She's beginning to look like that fat chick in The Facts of Life. But there's no pill in her future: "whore" and "responsible" are mutually exclusive.

Why is the bottom of the American gene pool the most fertile? It's like Thomas Malthus is playing a big joke on us. My cousin is a senior VP at Visa, played in a well-known philharmonic and is a tennis ace, and can't get pregnant to save her life. This cumsocket, who I believe will be sucking off my tax nipple for many years to come, squeezes children out faster than I can shit.

Or to sum up her future in three letters: WIC