Of course you realize there would have to be strict anti-midget/dwarf/gnome propaganda legislation.I mean the only way I want to see a fuckin midge in the cage-is flying thru the air in some dive bar,or in an elf suit at christmas.You know they are only happy in their natural habitat anyway.
As a child I was given one as a gift,he seemed so unhappy when we went out people stared at the vertically challenged,disproportionately built man on the leash of a smaller but much cuter (not to mention proportional)boy of six.The way he would glare at me and chew on the butt of his stogie whenever I reared back on the choke-collar almost made me uncomfortable but I would get him a lottery ticket and he would be like"cool" and give me a pound with his deformed little fist.Anyway my Dad was taking us on a trip to an amusement park in a neighboring city,I woke that morning so excited that I flung my sofa bed back into the couch and flew out of the house into the summer morn.I had so much fun I didn't even realize that Jake was missing till we went to the car that late afternoon.My dad got us a room for the night and had them search the park to no avail.I was kinda sad on the way home but then my dad bought me some gum(original flavor Bubble Yum,I believe that first flavor was acetone)we got home kinda late ,my dad cut my hair loose from the gum stuck all over the back seat of his 74 superbeatle and carried me to bed.I rolled over the next morning onto JAKE'S DECAYING CORPSE!!!Turns out I did'nt leave him at the park at all,I folded him up in the sofabed and his misshapen limbs were no help in escaping the rusty old frame.We buried him in the backyard in an old dresser drawer,I put my GI Joe glow in the dark space capsule in with him so he wouldn't be alone(and cause that shit gave me nightmares glowing in my room at night)Anyway that was my first experience with loss and anytime I care about somebody I am afraid I am going to come home and find their remains folded up in the sofabed.I thought about it so much I think I subconsciously accidentally folded my first wife into the couch.Strangely enough I do not miss her...but the abandonment issues I have are what drove me into porn.I need to be close to a woman but get away before I find her in the sofa,and its all that midgets fault.If he had taken a proper job as a bar toss toy,I wouldn't have to do porn.So imagine my horror to look up and see one in porn,and even worse yet apparently taking my slot in the gangland series whilst I was imprisoned on that marijuana charge.I get the fuck out do they give me back my job?No they was all like "you ain't Tony Everready you ain't got no gun and we ain't scared of you"and since I'm the kinda of black guy you might have over to your house so you can say you have black friends(I won't lurk in the shadows waiting for my prey,but I will fuck your daughter make no mistake about that)I had to let it slide.So now you know why I hate midgets