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#203204 - 11/23/06 05:59 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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maybe not law-worthy, but worth a mention for something: WAY too much man-ass in hetero porn. i like licking assholes as much as the next girl, but for christ's sake people, enough already. example of this: benjamin bratt in sodomy cream pies (skeeter ). completely ruins an otherwise strokeworthy haley paige scene and ends up looking like a in the process.
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"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#203206 - 11/23/06 06:08 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203208 - 11/23/06 06:24 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
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I know this falls under GG's #3, but it should be said again or maybe with a little more specificity. Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad. jus sayin
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"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey
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#203209 - 11/23/06 06:36 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 1) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
fn 1-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203211 - 11/23/06 06:48 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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Quote:
Rule #6 No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.
Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.
Kind of a variation on #2.
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1) #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them." fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203212 - 11/23/06 07:09 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1) #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them." fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203213 - 11/23/06 08:12 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 05/06/05
Posts: 1946
Loc: Outer Space
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Quote:
Rule #6 No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.
Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.
Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.
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I really try to retain a respectful distance from my models, even when I'm lubing up their pussies.
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#203214 - 11/23/06 08:19 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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Quote:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1, 3) #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them." fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad." fn3-(from Holly Randall) Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.
Nuts!
Another footnote!
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203215 - 11/23/06 09:11 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Stormy's Lawyer
Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 28
Loc: Orlando Florida
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When a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, It's gay.
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#203216 - 11/23/06 09:31 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 358
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I have to say that there are male performers who are so weak that I can't watch their scenes, even if the chick is hot.
Maybe "Rule #6: If you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock"?
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"Veiny Woman? APPROVED! " -Loopnode
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#203217 - 11/23/06 09:34 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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As a variation on #2, please no cutaways to a closeup on the male performer just before the money shot. Way to ruin the moment!!
We can't be at Rule *#8 already without a Ron Jeremy ban, can we? At least for movies filmed after 1990?
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203220 - 11/24/06 12:02 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
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Quote:
Quote:
Rule #6 No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.
Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.
Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.
It's like choosing the lesser of the evils.
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#203221 - 11/24/06 06:48 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
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Quote:
Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.
Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!
You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.
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#203222 - 11/24/06 09:27 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
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Quote:
Quote:
Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.
Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!
You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.
To homos in denial.
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#203224 - 11/24/06 10:52 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.
Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!
You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.
To homos in denial.
as a girl, i think it's gay as fuck also , and i'm certainly no "homophobic" guy. why these directors think that the "average" hetero porn viewer, male or female, wants to see sacs smacking together is beyond me. i've always been of the opinion that while the thought of two actual peni penetrating a girl seems cool as fuck , any guy who is willing to have his cock rubbing another cock is frankly not welcome in my pussy, ass, and/or mouth. you can use multiple toys to achieve the same effects (i.e., domination, inflicting pain, etc-- all good things ), without coming off as . i would venture so far as to say that one naked man should not come within two feet of another naked man, even if they're fucking the same chick. i call this "the 24 inches rule". tag team her, people! if it's good enough for the WWE, it's good enough for us, you know? of course, fucking a girl from behind (ass or pussy, name your poison) while she's sucking a cock in front her does not violate the 24 inches rule and thus should be done whenever humanly possible . if a porn guy needs more "assistance" in achieving the utmost violation of said whore, he should bring in another whore to help. this could be called the "girlvert rule", since most guys can't fuck a girl any harder than ashley blue does anyway. p.s. sorry this was a wicked long post.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#203225 - 11/24/06 02:32 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
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Quote:
closeted faggots rent too much straight porn. rub your dick against an electric eel, you abomination.
If you're THAT afraid of your own manhood, you should spend your time reading Playboy or Newsweek and watching The Food Network. It amazes me how people in the "adult" industry are close minded little old prudes when you scrape away all the B.S.!
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#203226 - 11/24/06 02:35 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#203227 - 11/24/06 02:36 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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your dad just called, he wanted to thank you for coming for thanksgiving and rubbing your cock against his.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#203230 - 11/24/06 03:41 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
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Quote:
if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!
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#203231 - 11/24/06 03:41 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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I'm with Jamesn and GG. Any time one man's cock touches another is one fucking time too many in straight porn. And how much man ass do I need to see in my stroke movies? Not that fucking much, lemme tell you. DP isn't edgy. DP is the natural result of producers saying "Well, she's had one in her cunt and one in her ass, whaddawedonow huh?" It's lazy porn and very, very festive Edgy porn doesn't exist. It's all been done before and it's all just variations on a theme. For the most part, male performers are life support machines for cocks. A huge section of the audience superimposes their face onto the male star's body so it's THEY who are fucking the porn girl. Not a male porner. That's why POV is always a popular genre. But cocks rubbing against one another? "I think you've come to the wrong bar, sir"
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#203234 - 11/24/06 05:18 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Quote:
At what point do you become a prude for not liking balls slapping together?
Apparently, at the point at which you decide that you have no interest in seeing balls slapping together.
I'll group it with the whole "see the chick puke", "make her drink cum out of a shotglass", "Taylor Rain" genre. Lazy porn is completely accurate. You don't know how to shoot hot, hetero sex; you can't afford hot girls, so you shove three coke bottles in her ass and call it a shoot.
If you want the degredation angle, verbal is always good. And it doesn't have the instant wood-kill effect of seeing the bitch vomit while lying on her back, or watching three guys play sausage-grinder inside some meth-head's hemmorhoid. If you can't get off watching a hot girl have sex, then you should find another hobby.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203235 - 11/24/06 05:34 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203236 - 11/24/06 08:02 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
Attachments
194312-L_cc02 bb_Rome_fos.jpg (14 downloads)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203238 - 11/24/06 08:33 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#203240 - 11/25/06 06:49 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
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Quote:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: Piss ain't sex(y)
-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy
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#203242 - 11/25/06 05:26 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss ain't sex(y)
Attachments
194428-O_airforcefull24 bbv_Martino_v.jpg (6 downloads)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203243 - 11/25/06 06:56 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203244 - 11/25/06 07:01 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
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Gunker, I must say, this thread has turned out much better than I expected. Nice work.
_________________________
"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey
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#203246 - 11/25/06 07:14 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Please mimimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203249 - 11/26/06 09:52 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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Occupation Radio DJ
Hobbies Swinging..Helping My wife get into porn
Location Pennsylvania
hi wankus, how's that radio gig? think the majority of your fans would like to rub their penises together?
i heard your uncle actually had you believing men weren't supposed to shake hands when meeting one another, rather it was traditional to rub penises and make out.
you must have had some weird christmases as a boy.
as for your wife-if you've been TRYING to get her into porn, she must be hideous. pam peaks is IN porn and your wife can't break in. that says something.
i bet you frequent swing clubs as the fat guy with burn-scars or weird polyps on his face and parade your mediocre whore wife around until you find a man desperate to rub penises with you inside her vagina. don't you feel guilty about using your own wife as a lure for opportunities to rub your dick against another man's dick.
you're a vile loser, i hope you don't have children and you eventually have the honesty to leave your wife for a man named rashaan.
fag. fag. fag. qed. fag.
Quote:
Quote:
if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#203250 - 11/26/06 12:24 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13. Male talent shall keep his mouth shut. We dont want to hear you grunt and graon before you cum.
To elaborate: Don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot.
#14. A threeway scene with two girls and one guy where one girl has to sit and play with herself while the other two fuck is a waste of pussy. Producers: stop being cheap and hire another cock.
#15. Close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie. Pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#203251 - 11/26/06 12:31 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Icon
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
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Quote:
#14. A threeway scene with two girls and one guy where one girl has to sit and play with herself while the other two fuck is a waste of pussy. Producers: stop being cheap and hire another cock.
I have to disagree here, only one cock per scene, please . Stack one girl on top of the other. Any configuration will do.
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#203252 - 11/26/06 12:34 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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That's fair. I just want to see that unemployed pussy put to good use.
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I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#203253 - 11/26/06 12:41 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Icon
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
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Quote:
That's fair. I just want to see that unemployed pussy put to good use.
Absolutely. "There shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time ".
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#203254 - 11/26/06 03:53 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
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Quote:
Occupation Radio DJ Hobbies Swinging..Helping My wife get into porn Location Pennsylvania
hi wankus, how's that radio gig? think the majority of your fans would like to rub their penises together?
i heard your uncle actually had you believing men weren't supposed to shake hands when meeting one another, rather it was traditional to rub penises and make out.
you must have had some weird christmases as a boy.
as for your wife-if you've been TRYING to get her into porn, she must be hideous. pam peaks is IN porn and your wife can't break in. that says something.
i bet you frequent swing clubs as the fat guy with burn-scars or weird polyps on his face and parade your mediocre whore wife around until you find a man desperate to rub penises with you inside her vagina. don't you feel guilty about using your own wife as a lure for opportunities to rub your dick against another man's dick.
you're a vile loser, i hope you don't have children and you eventually have the honesty to leave your wife for a man named rashaan.
fag. fag. fag. qed. fag.
Quote:
Quote:
if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!
Given the fact that you're not even a fucking american..why don't you go back to your totally washed up country, and be the little-dicked waste that you really are! I'm not afraid of my manhood. Of course americans aren't. If it weren't for us bailing your worthless asses out of two world wars you'd be proficient in german. As far as my wife goes, you couldn't even come close to something that hot. Now go run along little waste pile.
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#203255 - 11/26/06 04:31 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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#16. Genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter.
#17. The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months.
#18. If it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp. Don't dress it up as all new scenes.
#19. If the movie is shot in HD, cast girls with good complexions.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#203256 - 11/26/06 04:54 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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wait, i'm not an american? i promise the summation of my various taxes exceeded your salary last year. you're trantastic, faggot. go advertise preperation-h on the radio or something. Quote:
Quote:
Occupation Radio DJ Hobbies Swinging..Helping My wife get into porn Location Pennsylvania
hi wankus, how's that radio gig? think the majority of your fans would like to rub their penises together?
i heard your uncle actually had you believing men weren't supposed to shake hands when meeting one another, rather it was traditional to rub penises and make out.
you must have had some weird christmases as a boy.
as for your wife-if you've been TRYING to get her into porn, she must be hideous. pam peaks is IN porn and your wife can't break in. that says something.
i bet you frequent swing clubs as the fat guy with burn-scars or weird polyps on his face and parade your mediocre whore wife around until you find a man desperate to rub penises with you inside her vagina. don't you feel guilty about using your own wife as a lure for opportunities to rub your dick against another man's dick.
you're a vile loser, i hope you don't have children and you eventually have the honesty to leave your wife for a man named rashaan.
fag. fag. fag. qed. fag.
Quote:
Quote:
if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!
Given the fact that you're not even a fucking american..why don't you go back to your totally washed up country, and be the little-dicked waste that you really are! I'm not afraid of my manhood. Of course americans aren't. If it weren't for us bailing your worthless asses out of two world wars you'd be proficient in german. As far as my wife goes, you couldn't even come close to something that hot. Now go run along little waste pile.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#203257 - 11/26/06 05:13 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 07/30/06
Posts: 1712
Loc: at the end of the longest line
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I think there should be a move to make this a "porn law": If it's on the box, It shall be in the movie. Been had a couple of times on that old trick. Inexpensive tape with nice, stroke-worthy pictures on the front, only to be disappointed by a tape filled with lackluster, dimly-lit, ugly skank-whores as participants scenes!
_________________________
Twitter.com/degraderzim
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#203259 - 11/26/06 05:24 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
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SexDJ, there is a Cambridge, Mass. as well as a Cambridge, U.K. probably a truck full of Cambridges all over for that matter.
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"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey
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#203260 - 11/26/06 06:09 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 12/06/05
Posts: 1135
Loc: Temple Of Doom
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I like this topic although I think it's veering into what we shouldn't see as opposed to what is fact. For example "Whores Lie" is a fact. "double-pen in the same orifice is gay" is a fact. Oh fuck it, this isn't an philosophy class, let me add to the discussion....
#20. Unless your name is Andrew Blake, Let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, I don't care how much you paid your cousin to create it on his casio.
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I fucking hate you.-Jeff Steward
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#203261 - 11/26/06 11:24 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Elder of Zion
Porn Jesus
Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 5213
Loc: watching Bad Ronald
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3) Squirt is pee. (end of story) 4) The Inverse Square Law as applied to porngirls: The longer a girl makes you wait to shoot her scene with costume and makeup delays....the worse her scene will be. The best scenes come from the girls who are ready to knock the shit out.
_________________________
I really wanted to go to that Bukake because I thought for sure that you were going to be on the receiving end. - Ryan Knox to Jeff Steward
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#203262 - 11/27/06 10:09 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 01/18/06
Posts: 505
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#2 Every whore has a price.
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#203266 - 11/29/06 01:32 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Icon
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
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Quote:
#20. In porn, there is no such thing as good plastic surgery.
I think they can do wonders with boobs (sometimes) and noses, but beyond that it just doesn't work (chins, lips, butts, lipo).
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#203268 - 11/29/06 02:04 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Quote:
Quote:
#21. If it takes the male talent more than 30 seconds to cum when he's whacking off into an open mouth/pussy/ass yell fucking CUT! There's nothing worse than watching some cro-mag banging his balls for 5 minutes or more just to see him cough his gloop when you could've been downstairs watching the game instead.
i disagree. it's perversely entertaining to watch this. the guy furiously beating it, vainly trying to get something to happen. and then when he acts like, here it comes, but still nothing. and the chick is just sitting there, cycling through her "i'm so hot and nasty" faces. it's probably a good opportunity for her to imagine what else she could be doing now. good stuff. but that's just what i think. i don't watch the games, anyway.
The best part is when the chick runs out of faces, starts contemplating the life choices that have led her to this point, loses her concentration, and then is taken by surprise when the guy suddenly finishes into her eye.
Rule XX: The more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better. If she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time.
Corollary: The money shot belongs on the face. For variety, 10% or so can be on the chin/neck/tits. Ass, stomach,or internal are scene-killers.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203269 - 11/29/06 02:35 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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don't talk when you've got a load of cum on your tongue! i think it's hilarious when the girl is waiting for the next pop and she's still trying to talk dirty to guy number two("quah quah quah!"). in addition, i personally dislike the blowing cum-bubbles shit, but that is just my opinion.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#203271 - 11/29/06 03:28 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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This is also part of the "sword fighting" debate about double-whichever. When she is sucking your cock, and she has another guy's cum in her mouth, isn't that at least a little bit gay?
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203273 - 11/29/06 03:45 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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NO FAKE GAG (GUNK, GUNK, GUNK) SOUNDS!!!! Only real ones.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#203274 - 11/29/06 03:55 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Unfortunately, the Quack! Quack! Quack! is now part of the faking it canon, just like the infamous "Oh God!! Oh God!! I'm Cumming!! AAAAAAA!!!" has been for decades.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203275 - 12/01/06 08:43 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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Here's my increasingly addled attempt to compile what we've decided so far:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow before proceeding
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203276 - 12/01/06 09:52 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Icon
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
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Well done, this is essential information. We've got to get the word out. Luke?
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#203278 - 12/03/06 05:17 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 12/09/05
Posts: 1291
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WHY ARE YOU IGNORING HER PAIN? take my soul!
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#203280 - 12/03/06 02:56 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 125
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Quote:
Quote:
I think they can do wonders with boobs (sometimes) and noses, but beyond that it just doesn't work (chins, lips, butts, lipo).
I should amend it to:
"In porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner."
I think I've seen fewer than 10 boob jobs that I'd describe as truly good. And by that, I mean boob jokes where you have to ask if they've been done or not.
The ammended version is dead-on, Conky. There are good ones, but few and far between.
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#203282 - 12/11/06 04:43 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
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Quote:
Here's my increasingly addled attempt to compile what we've decided so far:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow before proceeding
#29: "If you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche." - Bornyo
_________________________
You're all still alive?
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#203284 - 12/11/06 05:12 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Quote:
Quote:
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
OMG I can't stop laughing at this one!!!!
I'm remembering a scene with the great Jessica Jewel. She does her usual double-whatever schtick, takes the one guy's finish, then turns to the other one. He loses focus at the last second, and lands everything on her right eyelid.
At first, she just whines "you missed the mark!". Then, as it soaks into her eye and she isn't allowed to wipe it off, she spits out "I hate you so much right now!".
Hall of Fame porn right there!!
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203285 - 12/11/06 07:18 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
#29: "If you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche." - Bornyo
Grizz, I don't think I said it first. Thanks but I believe someone else said it just before me- maybe I edited it.
Edit: I found it- someones alt-id blahhh2million or whatever said it in this thread, I just condensed it: linky
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#203286 - 12/11/06 09:12 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 01/18/06
Posts: 505
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#30 - Girls turn 18 every day
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#203287 - 12/12/06 04:32 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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Quote:
#30 - Girls turn 18 every day
in some girls, this may happen more than once. (see "lori lust".)
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#203290 - 12/12/06 12:44 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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Quote:
What about this one?
#31: Retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due
Law #31 reminded me of Ashley Blue's view of porn retirement as she reported to avninsider.com some time ago :
Girlvert Guides You Into The Galaxy
Announcing Porn Retirement Doesn't Make You Cool
There are a lot of bad career moves that, thankfully, porno is exempt from. We can get away with fucking our bosses, giving our co-workers the clap and even getting raided by the FBI. Sexual harassment in the workplace is downright mandatory in our profession, rather than an act of unprofessionalism. It is impossible to get fired from being a porn star. That is why I am here.
I have been fired from every job that I have ever had, except for porn. Flaking out for shoots, fighting with talent, forgetting my I.D., being too high on ecstasy or having a bitch attitude has never ruined my career in porno. In any other place of employment I would be fired for sure. It has taken a couple of years for me to fully appreciate this and shape up my behavior a little bit. I no longer need a designated driver at my shoots, because that is now my job as the director.
The only thing that we can all agree gets an automatic eye-rolling is when we hear the news that a performer has announced his/her/he-she's retirement. I just say ughh, whatever. That's stupid.
I don't mean the cases of occasional life-threatening disease, fatal accident or life sentence in prison. They are all not what really classify as the retirement that whores voluntarily do for attention.
If you have any true intention of moving on, silly whore, then it would be unnecessary to seek attention from those in this industry. That would be just as retarded and desperate as making all of your MySpace blogs about an ex-boyfriend, while telling people you are over him. Or having a big drug bender to celebrate that you are entering a (court-ordered) rehab.
Also, it is inevitable that you will make your "huge" comeback. All of the chicks that I know of who have thrown in the cum rag have picked it up again for at least a few more loads. Who knows? I may be as old as Dave Hardman's mom one day and really need to make some cash. Or perhaps my family will need to pay for my funeral by selling my corpse to a necrophilia production company.
The bottom line is that no one fucking cares in porn when you retire. Why should the public give a black dick for a whore when she aborts what we love about her most?
— Ashley Blue
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#203292 - 12/12/06 12:52 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 769
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Words of wisdom from Ms. Blue, indeed.
Law #31 was actually inspired by the "Jessie Summers leaves Porn for God" thread where jrv wrote:
Quote:
She'll be back after she gets out of rehab and rent is due.
How prophetic...
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#203294 - 12/14/06 09:30 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow #29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency #30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes #31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores #32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche #33: girls turn 18 every day #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due #35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunitiesâ€
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203295 - 12/15/06 02:12 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Stormy's Lawyer
Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 28
Loc: Orlando Florida
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37: Braces and porn do not mix. It's just too freaky.
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#203297 - 12/15/06 06:16 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
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#203301 - 12/15/06 11:03 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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There is something fundamentally hot about an over-the-hill porn star trying desperately to pretend she is still 19. And the same goes for a just off the bus 18 year old trying to dress up like a Victoria's Secret model and not quite managing to pull it off.
My main problem with Meatholes is: Not All Body Fluids are Sexy. The human body can emit sweat, spit, piss, shit, cum, snot, vomit, and blood. And I really don't need to see most of that. What's next, earwax money shots?
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203302 - 12/15/06 03:26 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
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Quote:
...
My main problem with Meatholes is: Not All Body Fluids are Sexy. The human body can emit sweat, spit, piss, shit, cum, snot, vomit, and blood. And I really don't need to see most of that. What's next, earwax money shots?
#10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y)
Well, I guess it is up to me to defend vomit. I started #10 with just "piss ain't sex(y)". I ain't into scat. But I have downloaded a lot of stuff from the JM vomitorium, and I do think vomit is sexy when it comes as a direct result of throat fucking. Well, not the vomit itself, but the fact that the action was extreme enough to cause the whore to puke.
-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy
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#203303 - 12/15/06 06:15 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow #29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency #30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes #31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores #32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche #33: girls turn 18 every day #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due #35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities†#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum #38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting #39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquestâ€, “Private Gladiatorâ€) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang? #40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203304 - 12/26/06 10:51 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Bumping because I just remembered another one: Keep the shoes on! Real Porn Stars Fuck In Their High Heels.
It makes their legs look better, and it just gives a wonderfully trashy edge to the whole scene to see the bitch nude except for a set of 5" stripper heels. Bonus points if there is wear and tear on them which makes it obvious she wears them on stage.
Not a foot/shoe fetish thing at all, more a leg thing and a preference for the talent to look as whorish as possible. (although the Girl-Next-Door trying to wear heels that she can't walk in is also hot.)
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203305 - 12/27/06 12:42 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 08/12/06
Posts: 76
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41. No one wants to see the whore get fucked. We all want to see the girl next doorbeing made into the whore.
i.e. Obnoxious bitches like Tory Lane yelling loudly about what a whore they are is not sexy at all and has no stroke value. Because they don't mean it, its empty and hollow, I cite the first LOP. But, a fresh young GND reluctantly admiting that they are a whore when prompted is always sexy, epsecially with that glazed, dazed, looking into the abyss that has become their lives and seeing themselves for who they truly are with no fronts or delusions look in their eyes, while that cock is pounding in their asses, that moment of realiziation for themselves that yes, "I am a whore, I really am, oh my god, someone please give me a bump to put this nightmare to bed again".
But that sweet escape is only temporary, and its only a matter of time until sobriety hits them in a moment of self realization. Its the not knowing that drives them crazy and into the depths of insanity, not knowing when that moment will be coming again, it could hit at any time, goddamn the waiting is killing me, someone please make it stop, save me before I am forced to save myself the only way I know how to truly make it stop.
I love that shit.
Basically the deer in the headlights girls, Max is great at finding them, exposing them, and capturing them on video for us all to enjoy. God bless us, everyone.
FXV
-The Punch
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"This may hurt a little, but its something you'll get used to"
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#203307 - 12/27/06 07:14 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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I love the moments of realization, but they are few and far between. Even the freshest-off-the-bus porn "star" will rarely break down on-camera, or have her breakdown make the final edit.
And there is something to be said for the over-the-top porn whore acting crazy. Porntube has a great clip of Tory Lane BTS. Some poor flunky is painting her face with faux cum to simulate the money shot. It all seems to be on her face, but she freaks out anyway, screeching that it is in her hair and that "this isn't how it should be!!" before storming off.
I'm no fan of Debbi Diamond (at least after seeing her schtick for the fifth or sixth time), but there is something to be said for the overacting, overcompensating whore trying to hide their inner shame. And I still love the "nude, except for her 5" heels" look.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203308 - 12/30/06 10:15 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 11/23/06
Posts: 323
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No cum dodging allowed. No jerking away, no shirking of duty to accept each and every drop. Eyes/mouth must be kept open until the very end.
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#203309 - 12/31/06 08:22 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow #29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency #30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes #31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores #32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche #33: girls turn 18 every day #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due #35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities†#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum #38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting #39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquestâ€, “Private Gladiatorâ€) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang? #40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum #41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (Gucci handbag, penicillin, etc.)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203310 - 01/05/07 09:22 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow #29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency #30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes #31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores #32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche #33: girls turn 18 every day #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due #35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities†#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum #38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting #39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquestâ€, “Private Gladiatorâ€) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang? #40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum #41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29) #42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203312 - 01/06/07 07:37 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow #29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency #30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes #31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores #32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche #33: girls turn 18 every day #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due #35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities†#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum #38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting #39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquestâ€, “Private Gladiatorâ€) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang? #40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum #41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29) #42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina) #43: whores can't do porn forever; sometimes you have to grow up and move on
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203313 - 01/19/07 11:20 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (please minimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode) #13: the male talent shall keep grunting and moaning to a minimum #14: don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot #15: there shall be no unattended pussy in a FFM threesome scene at any time #16: close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie; pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston #17: genuine sounds of balls slapping against girl's ass or cock slamming into wet cunt shall not be interrupted by talents' over dramatic moaning or porn banter #18: The bts interviewer shall not ask how the girl got into porn if she's been doing porn longer than 6 months #19: if it's a comp, let the box cover say it's a comp; don't dress it up as all new scenes #20: if the movie is shot in HD, cast must have good complexions (and definitely, no ass zits) #21: if it's on the box, it shall be in the movie #22: if an act is described as “her first timeâ€, it shall not be common knowledge that it is far from her first time #23: unless your name is Andrew Blake, let us hear the actual noises instead of the music, no matter how much you paid your cousin to create it with Pro Tools #24: squirt is pee (see #10) #25: every whore has a price #26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time #27: in porn, for every one great boob job, there are 76 shit ones around the corner #28: someone else’s baby jam on/in a girl is off limits; stick your dick elsewhere or towel her off/make her swallow #29: nine out of ten whores say they are in porn for the "great sex" and "close friendships," when in reality they are motivated in the following order of importance: 60% money/Donna Karan sunglasses/Gucci handbags; 20% getting back at their fucking asshole parents; 10% support/augment drug dependency’; 10% support suitcase pimp's drug dependency #30: when a whore says they "don't do drugs any more," it means they still smoke unbelievable amounts of pot, and drink like fishes #31: not all attention whores are porn girls, but all porn girls are attention whores #32: if you have a catch-phrase, you're a douche #33: girls turn 18 every day #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due #35: for every whore that leaves, two will take her place #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunities†#37: directors shall keep babbling to a minimum #38: limit stills; flash bulbs going off is distracting #39: big-budget porn (e.g. “Conquestâ€, “Private Gladiatorâ€) is a waste of perfectly good money that could be better spent on costlier sex acts; i.e., would you rather see a wooden ship or an anal gangbang? #40: slow-motion and replay shall be kept to the barest minimum #41: if the male talent is taking a long time to cum, edit it out; no one wants to see 60+ seconds of a guy desperately stroking himself off (and moaning) while the female talent mentally composes her shopping list (see #29) #42: eventually, to maintain interest, female talent will have to do anal (see Eva Angelina) #43: whores can't do porn forever; sometimes you have to grow up and move on #44: when a whore holds off anal for too long, no one cares
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203314 - 01/22/07 07:30 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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#45: If you are shot out and get breast implants, you are still shot out.
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#203315 - 01/22/07 08:38 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Stormy's Lawyer
Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 28
Loc: Orlando Florida
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46: Snorting cum kills brain cells.
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#203318 - 01/25/07 10:12 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Human Garbage
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 1557
Loc: New York
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Cum on the face, good. Cum in the hair, better, especially if the whore shows her surprised disgust at this degradation.
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"This thing is ready to do damage!"
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#203319 - 01/25/07 10:37 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 14755
Loc: Busy downloading [LEGALLY!]
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Never talk about your kids on your porn site. A real wood killer. No issue for me. How do you think we get a MILF? No brats, no MILFs. My favorite was the bts interview of Krista Lynn Lovely where she describes how she managed to get pregnant TWICE before the age of 21 - first at 15! Krista Lynn Lovely on 1st pregnancy: WHOOOOPS!! Krista Lynn Lovely on 2nd pregnancy with diff father: WHOOOOPS, Again!! Cum on the face, good. Cum in the hair, better, especially if the whore shows her surprised disgust at this degradation. Not sufficiently different from, and not as well-written or arousing as, my favorite of the rules: RULE #26: The more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time!! I just LOVE that "whimper" & "rewind time"!!
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Amo i Gemelli!!
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#203320 - 01/25/07 10:38 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Already covered by my rule #26
Quote:
#26: the more cum that lands above her mouth, and the more surprised/upset she is about it, the better; if she actually starts to whimper, it's rewind time
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[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203321 - 01/26/07 08:18 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1-#44: see above #45: if you are shot out and get breast implants, you are still shot out #46: never talk about your kids on your porn site; a real wood killer
Slowly closing in on 50...
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203322 - 02/19/07 12:39 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Human Garbage
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 1557
Loc: New York
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Move to add two new laws.
-The more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in hot pants and clear heels, the better. A whore dressed as a high school cheerleader has less stroke value than a cheerleader dressed as a whore.
-All porn whores escort. You can't be a little bit pregnant or a little bit of a whore.
This may be covered if you put ALL of the following together, but seems sufficiently distinct to warrant a separate rule. Besides, it's pretty damn obvious.
#25: every whore has a price #34: retired whore makes a comeback = rent is due #36: whores are never retired, they are just between sex-related “career opportunitiesâ€
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"This thing is ready to do damage!"
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#203324 - 02/23/07 09:04 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1-#47: see above #48: during anal sex, the phrase “fuck the shit out of me†(or variations thereon) shouldn’t be uttered #49: the more ridiculously out of place a whore looks in how she's dressed (e.g. hot pants, clear heels, etc.), the better
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203325 - 03/01/07 10:07 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Gay For Pay
Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 954
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#50. Dairy products at room temperature aren't sexy.
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Why do you black guys like to ruin white girls? I guess for the same reason you like to ruin white neighborhoods. -NitneLiun
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#203328 - 03/01/07 11:14 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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I've withheld comment in this thread because it occurs to me that God got his point across with only Ten Commandments.
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#203329 - 03/01/07 11:22 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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He left a lot out, though. And allegedly he added at least one on edit.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203330 - 03/02/07 08:58 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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And Jamesn told me God previewed the 10 Commandments, too. Jamesn hates that.
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I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#203331 - 03/10/07 12:31 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 52
Loc: Mid America
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How about this one -
No matter how disconcerting it really is, porn chicks will keep yowling, howling, or making noises like retards on Jell-O Day at the hospital... because they think it's "sexy."
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Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume? ~Richard Fleischer
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#203332 - 03/10/07 12:43 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 10/04/06
Posts: 522
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Quote:
How about this one -
No.
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Gigi, it's like you're putting a rainbow in all of our hearts... - faggypatty
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#203333 - 06/01/07 08:29 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
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#602893 - 12/12/13 07:12 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
[Re: Gunker]
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 720
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Jerkules thought this thread needs to be bumped. I agree. This list needs to be amended. "Whores lie is a great way to kick off a listicle. But "anal flowers are not sexy" needs to occupy the second spot.
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I think she's hot, hot, hot and that gives her vagina tattoo bonus points. The cat-nose-and-whiskers, though, makes me wonder. That doesn't seem like a smart tattoo at all.
-- Rear Admiral
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#602895 - 12/12/13 07:39 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
[Re: Gunker]
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
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I think Gunker did a more recent version of the list w/ about 50 items on it. Around the time Gunker's Girl popped in here for a while.
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Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
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