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A) Gia I love you. Too funny. The question is, will you paint MY house? In cut off shorts and a wet tank top? I will give you a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon in return. It is an offer you cannot refuse, and you know it.



You should see me in a wife beater. Forget the beer; just let me skinny dip in that oasis pond at the Randall Estate afterwards. Join me.

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B) I wish I could start a book on hideous porn girls that agents email to me. Sometimes I have to break down into hysterical peals of laughter over some of the incredibly ugly girls and guys I get sent to my mailbox. If anything, it makes me feel better about myself. And we all know how wrong that is.



Same here, Holly. I have voice mails saved. The best one goes like, "Well, let's see...I'm 5'4" and 180lbs. Not too big, not too small, but just right...I just wanna do g/g right now..." all while a baby is heard crying in the background.



When I first started working for my parents this woman sent in her pics with this outrageous letter making claims that she was "the most beautiful woman in the world". Her words went something like this: "After much deliberation I have decided to give you, Suze, the privilege of shooting my first nude layout. Of course I want to shoot for Penthouse and I have no doubt that they will also freak out about how gorgeous I am and make me Pet of the Year instantly. Look at my photos and you will see that you have never had a model of my caliber pose for you. I look forward to our first shoot."

And of course, the best part is she was, um, NOT attractive by a long stretch. She began harassing us with phone calls, demanding to know why we hadn't booked her yet. Finally our webmistress had to tell her that we weren't interested in shooting her and she wasn't really "Suze quality". She totally flipped out and started screaming, calling us names and telling us we were throwing away an opportunity of a lifetime. Funny, I never saw her centerfold in Penthouse.

Kinda like the story of when Dino Bravo called my cell phone at 1 AM on a Thursday night, slurring about what an ignorant and unprofessional person I was because I refused to book him for a scene.
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I really try to retain a respectful distance from my models, even when I'm lubing up their pussies.