Ducats...pimping a chariot? Is this jimrome.com?

I loooove Oregon. Oregon always makes me feel good, because I know I'm not there, and never will be. When the Suns are losing, I can think of the Jailblazers. When Portland made a run for Tom Chambers back in the 80's, he chose Phoenix instead. When I feel sad, I recall that Astoria is the suicide capital of America (or used to be), probably because of all the clouds which routinely roll in 3.5 feet above sea level.

There's a little place in central Oregon, Bend, which has got to be the most fucked up place that I've never been to. When I was a fraud investigator for a bank, We took 2 large losses one year. One was from a guy who ran up a $20,000 bill on someone's MasterCard to establish a new "principality" called Hoot River, governed by a "King Phillip." The wise king finally agreed to pay us when we threatened to arrest him, and sent a full payment...in Monopoly money. He did 3-5 for forgery and theft. Some kid there once stole his mommy's card and went on a shopping spree. When I called the kids parents and told them what I'd found, and told her that's she would have to pay unless she filed a police complaint, she launched into 5 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing describing the torturous pain of her existence, I felt like a Franz Kafka novel was happening before my ears. She never went to the police, within 90 days, junior had all sorts of new video games and fly clothes, but Mom and Dad had no car.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to these people, but then I get over it and finish my sandwich.

Don't get me wrong, AZ is fucked up 7 ways to Sunday (too hot, no rain, old farts, methheads, stoned cholos, coyotes, crooked Mormon politicians, polygamists), but I love Oregon.