home one summer friday night, i did what sixteen year olds do--get retardedly drunk at some other kid's house and get an unsatisfactory handjob from keith o'connor. the last part's not true, but details are fuzzy.

anyhow, go home late enough to stumble in undetected and pass out.

around 6am, my disgustingly-pregnant bladder yells fire! and i just go to the window instead of walking fifteen feet to try to figure out the complexity of a bathroom's operation and just take a whizz and fall back to sleep.

three minutes later, my dad's banging on the door of the au pair suite(not fancy, just sounds like it and ruled to have when you were of the age seperation from old people by something as simple as a bunch of doors was desirable)

i stumble down, he's dressed for golf and he's just like "DID YOU JUST PISS OUT THE WINDOW? STOP! YOU ALMOST PISSED ON ME AND YOU HIT THE HOOD OF MY CAR!"

so david/applesaucer, would you have rented that?

NO THEY MUST SWALLOW THE PISS I started out a normal, intelligent person until THAT ASHLEY BLUE LEFT BECAUSE I WASN"T GAY ENOUGH FOR HER WELL LOOK AT ME NOW ASHLEY I"M ON THE INTERNET PRETENDING TO BE A LESBIAN IS THAT GAY ENOUGH FOR YOU?????

James...Quincy House room 321, fire door was open to room 323 creating an 8 man suite...I had the room with the fire door, which never fully closed. One night, I was in dire straights, I was passed out on my bed and my w/chair was a good 15 feet away...I rolled my ass to the end of my bed, sat on the edge and let go with the flow at barely cracked fire door.

In the next room were several of my roommates and their dates, watching TV. All of a sudden they see this yellow stream sneaking through the crack in the fire door...one of them gets up and opens the door and there is Da Burglar, in his underwear, sitting at the edge of his bed, eyes closed, pissing.

Two days later, one of my roommates dates asked ME out...

isn't having a penis awesome? it's like a free squirt-gun, pre-filled with urine that never gets weird shit you have to go to the ob/gyn for.

of course, we'll all die of prostate cancer so it's a wash

In fact, women don't even get weird shit. It was all an elaborate ruse concoted by the medical profession eons ago to devise a way to get paid six figures to finger pussy all day.