As we come to the end of 2005...time to list your biggest pieces of shit in porn this year. In no particular order, here are a few of my favorite shitheads:

The Kerkove Family. This is Married With Children with small babies, real porn and criminal records longer than Johnny Wadd. Did Skeeter abuse his kids? Did Bridgette set him up? No one knows, except that both are as trustworthy as the Smelly Monkey Land Co. Before I came to this hamlet, I lurked at ADT for a while to check it out. Reading those Skeeter diatribes about what a fine human being he is...you could feel the imminent thrombosis. Then someone would remind him that he is a sex offender and he's just go off. Being a porn-hooker wife/mother is not much better--you'll fuck anyone for money and you have no standards.

The Suicide Girls. If Joanna Angel is the baby of alt-porn, suicide girls dot com is the putrid bloody placential afterbirth. For several years this palce bragged about its tattooed, dreadlocked, Frankenstein-faced "womyn"-made and run website. Oops! Looks like some capitalist pig guys were running the site after all, prompting these unrealistically ideological emo-skanks to figure out what to actually do with their lives, since they are too ugly for porn. Memo to the SG'ers: just because you got Dave Grohl to put a quote on your website does not legitimize you. Dave was only good because Kurt and Chris were better.

Dale Dabone. Someone (probably Dale in a meth craze) started a rumor that Dale was dating tennis teen turned pothead turned old tennis pothead Jennifer Capriati. Probably a step up for Dale, who's used to chatting up Randi Wright before prolapsing her rectum. The story hit every porn board, ESPN radio and TV, Fox Sports Radio, the Jim Rome Show, all of whom latched onto the obvious:
--Dale's utterly stupid porn name
--Jen's days with the hippie lettuce
--The fact that Jen could bite off Dale's winky with her Shy Love-sized incisors.
Of course the story was false. Dale issued an apology, I recall.

Jewel DeNyle's parents. Aside from the fact that getting your parents into porn is a bizarro-world move in itself, why in the hell would you trust these brainiacs to lead a team of porn whores down to the Bahamas, where all shit breaks loose, whores are directed to blow everyone who asks, no one has a hotel room, and Jewel's bosses are out $50K for Mommy and Daddy's fuckup. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

(this is a local one) Jenna Jameson. Whoever made up that expression, "I oughta write the mayor," should have excluded porn whores. For over a year now, Jenna has been trying to reopen Babe's, a defunct strip club in south Scottsdale, AZ, a middle class but very religious neighborhood who has already been swindled by the city government twice in the last decade. Understand, Scottsdale is a pretty conservative place. That ClubJenna can even exist here is a mystery to me. First they tried to block Jenna's liquor license and couldn't. Now they want to ban "touching" lap dances at any new clubs, like hers. Jenna's brilliant solution: go out in the public and call out the city council and mayor. Note to Jenna: I know the mayor, went to school with her children. She's a bigger bitch about porn than you are about black guys.



I planned to include Scipio the ADT mod who came over here for a few days and posted during the Shane Diesel saga. He seemed to enjoy the shit-throwing so much, what does that say about Steph? I'm removing him. C'mon back, bra'

Happy shit-throwing!

Quote:

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Looks like some capitalist pig guys

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In the Top 5 XPT Best Moves of 2005, Willie Being Made Shitlist Mod. This is what it should be like...these kinds of posts. The Shitlist stench will reach so high in 2006 that even the Cosmonauts stuck on the Russian Space Station with atrophied muscles will say *sniff sniff* "Yuri, did you lose control of your O-ring again? Comrade, we cannot live like this."

Keep it up dude....

max hardcore is the biggest piece of shit

and i will still knock him silly

Jewel's parents needed the money, dude. She was trying to help them out.

I know Harry got railroaded by some political crony; that's an excuse, but not a valid one. And does that excuse their ineptitude with the Bahama thing? He used to run a trucking company, and once said, Business is business. But I think they got caught up in the "porn" of the "porn business." No ill will intended, but their little stunt was shitheaded.

DB, i love ya but are you talking about Larry (Hustler) i respect what he is and what he did for this indestry. because of him i am able to do what i do.

xo christie lee

oopps sorry SB one too many beers i misread and mixed up the posts.

Ehhh. Christie...look at my MySpace profile. I don't wanna meet anybody. MySpace is a necessary evil. If I make an actual friend there I will slit my wrists in protest.

I meant "Harry," as in "Dirty Harry," the middle-aged skank porn guy. If you interpolated Da Burglar or Larry Flynt, sorry, I corrected myself.

It is a bit of a Derridean moment, though, isn't it, you philosophiles? C'mon, Gen, is it Derridean or Freudian, I don't know which. Philo was my minor.

derrida hated the jews. ludwig w. was a heeb. derrida can go fuck himself with heideigger's aneros xp buttplug. fraud.

Biggest Piece of Shit 2005 = jamesn

how come if max is so into piss and puke ....why doesnt he ever get pissed on or drink fake puke ?

biggest piece of shit 2005 in my book goes to:

drum roll ..............


Haley Joel Osment

Biggest Piece of shit in 2005=TAYLOR"MOTHERFUCKING"RAIN

Taylor gets the award for quitting on screen porn and now is only fucking on her personal website!! Who does she think she is, Jenna Fucking Jameson??? NEWSFLASH Taylor, you were yesterday's news 2 years ago..You really think that you will last shooting on your pathetic website!! I hope nobody bothers going to your site and you fucking get the reality check you deserve!! I HATE TAYLOR RAIN!!

Death 2 Taylor's dog BANDIT!!

TMFR

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in a singular moment of both her synapses firing in tandem, TR dumped Fayner, and presumably still has the mutt, meaning there is only 1 retard caring for it. One retard and one moron (Keith), most likely. Here I use "caring" in the loosest possible sense of the word.

i've never claimed to be anything but a dumb bum, but anyone who knows me at all knows i'm better suited to care for a dog than most people are.

and thanks jeff steward for sticking up for Bandit. he is a kick ass dog. hate the chick, not the canine

Don't worry, Scott, we've never confused you for anything but a dumb bumb either.

How are the memoirs going? It would be a nearly religious experience to discover the real story behind B-grade porn whores and Scott Skidmark.

Jesus Christ is Scott Fayner still alive. Monkey has been trying to get under Scott’s skin for a while. I just don't think it can be done. Not because he's above all that it's that he had his pale yellow skin vacuum formed to his skeleton, it’s impervious.

Scott a little recommendation, switch to crank, that way when TMFR aborts her fetus along with her new husband you can be waiting in the wings with Bandit and something in common to share with her.

Bruce David. There was a time that every U.S. serviceman (and some women) left on tour with 2 things: an M-16 and a copy of Hustler. Whether it's actually Bruce's bipolarity or his desire to be surrounded by talentless ass-kissers, he has thrown a stick into Larry's crapple sled by turning Hustler into a 3rd rate porn company.

Vertigo Video. Vertigo had a good start. Good porn, catchy, dare I say "funny" titles. Until they decided to follow up on Gia Paloma's AVN meltdown/overdose by printing an advertisement of her dead on a table full of coke lines. I can get down with a parody like "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" showing Sierra's gaping pooper, but that probably hit too close with a lot of people. Vertigo is like the short-bus kid finding a pet rabbit to pet, and hold, and squeeze, and choke, and pull its head off. And the product ain't what it used to be.

Steph Dunn and Drew Black. A microcosm of the socialist exepriment gone wrong, the operators of ADT are the Fidel Castro of porn. After standing on the highest cliff and claiming they represent the industry, they start banning industry people when the "talent" decides to voice a real opinion. And to verify the duplicity, they thought it was perfectly OK to let posters call each other kikes.

Bob Friedland. The "P" in Jill Kelly Productions. Ya gotta love porn owners' fierce desire for finanacial privacy. Since most of them own their own businesses, great. If you want to borrow from your own company at 0% interest for 600 years, so be it. But when you've coopted a reasonably popular "woman-owned" business and taken it public, those pesky SEC filings can really get in the way. XPT's frozen un-caveman lawyer Smiling Arab poked more holes in JKP's financial dealings than a piece of Andrew Fastow cheese. Bob pulled a Lou Pai and now, JKXP=B-MF-K.

AIM. Someone has to take the fall for the Lara Roxxx HIV scandal. Like suing for deep pockets, let's pass over Darren, Troy and Lara herself. Once again, "Dr." Sharon has exposed her dubious commitment to porn health. When competition was invited into the testing market to provide better results, AIM balked and tried offering certain free services to keep its monopoly. Once the dust died, they started charging for everything again. Bill Gates intoduced the concept of charity with results. No one seems to demand accountability of this non-profit.

HBO. Pornucopia sent me back to my endodontist. Never has a major television network so sugarcoated porn. Yeah, Violet Blue cums on scene 60% of the time, Jenna Jameson is one of the richest women in the world, and Chris Cannon does 6 scenes a day. I have a 4-foot dick, DB can walk, and CAOH will substitute in for Jim Powers on the next Gag Factor..

Alt.porn. Porn's hot topic du jour is already beginning to die. The idea that a bunch of college-aged kids with no money would go out and wank their puds to imps with electric hair, armfuls of tattoos and loud sountracks only missed one critical point: junior has to go ask Mom and Dad for the loot in order to buy that stuff. Plus you have to watch Joanna Angel get banged, bleech!

Wankus. Too easy a target on which to elaborate. He's the Olgie Oglethorpe of porn.

willie's banging out shit that's hard to disagree with these days. especially on gates-the dude's the greatest philanthropist in history and he's committed to essentially die fully-divested yet takes more shit than anyone. nobody that rich has ever divested most of their shit within a lifetime, he will-and he's doing it well. let's get him to post, even though his wife's not hot.

Well said Willie. I wish I had the patience, time and talent to write everything you just posted but you summed it all up perfectly.

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Yeah supposedly they are NOT together. I know about Keith, but why do they still take vacations together, just them two?? That I just dont get? Like when they went to his family's home in Nantucket. They were all lovey dovey in the pictures she posted.

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Does this answer your question!

Bandit is more popular than TR. if he had a DVD he'd outsell her 10 to 1!