I'd keep your girlfriend for your sweet, sweet love-making and use crack hos and cheap motels for your piss ’n’ puke fests. Face it, you're only gonna drop 10-15 bucks on either of them.

Also, you might wanna try cramming Vicks Vapo Rub up your nose. Hey, if it's good enough for crime scene clean up guys, it's good enough for you. One final thing, if you're uncut, make sure you've got all those little bits of diced carrot out from under your foreskin before you go home. That's always a giveaway...