1) Forget the trial, cut his balls off then hang him.
2) Have a trial and find him guilty whatever the verdict.
3) Have a proper trial but hang him anyway.
4) Forget the trial but force him to watch Tom Hanks' next five movies back to back (that'll teach him).
5) Forget the trial and shoot him dead, bury the body and say aliens abducted Michael in a "strange incident".
6) Give him a Grammy.
M Lyons.