Pun intended.

By the way, when Jeff really encourages you to do something like attend the waste of space that is the AVN Awards Show...run in the opposite direction, fast. I'll have MUCH more about that in a little....but anyway, Jeff hooks me up with a ticket into the show...in the fucking front row.

So sitting 2 seats away from me is Hillary Scott. She's a good-looking whore, I talked with her briefly on Friday. She was nice; I have no inkling how dumb or smart she really is, but after trying to talk to Katsumi's broken CanFranGlish, she sounds like a Rhodes Scholar. The only things separating me from a fanboy moment are (1) I still haven't slept and I'm snoozing 5 seconds at a time like you used to in Triginometry class (2) some himbo tweaker is sitting between us and playing video games on his MotoMeth Razr. So the show starts and tweaker must have had a spare 8-ball out in the lobby 'case he never came back. Hillary has her back to me, watching tonight's love-in to Ali Joone. As I ponder the back of her head, which many a degenerate have done before...I notice in the program she is up for the Best New Starlet award. I was hoping for the Cytherea/Jenaveve Jolie bitch-slapping contest, but somehow Smutty's unwholesome fixation on her talents has come to mind.

"Hmm...Smut voted her Most Extreme and a dozen other 'Mosts...' in his list...she can stick her hand up her ass, that's gotta count for something." Conclusion: Give her the award. If being extreme and new is good...she's the best. Now the time for the award comes up...some camera operator is kneeling beside her so he can film her response if she wins. Cytherea is blathering away with her new balloon lips (more on that later).

Mind you...Hillary is sitting utterly alone, except for this camera fag. I'd have said something now...but the moment "XPT" came out of my piehole...she'd flashback to the Burglar episode and stab my neck with her fingernails.

Long story short...they give the silly award to English whore MeKenzie Lee. Hillary claps a few times, doesn't change position. Maybe she didn't care, but all of a sudden, I did (I know...WTF?). Within seconds the would-be camera is gone to another table...and now noone is within 5 feet of her. For a single minute...I actually cared about this award.

So Hillary, I don't know whether or not you cared about it. You got jobbed like a rabbi at a free bacon giveaway. You're a good whore...make some lemonade.