not what really classify as the retirement that whores voluntarily do for attention.

If you have any true intention of moving on, silly whore, then it would be unnecessary to seek attention from those in this industry. That would be just as retarded and desperate as making all of your MySpace blogs about an ex-boyfriend, while telling people you are over him. Or having a big drug bender to celebrate that you are entering a (court-ordered) rehab.

Also, it is inevitable that you will make your "huge" comeback. All of the chicks that I know of who have thrown in the cum rag have picked it up again for at least a few more loads. Who knows? I may be as old as Dave Hardman's mom one day and really need to make some cash. Or perhaps my family will need to pay for my funeral by selling my corpse to a necrophilia production company.

The bottom line is that no one fucking cares in porn when you retire. Why should the public give a black dick for a whore when she aborts what we love about her most?


— Ashley Blue

_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way." --Handful

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#203291 - 12/12/06 12:49 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Dick Head Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 01/18/06
Posts: 505
Quote:

The bottom line is that no one fucking cares in porn when you retire. Why should the public give a black dick for a whore when she aborts what we love about her most?


— Ashley Blue



nice

#32 - for every one pornstar that goes down, two will take her place.
_________________________

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#203292 - 12/12/06 12:52 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
TMonty Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 769
Words of wisdom from Ms. Blue, indeed.

Law #31 was actually inspired by the "Jessie Summers leaves Porn for God" thread where jrv wrote:

Quote:


She'll be back after she gets out of rehab and rent is due.




How prophetic...

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#203293 - 12/12/06 12:57 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Uomo Grassissimo!! Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
Quote:

What about this one?

#31: Retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due





Corollary to #31: whores are never retired, just between jobs.
_________________________
Amo i Gemelli!! wink

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#203294 - 12/14/06 09:30 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203295 - 12/15/06 02:12 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Timmy8271 Offline
Stormy's Lawyer

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 28
Loc: Orlando Florida
37: Braces and porn do not mix. It's just too freaky.

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#203296 - 12/15/06 04:41 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Sergio T. Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 07/20/03
Posts: 5256
Loc: CSW Wrestling - Gracie Academy
38.Directors shall keep babling to a minimum.
39. Limit stills. I hate seeing flash bulbs go off at the wrong time.
_________________________

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#203297 - 12/15/06 06:16 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Uomo Grassissimo!! Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
Quote:

37: Braces and porn do not mix. It's just too freaky.




I strongly OBJECT to this proposed rule and hereto submit the attached evidence:







_________________________
Amo i Gemelli!! wink

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#203298 - 12/15/06 08:07 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
It Was Fun Offline
aka Gen Padova
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4517
40.) Not everything is meant or intended to be sexy, so stop trying to make the 18yr olds look like 40yr old street hookers. (Meatholes was fucking hot but not necessarily sexy.)

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#203299 - 12/15/06 09:05 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Soopergrizz Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
Quote:

40.) Not everything is meant or intended to be sexy, so stop trying to make the 18yr olds look like 40yr old street hookers. (Meatholes was fucking hot but not necessarily sexy.)




I have a bigger problem with the reverse - putting a tartan skirt on DeBella doesn't make her a teen!
_________________________
You're all still alive?

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#203300 - 12/15/06 09:42 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Uomo Grassissimo!! Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
Quote:

Quote:

40.) Not everything is meant or intended to be sexy, so stop trying to make the 18yr olds look like 40yr old street hookers. (Meatholes was fucking hot but not necessarily sexy.)




I have a bigger problem with the reverse - putting a tartan skirt on DeBella doesn't make her a teen!




or sexy!
_________________________
Amo i Gemelli!! wink

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#203301 - 12/15/06 11:03 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
There is something fundamentally hot about an over-the-hill porn star trying desperately to pretend she is still 19. And the same goes for a just off the bus 18 year old trying to dress up like a Victoria's Secret model and not quite managing to pull it off.

My main problem with Meatholes is: Not All Body Fluids are Sexy. The human body can emit sweat, spit, piss, shit, cum, snot, vomit, and blood. And I really don't need to see most of that. What's next, earwax money shots?
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#203302 - 12/15/06 03:26 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
charin Offline
Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus

Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
Quote:

...

My main problem with Meatholes is: Not All Body Fluids are Sexy. The human body can emit sweat, spit, piss, shit, cum, snot, vomit, and blood. And I really don't need to see most of that. What's next, earwax money shots?



#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)

Well, I guess it is up to me to defend vomit. I started #10 with just "piss ain't sex(y)". I ain't into scat. But I have downloaded a lot of stuff from the JM vomitorium, and I do think vomit is sexy when it comes as a direct result of throat fucking. Well, not the vomit itself, but the fact that the action was extreme enough to cause the whore to puke.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy
_________________________
Fuck 'em all but nine.

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#203303 - 12/15/06 06:15 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203304 - 12/26/06 10:51 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Bumping because I just remembered another one: Keep the shoes on! Real Porn Stars Fuck In Their High Heels.

It makes their legs look better, and it just gives a wonderfully trashy edge to the whole scene to see the bitch nude except for a set of 5" stripper heels. Bonus points if there is wear and tear on them which makes it obvious she wears them on stage.

Not a foot/shoe fetish thing at all, more a leg thing and a preference for the talent to look as whorish as possible. (although the Girl-Next-Door trying to wear heels that she can't walk in is also hot.)
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203305 - 12/27/06 12:42 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Donkey Punch Offline
Rob Black's Crack Pipe

Registered: 08/12/06
Posts: 76
41. No one wants to see the whore get fucked. We all want to see the girl next doorbeing made into the whore.

i.e. Obnoxious bitches like Tory Lane yelling loudly about what a whore they are is not sexy at all and has no stroke value. Because they don't mean it, its empty and hollow, I cite the first LOP. But, a fresh young GND reluctantly admiting that they are a whore when prompted is always sexy, epsecially with that glazed, dazed, looking into the abyss that has become their lives and seeing themselves for who they truly are with no fronts or delusions look in their eyes, while that cock is pounding in their asses, that moment of realiziation for themselves that yes, "I am a whore, I really am, oh my god, someone please give me a bump to put this nightmare to bed again".

But that sweet escape is only temporary, and its only a matter of time until sobriety hits them in a moment of self realization. Its the not knowing that drives them crazy and into the depths of insanity, not knowing when that moment will be coming again, it could hit at any time, goddamn the waiting is killing me, someone please make it stop, save me before I am forced to save myself the only way I know how to truly make it stop.

I love that shit.


Basically the deer in the headlights girls, Max is great at finding them, exposing them, and capturing them on video for us all to enjoy. God bless us, everyone.

FXV


-The Punch
_________________________
"This may hurt a little, but its something you'll get used to"

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#203306 - 12/27/06 06:05 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
charin Offline
Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus

Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
If her hand is on it, it's a hand job.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy
_________________________
Fuck 'em all but nine.

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#203307 - 12/27/06 07:14 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
I love the moments of realization, but they are few and far between. Even the freshest-off-the-bus porn "star" will rarely break down on-camera, or have her breakdown make the final edit.

And there is something to be said for the over-the-top porn whore acting crazy. Porntube has a great clip of Tory Lane BTS. Some poor flunky is painting her face with faux cum to simulate the money shot. It all seems to be on her face, but she freaks out anyway, screeching that it is in her hair and that "this isn't how it should be!!" before storming off.

I'm no fan of Debbi Diamond (at least after seeing her schtick for the fifth or sixth time), but there is something to be said for the overacting, overcompensating whore trying to hide their inner shame. And I still love the "nude, except for her 5" heels" look.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203308 - 12/30/06 10:15 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Abe Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 11/23/06
Posts: 323
No cum dodging allowed.
No jerking away, no shirking of duty to accept each and every drop.
Eyes/mouth must be kept open until the very end.


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#203309 - 12/31/06 08:22 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (Gucci handbag, penicillin, etc.)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203310 - 01/05/07 09:22 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29)
#42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203311 - 01/05/07 10:18 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
smutspov Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
Quote:

Bumping because I just remembered another one: Keep the shoes on! Real Porn Stars Fuck In Their High Heels.

It makes their legs look better, and it just gives a wonderfully trashy edge to the whole scene to see the bitch nude except for a set of 5" stripper heels. Bonus points if there is wear and tear on them which makes it obvious she wears them on stage.

Not a foot/shoe fetish thing at all, more a leg thing and a preference for the talent to look as whorish as possible. (although the Girl-Next-Door trying to wear heels that she can't walk in is also hot.)




It's a crime against pornography to let a whore kick off her heels mid scene. Another common misconception is mistaking a shoe fetish for a foot fetish. Fuck that, porn seems to cater more to foot fetishists.
Hooker heels and fuck me boots add an intoxifying decedance to the overall aesthetic.
Anybody can just strip and fuck, but it takes dedication to dress for sex and if the whores would rather spend their money on speed keep a wardrobe on set, budget Fredericks' of Hollywood into your production.

_________________________
"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman

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#203312 - 01/06/07 07:37 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29)
#42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina)
#43: whores can't do porn forever; sometimes you have to grow up and move on
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

Top
#203313 - 01/19/07 11:20 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much)
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
#11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show
#12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum
#14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot
#15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time
#16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston
#17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter
#18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months
#19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes
#20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits)
#21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie
#22: if an act is described as “her first time”, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time
#23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools
#24: squirt is pee (see #10)
#25: every whore has a price
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
#27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner
#28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow
#29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency
#30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes
#31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores
#32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche
#33: girls turn 18 every day
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum
#38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting
#39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquest”, “Private Gladiator”) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang?
#40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
#41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29)
#42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina)
#43: whores can't do porn forever; sometimes you have to grow up and move on
#44: when a whore holds off anal for too long, no one cares
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203314 - 01/22/07 07:30 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
#45: If you are shot out and get breast implants, you are still shot out.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

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#203315 - 01/22/07 08:38 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Timmy8271 Offline
Stormy's Lawyer

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 28
Loc: Orlando Florida
46: Snorting cum kills brain cells.

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#203316 - 01/22/07 08:54 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Abe Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 11/23/06
Posts: 323
TIMMEEEEE!!! Yes, it probably does so stop now before it's too late.



There are other things to snort, don't do them either unless you're a porn whore...


Attachments
207928-south park timmy.jpg (12 downloads)


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#203317 - 01/25/07 09:34 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Browser Offline
Max Hardcore Prison Bitch

Registered: 01/19/07
Posts: 204
Rule: Never talk about your kids on your porn site. A real wood killer. From Leah Luv's site.
THIS YEAR…
01/17/2007 09:12 PM
Is very promising for me. In 2 months my kid turns 4. Yay. Hes getting soo big. Last year we went to Disneyland and he was just tall enough, so we rode the Matterhorn (is that how its spelled?) at least 4 times. He had a blast. This year he’s even bigger so its on [...]

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#203318 - 01/25/07 10:12 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Moxie Offline
Human Garbage

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 1557
Loc: New York
Cum on the face, good. Cum in the hair, better, especially if the whore shows her surprised disgust at this degradation.
_________________________
"This thing is ready to do damage!"

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#203319 - 01/25/07 10:37 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Uomo Grassissimo!! Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
Never talk about your kids on your porn site. A real wood killer.

No issue for me. How do you think we get a MILF? No brats, no MILFs. My favorite was the bts interview of Krista Lynn Lovely where she describes how she managed to get pregnant TWICE before the age of 21 - first at 15!

Krista Lynn Lovely on 1st pregnancy: WHOOOOPS!!
Krista Lynn Lovely on 2nd pregnancy with diff father: WHOOOOPS, Again!!





Cum on the face, good. Cum in the hair, better, especially if the whore shows her surprised disgust at this degradation.

Not sufficiently different from, and not as well-written or arousing as, my favorite of the rules:

RULE #26: The more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time!!

I just LOVE that "whimper" & "rewind time"!!

_________________________
Amo i Gemelli!! wink

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#203320 - 01/25/07 10:38 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Already covered by my rule #26

Quote:

#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time


_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203321 - 01/26/07 08:18 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1-#44: see above
#45: if you are shot out and get breast implants, you are still shot out
#46: never talk about your kids on your porn site; a real wood killer

Slowly closing in on 50...
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203322 - 02/19/07 12:39 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Moxie Offline
Human Garbage

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 1557
Loc: New York
Move to add two new laws.

-The more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in hot pants and clear heels, the better. A whore dressed as a high school cheerleader has less stroke value than a cheerleader dressed as a whore.

-All porn whores escort. You can't be a little bit pregnant or a little bit of a whore.

This may be covered if you put ALL of the following together, but seems sufficiently distinct to warrant a separate rule. Besides, it's pretty damn obvious.

#25: every whore has a price
#34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
#36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities”
_________________________
"This thing is ready to do damage!"

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#203323 - 02/19/07 12:58 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Quote:

The more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in hot pants and clear heels, the better.




+1.

There is a great Jessica Darlin scene in "Up the Whazoo Too" that perfectly illustrates this. She is obviously having trouble with the high heels, looks out of place in the hot pants, and sounds ridiculous trying to pull off lines such as "what is this outfit a little too ... provocative ... for you"? and "fuck.lunch!". It just adds to the anticipation that she isn't going to be up for the treatment she is about to receive.

_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203324 - 02/23/07 09:04 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Gunker Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
#1-#47: see above
#48: during anal sex, the phrase “fuck the shit out of me” (or variations thereon) shouldn’t be uttered
#49: the more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in how she's dressed (e.g. hot pants, clear heels, etc.), the better
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.

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#203325 - 03/01/07 10:07 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
JasonH Offline
Gay For Pay

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 954
#50. Dairy products at room temperature aren't sexy.
_________________________
Why do you black guys like to ruin white girls? I guess for the same reason you like to ruin white neighborhoods. -NitneLiun

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#203326 - 03/01/07 10:25 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Willie D Offline

Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 9184
#51 Skurt Lackwood is a tool.

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#203327 - 03/01/07 10:54 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
Quote:

#50. Dairy products at room temperature aren't sexy.




This could refer to any of a number of things:

1) Trinity Loren - Though her dairy production isn't all that is at room temperature, and I don't mean her IQ, for a change.
2) "Cottage Cheese" - See Lisa Ann thread
3) Fake cum shots - though I thought they stopped using Dairy for these
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203328 - 03/01/07 11:14 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Bornyo Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
I've withheld comment in this thread because it occurs to me that God got his point across with only Ten Commandments.

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#203329 - 03/01/07 11:22 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Calvin Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
He left a lot out, though. And allegedly he added at least one on edit.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson

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#203330 - 03/02/07 08:58 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
Conky Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
And Jamesn told me God previewed the 10 Commandments, too. Jamesn hates that.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH

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#203331 - 03/10/07 12:31 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
pornosseur Offline
Rob Black's Crack Pipe

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 52
Loc: Mid America
How about this one -

No matter how disconcerting it really is, porn chicks will keep yowling, howling, or making noises like retards on Jell-O Day at the hospital... because they think it's "sexy."
_________________________
Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume? ~Richard Fleischer

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#203332 - 03/10/07 12:43 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
papercut Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 10/04/06
Posts: 522
Quote:

How about this one -




No.
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Gigi, it's like you're putting a rainbow in all of our hearts... - faggypatty

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#203333 - 06/01/07 08:29 AM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
charin Offline
Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus

Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
Wiping your ass with the Bill of Rights is obscene.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy
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Fuck 'em all but nine.

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#602893 - 12/12/13 07:12 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn [Re: Gunker]
nassim Offline
Bukkake Boy

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 720
Jerkules thought this thread needs to be bumped. I agree. This list needs to be amended. "Whores lie is a great way to kick off a listicle. But "anal flowers are not sexy" needs to occupy the second spot.
_________________________
I think she's hot, hot, hot and that gives her vagina tattoo bonus points. The cat-nose-and-whiskers, though, makes me wonder. That doesn't seem like a smart tattoo at all.

-- Rear Admiral

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#602895 - 12/12/13 07:39 PM Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn [Re: Gunker]
Jerkules Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
I think Gunker did a more recent version of the list w/ about 50 items on it. Around the time Gunker's Girl popped in here for a while.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral

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