Like porn, football no longer has an off-season. And with Texas brainiac Vince Young going to the Combine and doing so well on the Wonderlic Test, I got to thinking about some of the whores in the other year-round sport of fucking on camera for money. I suspect some might have a little more upstairs than two pounds of makeup.


1. Asia Carrera. A long time ago, Asia Carrera had natural tits, a natural face, and a nice landing strip north of the Y. That's all gone now, I suppose she's technically "retired" from smut. She admits to being painfully shy, but apparently not with her money, because she used to dole out financial advice on her website like she was George Soros. If she's even half telling the truth about her insight into investing, she's got to be quite wealthy by now. And a roaring computer geek.

2. Kay Parker. Believe it not, World War II was still going on when Kay was born. She is well-spoken and graceful in any interview. If you didn't know her porn career, you'd never guess she attained stardom acting in three incest movies. Even crusty Jim Holliday said, ""Kay is perfect in front of the television camera. Any hostile minister... anti-porn guy is going to melt. How could Jerry Falwell scream venom at Kay Parker when she's sitting there saying, 'My sex life was enriched by porn?'" Was Mike Ranger a lucky guy? I say, yeeeessss.

3. Traci Lords. Remember Tommy Boy? Traci is smart like Chris Farley, not smart like David Spade. She gave the porn industry a collective Dutch Oven, and continues to get away with it every day. Jim South says he spent $100,000 defending himself, Ginger Lynn brankrupted herself and did some time in the pokey. Movie distributors and retailers must have been out millions when they had to burn all her smut. Yet Traci went on to a B-list career in mainstream movies and TV. Remember Melrose Place? Was her smut all that? Ummm...let me say I have, in a 2257-compliant and fully legal setting, seen some of the "product," and it is, even with Finnish subtitles.

4. Gia Jordan. Yeah, maybe we're biased at XPT because she contributes often, so what? She takes math books to porn sets? I suppose that gives new meaning to analytic geometry. Also an alleged photography buff.

5. Savanna Samson. Olivia appeared under her real name on MSNBC this afternoon to shill her porn and her wine, which has been critically praised by wine makers. Seems that Steve Hirsch is footing the bill for her to start her to start a production company, too. I know she's not the one sitting out in the vineyards deciding what blend of grapes to put into the bottle, a decent vintner makes over $250,000 a year. So Savanna will continue to spread her legs for cash. But she was conversant and seemed to have a brain in her dome, which I rarely expect from Vivid whores. Plus she had that look in her eye which said, Dan Abrams is a pudwacker, and she's right.