Bruce David. There was a time that every U.S. serviceman (and some women) left on tour with 2 things: an M-16 and a copy of Hustler. Whether it's actually Bruce's bipolarity or his desire to be surrounded by talentless ass-kissers, he has thrown a stick into Larry's crapple sled by turning Hustler into a 3rd rate porn company.

Vertigo Video. Vertigo had a good start. Good porn, catchy, dare I say "funny" titles. Until they decided to follow up on Gia Paloma's AVN meltdown/overdose by printing an advertisement of her dead on a table full of coke lines. I can get down with a parody like "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" showing Sierra's gaping pooper, but that probably hit too close with a lot of people. Vertigo is like the short-bus kid finding a pet rabbit to pet, and hold, and squeeze, and choke, and pull its head off. And the product ain't what it used to be.

Steph Dunn and Drew Black. A microcosm of the socialist exepriment gone wrong, the operators of ADT are the Fidel Castro of porn. After standing on the highest cliff and claiming they represent the industry, they start banning industry people when the "talent" decides to voice a real opinion. And to verify the duplicity, they thought it was perfectly OK to let posters call each other kikes.

Bob Friedland. The "P" in Jill Kelly Productions. Ya gotta love porn owners' fierce desire for finanacial privacy. Since most of them own their own businesses, great. If you want to borrow from your own company at 0% interest for 600 years, so be it. But when you've coopted a reasonably popular "woman-owned" business and taken it public, those pesky SEC filings can really get in the way. XPT's frozen un-caveman lawyer Smiling Arab poked more holes in JKP's financial dealings than a piece of Andrew Fastow cheese. Bob pulled a Lou Pai and now, JKXP=B-MF-K.

AIM. Someone has to take the fall for the Lara Roxxx HIV scandal. Like suing for deep pockets, let's pass over Darren, Troy and Lara herself. Once again, "Dr." Sharon has exposed her dubious commitment to porn health. When competition was invited into the testing market to provide better results, AIM balked and tried offering certain free services to keep its monopoly. Once the dust died, they started charging for everything again. Bill Gates intoduced the concept of charity with results. No one seems to demand accountability of this non-profit.

HBO. Pornucopia sent me back to my endodontist. Never has a major television network so sugarcoated porn. Yeah, Violet Blue cums on scene 60% of the time, Jenna Jameson is one of the richest women in the world, and Chris Cannon does 6 scenes a day. I have a 4-foot dick, DB can walk, and CAOH will substitute in for Jim Powers on the next Gag Factor..

Alt.porn. Porn's hot topic du jour is already beginning to die. The idea that a bunch of college-aged kids with no money would go out and wank their puds to imps with electric hair, armfuls of tattoos and loud sountracks only missed one critical point: junior has to go ask Mom and Dad for the loot in order to buy that stuff. Plus you have to watch Joanna Angel get banged, bleech!

Wankus. Too easy a target on which to elaborate. He's the Olgie Oglethorpe of porn.