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#145886 - 02/10/06 07:50 PM
Monkey Award WINNERS
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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After days of deliberation with the smelly monkey productions team and respected members of the porn community such as jewel denyle, sean michaels and uncle stevie, we finally came out with the winners of the first annual (yes i know) monkey awards or the SMAAs  Male performer of the year: TT Boy Female performer of the year: Charmane Star (slight upset) Monkey gold watch award for many years of service but we are kicking your butt out of porn award: Ron Jeremy (this Jeremy has spoken and unfortunately there was no self inflicted gun shot wounds after)  Funniest train wreck comeback award: Chasey Lain (chasey wasn't in attendance) lindsay lohan award for biggest pill popping, coke snorting flake in porn: Cindy Crawford (who was in attendance but was passed out on the bathroom floor when her name was announced) Anne heche award for best sexual preference cross over of the year: Rob "who" longshot Chris penn award for pornstar most likely to od in a cheap apartment this year: Cindy Crawford who at this point was on her way to ucla medical center Linda tripp award for ugliest person not in the industry but still finds away to stick their head in and make a mark: Wankus (who came up onto the stage in full whiteface in some weird political protest that made no sense about racism, he then offered tyler faith to lex steele on stage as a show of support for his black brothers) marc wallice award for person most likely to bring a nasty disease into the industry: Lisa sparxxx (who couldn't be at the awards because she was on location of her new feature film, lisa sparxxx dreaming of a white christmas with 250 san quentin negros) Ac cream award for creepiest stalker fanboy: Ac Cream (who did come to the awards but was seen following cindy's ambulance so wasn't there to accept his award, kyoto accepted on his behalf and gave a 15 minute speech which was actually a detailed list of the upcoming jm productions due for release until he was dragged off by off duty club jenna security staff) belladonna award for next porn star to break down to the mainstream media about how bad the industry is only to return like nothing happened: Vicky Vette Alexa rae award for delusional pornstar who believes they can cross over into mainstream: Mary carey (who wasn't in attendance but accepted the award via satellite from the lakers game where she was shouting to 12th men on both benches as nothing says superstar then retarded fat porn whores fucking 7 foot euro nba players who average 3 points a game, you're the next julia roberts). Overall it was a great event and i look forward to the next one.
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“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#145887 - 02/10/06 09:06 PM
Re: Monkey Award WINNERS
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/28/04
Posts: 4450
Loc: The Planet Houston
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It was a good show,...mad props on the choice of musical acts. When Morris Day& the Time came out everybody started dancing. I looked over and saw Peter Warren doing "the bird" That shit was gold. The "Porn Journalist Karaoke jam" at the end was kinda a cluster fuck though. I know I can rawk out, but watching Luke & Gram fumble through simplest of metal classics like Enter Sandman was rough... you can't take that shit above wilson phillips or ace of base before losing those guys. also the trophy girls were hot. Kimberly Kane & Holly were an excellent choice. from the angle where i was sitting you could see Holly off stage flashing the goods every now and then, and trying to make out with Kim  all-in-all it was really a good show. I really thought Digital & Jesse Jane were going to sweep these awards, too. so kudos for not selling out to the man.
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#145893 - 02/11/06 02:54 PM
Re: Monkey Award WINNERS
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 05/06/05
Posts: 1946
Loc: Outer Space
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Experience, you mean? No-- only once in my life did I really go down on a girl, and that was about 3 months ago. Yes, I am pretty much a virgin when it comes to girl on girl sex.
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I really try to retain a respectful distance from my models, even when I'm lubing up their pussies.
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#145894 - 02/11/06 03:17 PM
Re: Monkey Award WINNERS
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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Quote:
It was a good show,...mad props on the choice of musical acts. When Morris Day& the Time came out everybody started dancing. I looked over and saw Peter Warren doing "the bird" That shit was gold.
The "Porn Journalist Karaoke jam" at the end was kinda a cluster fuck though. I know I can rawk out, but watching Luke & Gram fumble through simplest of metal classics like Enter Sandman was rough...
you can't take that shit above wilson phillips or ace of base before losing those guys.
also the trophy girls were hot. Kimberly Kane & Holly were an excellent choice. from the angle where i was sitting you could see Holly off stage flashing the goods every now and then, and trying to make out with Kim
Im just glad that you and i got to sit down, have a drink and clear up a few things. I now know your stance on alt porn and you have been unfairly lumped in with the alt generation. 
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all-in-all it was really a good show. I really thought Digital & Jesse Jane were going to sweep these awards, too. so kudos for not selling out to the man.
Thanks, i appreciate it. I could've been bought but the stars and companies were using the wrong currency, i don't accept powder and pills.
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From all accounts the "In Memorial" tribute to several of the pornlets that left us this past year brought the house down. During that final shot panning a junk yard filled with crushed cars, audible sobs and sniffling were heard.....although, the sniffling could have just been a quick line before the lights came back up.
 . I felt it was something that had to be done but i was slightly offended when chloe jones received a louder applause then anna malle and the rest. Picking favorites among the recently passed seems wrong, even at an event celebrating strangers fucking on film.
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he then offered tyler faith to lex steele on stage as a show of support for his black brothers
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Actually I thought he offered her up so he wouldn't have to clean out his mail box when he got home.
I have to admit that i beat lex to the punch there 
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Alexa Rae is the quintessential porn star who no matter how many cocks get shoved in her holes, she continues to believe she will amount to something. Anything you have to give her positively for her spirit and determination you would have to to subtract because of stupidity. In all her scenes she has this look "I can sing, I can dance, I can act, and I would amount to something if only I could take this cock out of my mouth".
God that is so fucking true, i think thats what makes her scenes so fucking appealing. She isn't the prettiest thing out there but she fucks like shes fucking for an oscar, like she believes a mainstream director who watches porn is going to see it and just say " now thats a star, thats my leading lady for my new $100 million movie, whats her name?, get her on the line". She actually believes this and its very sexy. False hope and delusion is the new black.
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Experience, you mean? No-- only once in my life did I really go down on a girl, and that was about 3 months ago. Yes, I am pretty much a virgin when it comes to girl on girl sex.
So, how did Luke taste?.
_________________________
“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#145899 - 02/12/06 11:17 AM
Re: Monkey Award WINNERS
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 51
Loc: Cabrini Green Projects
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What happend to my invitation?Was I even nominated? Fuck! I bust my hump(literally)all damn year and get over looked with out fail.Who's strap-on do I have to take around here to get some recognition?  
Don't say that kind shit, man, it has a way of coming true. Like "I'd rather get struck by lightening than ______________________."
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#145901 - 02/12/06 05:28 PM
Re: Monkey Award WINNERS
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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#145902 - 02/12/06 05:42 PM
Re: Monkey Award WINNERS
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Registered Sex Offender
Registered: 12/13/03
Posts: 2376
Loc: Rockin' the Z5U
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