After days of deliberation with the smelly monkey productions team and respected members of the porn community such as jewel denyle, sean michaels and uncle stevie, we finally came out with the winners of the first annual (yes i know) monkey awards or the SMAAs





Male performer of the year: TT Boy

Female performer of the year: Charmane Star (slight upset)

Monkey gold watch award for many years of service but we are kicking your butt out of porn award: Ron Jeremy (this Jeremy has spoken and unfortunately there was no self inflicted gun shot wounds after)


Funniest train wreck comeback award: Chasey Lain (chasey wasn't in attendance)


lindsay lohan award for biggest pill popping, coke snorting flake in porn: Cindy Crawford (who was in attendance but was passed out on the bathroom floor when her name was announced)


Anne heche award for best sexual preference cross over of the year: Rob "who" longshot


Chris penn award for pornstar most likely to od in a cheap apartment this year: Cindy Crawford who at this point was on her way to ucla medical center

Linda tripp award for ugliest person not in the industry but still finds away to stick their head in and make a mark: Wankus (who came up onto the stage in full whiteface in some weird political protest that made no sense about racism, he then offered tyler faith to lex steele on stage as a show of support for his black brothers)


marc wallice award for person most likely to bring a nasty disease into the industry: Lisa sparxxx (who couldn't be at the awards because she was on location of her new feature film, lisa sparxxx dreaming of a white christmas with 250 san quentin negros)


Ac cream award for creepiest stalker fanboy: Ac Cream (who did come to the awards but was seen following cindy's ambulance so wasn't there to accept his award, kyoto accepted on his behalf and gave a 15 minute speech which was actually a detailed list of the upcoming jm productions due for release until he was dragged off by off duty club jenna security staff)


belladonna award for next porn star to break down to the mainstream media about how bad the industry is only to return like nothing happened: Vicky Vette


Alexa rae award for delusional pornstar who believes they can cross over into mainstream: Mary carey (who wasn't in attendance but accepted the award via satellite from the lakers game where she was shouting to 12th men on both benches as nothing says superstar then retarded fat porn whores fucking 7 foot euro nba players who average 3 points a game, you're the next julia roberts).





Overall it was a great event and i look forward to the next one.