I've never really spent any time at ADT before this weekend, but I get the feeling there is something sinister about the place, something I can't quite put my finger on.

I think it's how the world would be if it was run by unwashed, overweight semi-retards who all live at home with their mothers, preaching free speech and liberal values whilst their baby sisters lay awake at night, listening out in fear for the sound of creaking flooboards and laboured breathing.