Burg's 10Q is nice and all, here are the answers I want to know...

(note: before commencing this questionnaire, please bring to mind the day you signed your first written, binding, non-cancelable agreement to have sex on camera for money)

1. Calculate your emotional despondency on that day...1 being happy as a clam...10 being on Kara Mynor suicide watch.

2. With respect to question 1, how many days passed between the signing of said agreement, and your realization that you made a horrible mistake which will be captured on video for future generations?

3. Calculate your emotional despondency at that moment, using the same scale as on question 1.

4. What was your immediate reaction to the feelings described in question 3:

a. seek approval from your suitcase pimp by doing more sex acts
b. booze
c. meth/crack
d. phone home

5. Complete the following paragraph with the phrase you feel is most appropriate:

Think of the video entited "Donkey Punch," in which the act of donkey punching is performed on the female. The film and the dangers of the work are explained extensively in advance to the woman, let's call her "Alex." Alex fancies herself a daring individual, giving herself the moniker "Extreme (Alex)" and running a website in which she vomits and urinates on other women. Months after filming wraps, "Alex" complains that being donkey punched is abusive.

This paragraph shows that:

a. Alex is stupid and was desparately in need of money
b. Alex lied to herself by calling herself "extreme"
c. Whores lie, as a rule of thumb
d. All of the above

6.a. Did you fill out the JM Productions "New Talent Application?"
6.b. At which question did you begin to doubt your decision noted in question 1?

7.a. Is there a sex act you perform in front of a camera, which you do not do with your significant other in private?
7.b. If "yes" to 7.a., write it down and send it to maged@xxxporntalk.com

8. If you do become "popular" in the business, you may be asked to exhibit your body at the Adult Entertainment Exposition. This will entail you dressing in a typical porn whore outfit, and full makeup for 8 hours a day, up to 4 days in a row. At night you will be asked to attend various parties and then perform in several sex scenes in a random hotel room being paid for by a producer. You will get little sleep, little food, and your most intimate body parts will be groped daily by thousands of sweaty unwashed porn degenerates--and that's before the fanboys start showing up. Question: what pharmacological substances will most improve your chances of not melting down in the Circle Bar?

9. Role playing: you're in your first DPP scene. "DPP" is code-talk for double pussy penetration, where two degenerate porn vagrants insert their hoses into your birth canal at the same time. Statistics have shown an 85% chance the two male performers will forget about you entirely, and begin staring lovingly at each other, as their primary arousal comes not from you, but rather the friction of their dual pestulant peni. What do you think of this?

10. Will any of your net income in porn be used for a collection of designer sunglasses and/or handbags?