--- Before I talk about Memory and its solitary nature as the TRUE means to enjoying things we consider 'sinful', I first wanted to pose this question before I forget, but dont want to start another condensed thread that keeps growing the more you add water (or people piss on it...) Why dont more women who are in porn, or who were in porn, chime in with outcries against the supposed victimization/abuse that takes place? Seems to me, if all the chicks who choose to do porn were truly getting a terrible deal and meeting terrible fates BECAUSE of porn itself, we'd hear more about that in no uncertain terms...so how bad is it really? Moving right along...

When you engage in things like a swingers orgy, or if a chick does a porn scene with 6 guys, or a guy fucks around on his wife of 8 years, when the short, fleeting pleasure is gone, all you have left is a memory of the event. And as we all know, the memory is NOT enough to keep you satisfied beyond a day or so, if that. This is important, because it brings us face to face with what we are all about, particularly as Porn fans and Porn Performers. That of immediate, right here/right now gratification. Nothing else matters....But, when we indulge in things that we perhaps know we should not be doing, that carry a slight amount of physical risk or perhaps even just a little emotional anxiety/guilt, we better fucking remember the experience because the fleeting nature of it dictates all we will be able to do afterwards is remember.

If I hire an escort and spend several hours with her doing unspeakable acts of sexual depravity, when the several hours are over, all I have left is the memory. And pretty soon the desire starts up again. Same with doing drugs...you get high on coke tonight, and its a blast...but tomorrow it starts all over again, and all you have is the memory of the night before to tide you over unless you want to do more blow...the memory actually TAUNTS you because you indulged the desire already and you want it again...

Other examples of the diabolical nature of memory: Say a porn chick bangs 6 guys and scarfs their loads, either in a porn scene or she actually decides to satisfy her nympho craving and hits one of these swingers clubs that the oversexed porn community seems to enjoy doing these days. The chick is probably not going to distinguish what each of the 6 dicks feels like plunging inside of her twat (in other words, a porn chick is probably not going to have instant recall of what each dick felt exactly like upon penetration, a virtual 'name that penis' inside her head), and she may or may not remember what each of the 6 loads tastes like. But a week later, when she is sitting around a shoot set on a Tuesday afternoon, about to fuck 3 more guys, is she recalling what last week's dicks felt like in order to compare? Furthermore, if she bangs a group of men once, will the memory cause her to want to do it again, and again, or is she done fucking multiple guys at once? She will remember, and want it again....

I had a friend who is now 36, and been divorced for 2 years. This guy had a lot of things I dont...perfect physically, great looking, a wife who was a former NFL cheerleader, and 2 kids. He married when he was 26 and for 7 years things seemed fine. Then one day, somehow, whether by lusting after her or not being satisfied, he banged his 22 year old receptionist. For a month her banged her...fucked her six ways to sunday, fucked her in his car, her car, her house, MY HOUSE, shared her with a couple buddies (not me though) and then he got caught by his wife. Divorced promptly, she got what amounted to a 70-30 split when all was said and done, and he lives in a condo now instead of his McMansion. He just HAD to stick his penis in that young tart (admittedly she was a hottie), he JUST HAD to know what it felt like to bust a nut inside her. He had the memory of busting a nut inside his beautiful wife to draw upon, but that wasn't enough for him. No...so now, all he has is the memory of his wife's twat after splooging in it to compare with the memory of what his receptionist's twat felt like when he splooged in it. Hooray for creampies....

On May Day, just after leaving her fiancé, 23-year-old Evelyn McHale wrote a note.

'He is much better off without me ... I wouldn't make a good wife for anybody,' she wrote.

Then she crossed it out. She went to the observation platform of the Empire State Building. Through the mist she gazed at the street, 86 floors below. Then she jumped.
In her desperate determination she leaped clear of the setbacks and hit a United Nations limousine parked at the curb.
Across the street photography student Robert Wiles heard an explosive crash. Just four minutes after Evelyn McHale's death Wiles took a picture of death's violence and its composure.
I sometimes find myself wondering what went through her mind just before she jumped. Whether or not the memory of herself and her fiance during happy times was quickly stabbed by zen-flash strobes of him and another woman. Life is a disease.

Great post CAOH.

DB, you probably aren't too excited to see me chiming in on this one, but what you are really asking is:

Why isn't the press clambering over each other to interview people who are completely marginalized? Isn't the answer pretty obvious.

I can already tell this is going to turn into another hand-wringing, guilt-soaked confessional about the destructive nature of porn.
I can seriously picture you guys, furiously pounding your flounder, and then breaking down in a fit of Oprah tears.
Am I the last man alive who can stroke his dick without shame?
The Church has done its work well.

You need to accept that gratification will never result in satisfaction. This is something I know to be true, but I'm not sure I fully accept it yet. It's like scratching an itch.

You scratch the itch, it feels great. Then you're happy for a brief moment. You remember how good the itch-being-scratched feeling was. Then you start to itch again. (I hope nobody reads this whilst tweaking)

Knowing that if you fulfil the urge again, it still won't be satisfying is definitely part of the road to recovery though.