I like your here very much. And what you have found makes me tremble really. And cry. I cry on my lunchbreak at work. I met and cominglerd with the LOVWE OF MY LIFE for several weeks in Septembers of last year and had a horrifying realization. For the first time in my life I felt the kind of longing you can';t numb with drugs andf booze. I wanted her so bad. I was a stranger in a strange land. By virtue of my desire I had to thenm face that I had spent very crucial years in limbo and was ;lacking in very essential elements as a man. I wasn't there for her had no ixdea how to be therwe for her in very crucial moments. I blew it. I had that ingrained desire, but none of the mythology. I've always been suicidal but I had no idea until then what the cost rea;lly was, that I had a real person and real desires growing withing while I made the surface go dead. She is gone now. I wanty her to be okay but my heart ois broken forever because I know it can't be withy me. I just want to die. But I like you and am gladf you done what you did. I rtead the lukefiord. It doesn't inspire me because I am dead and rottoing but it does make my grieving soul happy in somer way as I drift toward purgatory and sweet deeath like dustbunnies to a vacum cleaners.