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#203204 - 11/23/06 05:59 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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maybe not law-worthy, but worth a mention for something: WAY too much man-ass in hetero porn. i like licking assholes as much as the next girl, but for christ's sake people, enough already. example of this: benjamin bratt in sodomy cream pies (skeeter ). completely ruins an otherwise strokeworthy haley paige scene and ends up looking like a in the process.
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"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#203206 - 11/23/06 06:08 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203208 - 11/23/06 06:24 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
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I know this falls under GG's #3, but it should be said again or maybe with a little more specificity. Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad. jus sayin
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"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey
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#203209 - 11/23/06 06:36 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 1) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
fn 1-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203211 - 11/23/06 06:48 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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Quote:
Rule #6 No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.
Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.
Kind of a variation on #2.
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1) #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them." fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
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"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203212 - 11/23/06 07:09 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1) #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them." fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad."
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203213 - 11/23/06 08:12 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 05/06/05
Posts: 1946
Loc: Outer Space
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Quote:
Rule #6 No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.
Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.
Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.
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I really try to retain a respectful distance from my models, even when I'm lubing up their pussies.
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#203214 - 11/23/06 08:19 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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Quote:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value (fn 1, 3) #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn (fn 2) #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
fn 1-(from Safado) "No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore. Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them." fn 2-(from The King) "Girls licking man ass in porn is fucking gay. I DO NOT want to see ANY girl lick ANY man ass in my porn. Girl licking girl ass is OK, girl licking man ass is way bad." fn3-(from Holly Randall) Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.
Nuts!
Another footnote!
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203215 - 11/23/06 09:11 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Stormy's Lawyer
Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 28
Loc: Orlando Florida
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When a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, It's gay.
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#203216 - 11/23/06 09:31 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 358
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I have to say that there are male performers who are so weak that I can't watch their scenes, even if the chick is hot.
Maybe "Rule #6: If you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock"?
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"Veiny Woman? APPROVED! " -Loopnode
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#203217 - 11/23/06 09:34 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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As a variation on #2, please no cutaways to a closeup on the male performer just before the money shot. Way to ruin the moment!!
We can't be at Rule *#8 already without a Ron Jeremy ban, can we? At least for movies filmed after 1990?
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203220 - 11/24/06 12:02 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
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Quote:
Quote:
Rule #6 No one rents porn to see the guys, so male talent, shut the fuck up, stay as much out of the frame as you can and just fuck the whore.
Directors, no more close ups of the GUYS, no one gives a fuck about them.
Actually, for me, the male talent makes all the difference. I don't care about the girl (when I'm watching porn, not when I'm shooting it), I care about the scene. And really good scenes often call for really good male performers.
It's like choosing the lesser of the evils.
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#203221 - 11/24/06 06:48 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
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Quote:
Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.
Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!
You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.
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#203222 - 11/24/06 09:27 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 10/27/05
Posts: 322
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Quote:
Quote:
Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.
Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!
You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.
To homos in denial.
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#203224 - 11/24/06 10:52 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Double vag, double anal and double oral is GAY.
Anytime two guys rub their cocks together, whether a woman is involved or not, it's GAY as fuck!
You're an IDIOT!! It's perverse, it's hot and it's edgy, and quite obviously it sells like hell.
To homos in denial.
as a girl, i think it's gay as fuck also , and i'm certainly no "homophobic" guy. why these directors think that the "average" hetero porn viewer, male or female, wants to see sacs smacking together is beyond me. i've always been of the opinion that while the thought of two actual peni penetrating a girl seems cool as fuck , any guy who is willing to have his cock rubbing another cock is frankly not welcome in my pussy, ass, and/or mouth. you can use multiple toys to achieve the same effects (i.e., domination, inflicting pain, etc-- all good things ), without coming off as . i would venture so far as to say that one naked man should not come within two feet of another naked man, even if they're fucking the same chick. i call this "the 24 inches rule". tag team her, people! if it's good enough for the WWE, it's good enough for us, you know? of course, fucking a girl from behind (ass or pussy, name your poison) while she's sucking a cock in front her does not violate the 24 inches rule and thus should be done whenever humanly possible . if a porn guy needs more "assistance" in achieving the utmost violation of said whore, he should bring in another whore to help. this could be called the "girlvert rule", since most guys can't fuck a girl any harder than ashley blue does anyway. p.s. sorry this was a wicked long post.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#203225 - 11/24/06 02:32 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
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Quote:
closeted faggots rent too much straight porn. rub your dick against an electric eel, you abomination.
If you're THAT afraid of your own manhood, you should spend your time reading Playboy or Newsweek and watching The Food Network. It amazes me how people in the "adult" industry are close minded little old prudes when you scrape away all the B.S.!
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#203226 - 11/24/06 02:35 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#203227 - 11/24/06 02:36 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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your dad just called, he wanted to thank you for coming for thanksgiving and rubbing your cock against his.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#203230 - 11/24/06 03:41 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/07/03
Posts: 565
Loc: State of Moral Decay
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Quote:
if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!
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#203231 - 11/24/06 03:41 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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I'm with Jamesn and GG. Any time one man's cock touches another is one fucking time too many in straight porn. And how much man ass do I need to see in my stroke movies? Not that fucking much, lemme tell you. DP isn't edgy. DP is the natural result of producers saying "Well, she's had one in her cunt and one in her ass, whaddawedonow huh?" It's lazy porn and very, very festive Edgy porn doesn't exist. It's all been done before and it's all just variations on a theme. For the most part, male performers are life support machines for cocks. A huge section of the audience superimposes their face onto the male star's body so it's THEY who are fucking the porn girl. Not a male porner. That's why POV is always a popular genre. But cocks rubbing against one another? "I think you've come to the wrong bar, sir"
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#203234 - 11/24/06 05:18 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Quote:
At what point do you become a prude for not liking balls slapping together?
Apparently, at the point at which you decide that you have no interest in seeing balls slapping together.
I'll group it with the whole "see the chick puke", "make her drink cum out of a shotglass", "Taylor Rain" genre. Lazy porn is completely accurate. You don't know how to shoot hot, hetero sex; you can't afford hot girls, so you shove three coke bottles in her ass and call it a shoot.
If you want the degredation angle, verbal is always good. And it doesn't have the instant wood-kill effect of seeing the bitch vomit while lying on her back, or watching three guys play sausage-grinder inside some meth-head's hemmorhoid. If you can't get off watching a hot girl have sex, then you should find another hobby.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203235 - 11/24/06 05:34 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203236 - 11/24/06 08:02 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
Attachments
194312-L_cc02 bb_Rome_fos.jpg (14 downloads)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203238 - 11/24/06 08:33 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#203240 - 11/25/06 06:49 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Gag Factor Guru
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/05
Posts: 5290
Loc: Dayton
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Quote:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: European porn stars are FAR dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: Piss ain't sex(y)
-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy
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#203242 - 11/25/06 05:26 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie
#2: male performers have NO stroke value
#3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn
#4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay
#5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts
#6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay
#7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock
#8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race
#9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star
#10: piss ain't sex(y)
Attachments
194428-O_airforcefull24 bbv_Martino_v.jpg (6 downloads)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203243 - 11/25/06 06:56 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/07/06
Posts: 4268
Loc: Portland
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#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
_________________________
"My people (the real Americans- descended from the original Angle-Saxon pioneers)"-Coke S.
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#203244 - 11/25/06 07:01 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/22/06
Posts: 6557
Loc: 2004 - the glory days
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Gunker, I must say, this thread has turned out much better than I expected. Nice work.
_________________________
"You are the worst poster in xpt yet I can't stop talking about you" - smelly monkey
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#203246 - 11/25/06 07:14 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 481
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Please mimimize the use of the dreaded "ball-cam" angle. Any amount of time that 70% of the screen is occupied by the dude's ass and nut sack is too much.
_________________________
[The movie business] is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side. - Hunter S. Thompson
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#203249 - 11/26/06 09:52 AM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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Occupation Radio DJ
Hobbies Swinging..Helping My wife get into porn
Location Pennsylvania
hi wankus, how's that radio gig? think the majority of your fans would like to rub their penises together?
i heard your uncle actually had you believing men weren't supposed to shake hands when meeting one another, rather it was traditional to rub penises and make out.
you must have had some weird christmases as a boy.
as for your wife-if you've been TRYING to get her into porn, she must be hideous. pam peaks is IN porn and your wife can't break in. that says something.
i bet you frequent swing clubs as the fat guy with burn-scars or weird polyps on his face and parade your mediocre whore wife around until you find a man desperate to rub penises with you inside her vagina. don't you feel guilty about using your own wife as a lure for opportunities to rub your dick against another man's dick.
you're a vile loser, i hope you don't have children and you eventually have the honesty to leave your wife for a man named rashaan.
fag. fag. fag. qed. fag.
Quote:
Quote:
if you're that open minded, why not read playgirl and rent falcon? like, easy-e, you can eat a big fat dick. wait, you already have.
how's life as an hiv-positive gay man? are you going to any parades this spring and will you be wearing those scrumptious leather chaps and growing your freddy mercury-mustache again? you were hot last year, fucking queer.
Since I am none of the above, it doesn't apply. Let's see, you'd be all down watching 2 girls go at it, but you're so afriad of your own manhood that it makes you sick to see two cocks rubbing together inside a woman. You're boring, you're a prude, and you're angry because you've been figured out. God I'm having a good time watching your BP rise!
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#203250 - 11/26/06 12:24 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
#1: whores lie #2: male performers have NO stroke value #3: way too much man-ass in hetero porn #4: double-pen in the same orifice is gay #5: Generally, European porn stars are much dirtier than their American counterparts #6: when a dude is getting it up the ass, no matter if it's from a woman, tranny or another dude, it's gay #7: if you have a small dick and fuck like a chick with a strap on you shouldn't be a stunt cock #8: interracial gangbangs demonstrate how far we’ve come as a country regarding race #9: if she doesn’t do anal, and she’s not Christy Canyon, she’s not a legitimate porn star #10: piss, vomit and/or scat ain't sex(y) #11: too many tattoos and piercings and it becomes an unpleasant freak show #12: if you must show cunnilingus, make sure the guy doesn’t have a moustache (see Ron Jeremey and Christy Canyon; looks like the Tribbles Star Trek episode)
#13. Male talent shall keep his mouth shut. We dont want to hear you grunt and graon before you cum.
To elaborate: Don't jump to the guy's face during the money shot.
#14. A threeway scene with two girls and one guy where one girl has to sit and play with herself while the other two fuck is a waste of pussy. Producers: stop being cheap and hire another cock.
#15. Close up shots have their place, but it's not two thirds of the movie. Pull back, establish and let us get on with the important business of jerking off to the whole girl, not just the meat piston.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#203251 - 11/26/06 12:31 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Icon
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
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Quote:
#14. A threeway scene with two girls and one guy where one girl has to sit and play with herself while the other two fuck is a waste of pussy. Producers: stop being cheap and hire another cock.
I have to disagree here, only one cock per scene, please . Stack one girl on top of the other. Any configuration will do.
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#203252 - 11/26/06 12:34 PM
Re: Fundamental Laws of Porn
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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That's fair. I just want to see that unemployed pussy put to good use.
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I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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