i just posted this on adt, mainly because i think bornyo and i used up a fair amount of goodwill making fun of the well-respected guy who shoved shit up his ass. but i'll post it here, because y'alls my niggaz.


I am now almost done with my two month stint in orthopedics in NYC. My first month was spent at Lenox Hill. This residency was largely disappointing, and I spent most of my time sneaking out of the hospital early in an effort to sun bathe in central park. St Lukes/Roosevelt hospital was a much better experience....Here are some brief highlights:

While shaving some dude's hairy knee before an arthroscopy (knee scope), I managed instead to accidentally take a huge chunk out of my own finger. This was the first case during my month at St. Lukes, and despite my attempts to conceal the bloody digit, the puddle of my own blood that had formed behind my hidden hand made me look completely retarded.

Later that week, I was asked to return a cadaver to morgue. As following directions have never been my strongest attribute, I got lost and wheeled the cadaver past the cafeteria. Those that saw the mangled foot hanging out of the filthy cardboard box that covered the body were visibly repulsed. Again, no one at St. Lukes was terribly impressed at this point.

Later that month, I was the victim of sexual molestation. I felt similar to the what I expect the normal reaction would be to sleeping with R--P---after a "j-Date" gone horribly wrong. As the anesthesiologist induced the spinal block, it was my duty to stand in front of the patient and make sure that they didn't fall off the operating table. This obese lady was particularly feisty, and started to massage/play with my arm hair. This foreplay was further accelerated when the woman-beast grabbed my penis and asked if it was "ok." Handjobs are never ok unless you are R-- P----, and you are wearing James Ns' pants, in which case, handjobs are fantastic.

In my final week, I met a tourist who unfortunately saw new york from the perspective of the bottom of a truck. When I went to examine her in the E.R. I noticed that most of her calf muscle was hanging out of her leg, and resting comfortably on the floor next to her. In clinic later that day, I met a schizophrenic lady that accused me on artificially inseminating her with horse semen. Awkwardly, I asked Rachel Z---- to go home.

Now, at Washington Hospital Center, I am back with G-town residents, and my interest in staying in DC has been somewhat rekindled. I spend my days removing bullets femurs and pelvis', and I take pride in making sure all of my drug dealer patients will again walk, and likely flee from the police. There tattoos that cover their body have helped me to become a much improved sewer, as I now have pictures of Jesus, big busty naked chicks, and guns that serve as permanent lines on the skin that help me to more acurately bring the skin to its normal anatomic position.

That's it, more later...hopefully after I have interviewed. Talk to you soon,

Ev