“Jesus, only Luke could feel threatened by those champs.”

That was my first thought when I finished Luke’s recap. Most of Holly’s ex-boyfriends look like card-carrying members of the Nerd Brigade. That Chris fella looks like he’s still trying to make his way over the puberty hump.

In all seriousness (though I was being serious above, I just didn’t know how to start this sentence) the Randall Party was destined to be a soul-crushing experience for Luke. Being an intelligent person, he should have seen this coming. Drugs, alcohol, ex-boyfriends, New Years -- he‘s lucky a Violation of Holly Randall wasn’t already in full swing by the time he arrived.

But let’s take this back to the beginning.

Even if you disregard that Holly forgot to invite him (and that would be a very difficult thing to disregard), he should have known going to that party would be like walking through a landmine zone with magnets in his boots -- he was bound to get hit in every direction by the one thing he’s been trying to avoid. His concern about her former lovers should have been addressed before the party. If Holly’s response was anything short of accommodating, he should never have gone.

But that's not what happened. Luke went, and now he’s going to suffer for some time.

Luke, If I have anything positive to offer you it's this: You have every right to be upset. I don't know what "stage" your relationship with Holly was at, but her behavior was immature and classless, regardless. Playing grab-ass with men who at one time had their penises in her, in view of you, is just a shit-move from any perspective.

As your self-appointed spiritual counselor, I demand you binge on prescription pills and hard alcohol (that would be a lite beer for you) and nail random floozies up till and during AVN. Aggressive, inebriated sex is the only way to fill the void left by Holly.