I want to urinate on Kaydence Price in a completely non-sexual way.
I want to abandon Lisa Sparxxx on a deserted island for one week with only a few bottles of water to sustain her. Then I want Smartt kidnapped, deep-fried in chocolate and caramel, shipped to Sparxxx's island and crucified on a upside-down cross near the ocean. If all goes according to plan, a starving, stark-raving-mad Sparxxx and a bevy of seagulls will consume Smartt's sweetened flesh.
I want Taylor Rain to wear a sandwich board that reads "Will fuck anything that's not black" while standing outside a liquor store in Compton.
I want to be Dr. Manhattan from
The Watchmen.
I want someone to finally explain to me how Gen Padova keeps getting work.
I want Mr. Pete to run face first into a plate glass window. This could potentially improve his freakish appearance and make it easier for all of us to sit through his scenes, not to mention small children will no longer wet themselves in fear when they pass him on the street.
I want an
ADT t-shirt.
I want to slide down San Francisco’s Lombard Street on a Wankus-sled.
I want Holly Randall to post a picture of herself wearing only Superman underoos and glasses.
I want video of Monstar diving into the ocean in a desperate attempt to cling onto the Navy vessel that's carrying the love of his life, Eva Angelina, away.
I want Jeff or Tony to reveal at least one Brandon Iron alias currently being used.
I want to be able to forget this Steve Holmes quote: "The oldest women I fucked off camera was 72 and I was in my early twenties."