Let me ask you this. How do you reconcile the things what preoccupy your mind here with your daily activities in normalcy? I thinks it's really difficult, and it's getting worse. An old woman, fat, shrill, unnattractive with a tooth missing on her bottom row protested that something wasn't her fault when I asked her about an inventory discrepancy on the picking wall. Apparently I sounded to accusing. But when he feelings seemed hurt all I could think about was pornography- what she'd think about it, how her knowing what I watch and masturbate to would lend creedence to her idea that I am a jerk, and I also pictured her having various acts committed upon her that are pornographically sound. It's an avalanche of thoughts and that's just a bit of the phases, and it seems untangleable to me and I get very confused and in a way I feel like a child in a man's body. Damaged and stunted and ashamed and exilitrated.