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in most workplaces, employers must typically follow "progressive discipline", where they must keep a paper trail of them warning you about unacceptable behavior and the consequences if you continue. it varies from state to state, and there are usually recognized exceptions (eg committing a crime, gross negligence, etc). this protects them from frivolous claims of ignorance of a situation by the employee, and gives the employee leeway in the event of ambiguity or misunderstanding.

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That's why all this time I've been tempted to call this story bullshit. OK Phlog, now is the time to come clean! Just fess up and admit you made the whole thing up and we'll let you go home. Frankly, I don't think you're stupid enough to get into that much trouble