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#134404 - 12/18/05 12:38 PM
Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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This is both an amusing and annoying story....the sex cruise scandal involving the Vikings and QB Daunte Culpepper, which has resulted in Culpepper being charged with several misdemeanors relating to "Lewd, Lascivious and Disorderly Conduct"... Daunte Culpepper, already has achieved virtual immortality due to his success as an Athlete. His life will be remembered by many people years after he is dead because of all the sports memoribilia and taped performances of his games. So why would a late 20s physically fit professional athlete, with a family and a 10 year, $102 million contract (plus millions more in endorsements) engage in sex in public on a boat full of people? Why would Daunte, who can discreetly have any woman/women he desires in private feel compelled to drop his pants and insert his $10 million-per-annum erect penis into the mouth of a woman who had already made the decision to have sex in front of everyone else on this boat? What the hell was this man thinking to cause him to besmirch his team, his family and his name, and even risk losing a part of all that he has, by doing this act? He is fearful of death...or, more aptly, he is afraid of "not living"...Daunte saw a young lady engaged in sexual abandon with a number of other people on this boat. Daunte was aroused and tempted by what he saw, no doubt wondering in his mind what it would look AND feel like to place his male appendage inside this woman's mouth. Despite all that he has in life and all he stands to lose, he was consumed by a nagging preoccupation that his life would be incomplete if he did not experience that sensation, if he did not capture that imagery inside his mind...if he died tomorrow, Daunte reasoned, he wanted to die with the knowledge of what this woman would look like consuming his seminal fluid, and what it would feel like ejaculating in her mouth, on a boat full of people, in the middle of a lake, in early October, with teammates around him, after his team had started with a 1-3 record. He was afraid to die without knowing that... Daunte Culpepper confirms that the purpose of life is to have as many orgasms as possible before you croak...
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#134406 - 12/18/05 01:07 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
Well, this being the Shit List and all, I'm more than happy to pile on my former XPT Fantasy Football quarterback, who singlehandedly shot the first half of my season to shit with his shitty play, shitty decisions, and shitty knee ligaments. All things considered, I expect that he is having a long, cold, and lonely winter on the shores of Lake Minnetonka. Happy Kwanzaa, dirtbag. 
Actually he is in Orlando, and has been getting a lot of grief for not being with his teammates, raising speculation he is really guilty of these sex charges. He claims the warm Florida Weather is key to his rehab, which kinda makes sense, but still, with that boat orgy floating around in people's perception....perception is reality.
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#134407 - 12/18/05 06:14 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Registered Sex Offender
Registered: 04/16/04
Posts: 2415
Loc: On the Mia Rose bandwagon
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Quote:
Quote:
Well, this being the Shit List and all, I'm more than happy to pile on my former XPT Fantasy Football quarterback, who singlehandedly shot the first half of my season to shit with his shitty play, shitty decisions, and shitty knee ligaments. All things considered, I expect that he is having a long, cold, and lonely winter on the shores of Lake Minnetonka. Happy Kwanzaa, dirtbag.
Actually he is in Orlando, and has been getting a lot of grief for not being with his teammates, raising speculation he is really guilty of these sex charges. He claims the warm Florida Weather is key to his rehab, which kinda makes sense, but still, with that boat orgy floating around in people's perception....perception is reality.
Makes perfect sense he is in Florida this time of year. The lakes are frozen over in Minnesota in December. He had to find warmer climate so he could continue to nail hookers out on the high seas
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" Bitch, not even a dumptruck full of Gucci bags would get me to do you. "- Gia Jordan response to pornactorforhire
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#134409 - 12/18/05 08:23 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 9195
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As I sit here half watching the monitor, half-watching my Bears beat the bejeezuz out of Atlanta (and they are brutalizing Jim More Jr right now), I recall some of the more memorable episodes when sports and sex met. Who could forget Mike Vick aka Ron Mexico, or Andruw Jones' "I saw some good lesbian action" while testifying in the Gold Club trial, or Patrick Ewing's, "I hung around a little bit and talked to them, then I left." Perhaps you recall Daunte's Viqueen predecessor Warren Moon, who apparently strengthened his throwing hand by choking his wife twice. Several rapists come to mind, Kobe Tyson and Mike Bryant. And and oldies but a goodie, Rae "The Green Mile" Carruth who shot his pregnant girlfriend to death, only to be found a week later hiding in the trunk of a Toyota Camry somewhere in Tennessee.
The full indictment is available at The Smoking Gun.
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#134410 - 12/18/05 08:34 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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mora! jim mora! the "playoffs?" guy's seed. Quote:
As I sit here half watching the monitor, half-watching my Bears beat the bejeezuz out of Atlanta (and they are brutalizing Jim More Jr right now), I recall some of the more memorable episodes when sports and sex met. Who could forget Mike Vick aka Ron Mexico, or Andruw Jones' "I saw some good lesbian action" while testifying in the Gold Club trial, or Patrick Ewing's, "I hung around a little bit and talked to them, then I left." Perhaps you recall Daunte's Viqueen predecessor Warren Moon, who apparently strengthened his throwing hand by choking his wife twice. Several rapists come to mind, Kobe Tyson and Mike Bryant. And and oldies but a goodie, Rae "The Green Mile" Carruth who shot his pregnant girlfriend to death, only to be found a week later hiding in the trunk of a Toyota Camry somewhere in Tennessee.
The full indictment is available at The Smoking Gun.
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"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#134413 - 12/18/05 09:52 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Icon
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
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I feel you Arab, I don't miss the mid-west winters at all which is why I'm now in Arizona. Lake Michigan looks so pretty in the summer but makes Chicago the worlds biggest meat locker some winter nights, but you know that. I digress, I realize that I just ripped Culpepper, but doesn't his indictment seem really mild to you? All he did was place his hand on a booty?
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#134414 - 12/18/05 09:56 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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no worries willy, i'm just fucking witcha.
arab, i'm black. i resent that.
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"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#134416 - 12/18/05 10:21 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/03/03
Posts: 5849
Loc: TX, USA
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Jeff Merron @ ESPN runs a column every year titled "The Year in Sex Sport". 2005 2004 seems to be subscriber only? 2003 2003 - part 22002 2001 He also did a Sex and the Superbowl column. Bill Simmons' columns @ ESPN are usually loaded with porn references, although some escape me (comparing Al Michaels to T.T. Boy?)
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"If they can't picture me with a knife, forcing them to strip in an alley, I don't want any part of it. It's humiliating." - windsock
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#134418 - 12/19/05 02:51 AM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 9195
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Quote:
I'm waiting for half of the buildings to start exploding like trees in deep freeze. It's so fucking cold that you can hear the sound of big iron doors opening and closing every time Sammura takes another john. It's that cold.
I lived on Pine Grove next door to the Elks' War Memorial for 2 years. I hated walking all the way to the El platform, but I had a healthy fear of the lowlifes and scum who had already gotten on the 151 bus up in Rogers Park. Imagine my horror when the snow blew horizontally down Diversey St on a workday. I actually had to hold my umbrella behind my back to shield myself. To go down to Soldier Field in that, I'd rather stay indoors and get tickets for Jerry Springer.
Quote:
no worries willy, i'm just fucking witcha.
There's also Jim "We SUCKED...our offense SUCKED...our defense SUCKED...our kicking SUCKED" Mora. Almost as good as Tommy Lasodra's rant about Dave Kingman. Or the best, Lee Elia's f-bomb infested tirade about Cubs fans. Every Cardinals fan has a recording of that.
Quote:
two words: Wade boggs
Yeah, I also forgot Sean "I populated Seattle" Kemp and Steve "I populated San Diego" Garvey. The Sergei Federov/Anna Kornikova thing was mildly amusing.
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#134419 - 12/19/05 10:16 AM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Human Garbage
Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 1683
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Holy shit, I lived on Pine Grove and Diversey when I was in college. There was a building there, can't remember the address (or, on most days, my own middle name), but there was a roller blade shop in the lobby, grocery store across the street, all night diner at the end of the block and a liquor store right across from it. All the apartments were little boxes about the size of Smartt's dungeon of pain, really fucking tiny, and the closet was about the same size as the apartment itself. That is the windiest fucking street in the entire city, the shit picks up off the lake, whips around the towers and the marina and just rips a layer of skin off by the time you hit Broadway, which at the time was famous as a pit stop for ambiguously gay married men looking for their first tits with dick experience. You could pretty much exist for months without going more than 50 feet: food, libations, watching tranny whores stabbing johns from the window and that cosmic Elk's memorial where God only knows what deviant rituals were performed by men in racoon caps. And there was nothing quite as cool as coming down off four hits of acid and stumbling through Lincoln Park in the morning. Good times.
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#134420 - 12/19/05 07:16 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Human Garbage
Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 1545
Loc: In the tree outside Gia Jordan...
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Quote:
Quote:
I'm waiting for half of the buildings to start exploding like trees in deep freeze. It's so fucking cold that you can hear the sound of big iron doors opening and closing every time Sammura takes another john. It's that cold.
I lived on Pine Grove next door to the Elks' War Memorial for 2 years. I hated walking all the way to the El platform, but I had a healthy fear of the lowlifes and scum who had already gotten on the 151 bus up in Rogers Park. Imagine my horror when the snow blew horizontally down Diversey St on a workday. I actually had to hold my umbrella behind my back to shield myself. To go down to Soldier Field in that, I'd rather stay indoors and get tickets for Jerry Springer.
Quote:
no worries willy, i'm just fucking witcha.
There's also Jim "We SUCKED...our offense SUCKED...our defense SUCKED...our kicking SUCKED" Mora. Almost as good as Tommy Lasodra's rant about Dave Kingman. Or the best, Lee Elia's f-bomb infested tirade about Cubs fans. Every Cardinals fan has a recording of that.
Quote:
two words: Wade boggs
Yeah, I also forgot Sean "I populated Seattle" Kemp and Steve "I populated San Diego" Garvey. The Sergei Federov/Anna Kornikova thing was mildly amusing.
Willie, help me out, who was the MLB player who had the "slump busting" take on the Rome show. I think he played for SF(not sure). Anyway he went on about how players would get into a slump they would find the biggest, ugliest, nastiest woman(in this case K.Andrews) and "take one for the team". Damn I can't remember his name.
**edited to add**
Shit, should have checked google first. Mark Grace of Chicago Cubs fame got off this epic blast
“fattest, gnarliest chick you can uncover.â€
Edited by c62 (12/19/05 07:38 PM)
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If cum was concrete, Quasarman would have a four lane freeway going down his throat. - pariah
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#134421 - 12/19/05 07:45 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 9195
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Quote:
who was the MLB player who had the "slump busting" take on the Rome show.
Mark Grace back in late 1993, the season he retired.
FWIW, when Keith Hernandexz played for the Cardinals in 1982, he took on a habit of not changing his underwear when the Birds were on a winning streak...they won the World Series that year. 
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#134422 - 12/19/05 08:23 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
The Marquis de Sade was arrested a half-dozen times for beating whores and children. Each time he got off (no pun intended) based on his family connections. He'd scarcely be freed (twice he escaped from jail) before doing it all over again, until those same family connections finally decided it was better to lock him in Vincennes and the Bastille and save themselves the headache.
So why would anyone give in to sexual and pseudo-sexual compulsion to their own ruin? To me, it sounds like just another form of gambling, but I'd be interested what some of the perverts here think. I dare suggest that the answers would be worth more than the musings of sexless psychiatrists who, if Tom Cruise can be believed, are responsible for Auschwitz and the imprisonment of Lord Xenu to boot.
What I found most interesting about the Marquis De Sade is that, right up to the end before his death, he used to orchestrate amongst the other criminals and insane asylum inmates re-enactments of his most perverted fantasies and actual real life orgies prior to his incarceration. This guy, a super intelligent well bred / wealthy man of his time, didn't give a rat's ass about anything except pursuing his debauched fantasies and dreams 24/7....
...think about that! He's old, about to croak in a dismal prison/asylum, and he is going to elaborate lengths and energy expenditure to SIMULATE with retards and societal dregs his sick twisted dreams....is this an indictment of the human need for sexual pleasure and validation run amok, or was he just a sick twisted bastard in any time period? More importantly, if he were alive today, would Melissa Lauren shoot him for Hellfire Sex and would "Marquis Mark" mock Melissa by telling her she is a joke as fas as practitioners of "Sadism" go....
< I feel another profound semi-scholarly PBR Streetgang rant coming on regarding the question Arab raises..."So why would anyone give in to sexual and pseudo-sexual compulsion to their own ruin?" >
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#134423 - 12/19/05 08:49 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Icon
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 3499
Loc: The Dirty: 480
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Quote:
I feel another profound semi-scholarly PBR Streetgang rant coming on regarding the question Arab raises..."So why would anyone give in to sexual and pseudo-sexual compulsion to their own ruin?" >
I think that question is an extension right into your "Why Porn?" manifesto. I say, despite all of our intellect and advancements, we are simply animals after all.
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#134424 - 12/23/08 02:16 AM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Bumpus,a,um....someone was reading this mirror into the glory days of this asylum called xpt. I need to go back to doing SERIOUS drugs...
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#134426 - 12/23/08 05:23 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/22/07
Posts: 5186
Loc: Joshua Tree National Park
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If he's afraid of death, what is he doing playing QB behind that Maginot, err offensive line in Detroit?
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I would eat Allie Sin's asshole until I got an emotion out of her.-Jerkules
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#134428 - 12/24/08 01:01 PM
Re: Daunte Culpepper is Afraid Of Death
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 353
Loc: Macomb mich
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I used to like going to lions games... now i just wish they would remove the team totally:(
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