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I work in a large law firm and facilitate lawsuits for the ACLU (10% of the time) and crush the middle class (90% of the time).

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That makes the fact that I own you even more masturbatory.

Come on, be honest, you're a Lebanese cell phone accessory peddler. I need a belt clip for my Verizon LG8500 Chocolate slider-style cell phone do you have that in stock? If not, I understand. It's cool, we all have our lot in life, yours just happens to be serving business travelers passing by in the Portland Airport. Keep your chin up, you'll make sales associate of the month someday.