i just posted this on adt, mainly because i think bornyo and i used up a fair amount of goodwill making fun of the well-respected guy who shoved shit up his ass. but i'll post it here, because y'alls my niggaz.


I am now almost done with my two month stint in orthopedics in NYC. My first month was spent at Lenox Hill. This residency was largely disappointing, and I spent most of my time sneaking out of the hospital early in an effort to sun bathe in central park. St Lukes/Roosevelt hospital was a much better experience....Here are some brief highlights:

While shaving some dude's hairy knee before an arthroscopy (knee scope), I managed instead to accidentally take a huge chunk out of my own finger. This was the first case during my month at St. Lukes, and despite my attempts to conceal the bloody digit, the puddle of my own blood that had formed behind my hidden hand made me look completely retarded.

Later that week, I was asked to return a cadaver to morgue. As following directions have never been my strongest attribute, I got lost and wheeled the cadaver past the cafeteria. Those that saw the mangled foot hanging out of the filthy cardboard box that covered the body were visibly repulsed. Again, no one at St. Lukes was terribly impressed at this point.

Later that month, I was the victim of sexual molestation. I felt similar to the what I expect the normal reaction would be to sleeping with R--P---after a "j-Date" gone horribly wrong. As the anesthesiologist induced the spinal block, it was my duty to stand in front of the patient and make sure that they didn't fall off the operating table. This obese lady was particularly feisty, and started to massage/play with my arm hair. This foreplay was further accelerated when the woman-beast grabbed my penis and asked if it was "ok." Handjobs are never ok unless you are R-- P----, and you are wearing James Ns' pants, in which case, handjobs are fantastic.

In my final week, I met a tourist who unfortunately saw new york from the perspective of the bottom of a truck. When I went to examine her in the E.R. I noticed that most of her calf muscle was hanging out of her leg, and resting comfortably on the floor next to her. In clinic later that day, I met a schizophrenic lady that accused me on artificially inseminating her with horse semen. Awkwardly, I asked Rachel Z---- to go home.

Now, at Washington Hospital Center, I am back with G-town residents, and my interest in staying in DC has been somewhat rekindled. I spend my days removing bullets femurs and pelvis', and I take pride in making sure all of my drug dealer patients will again walk, and likely flee from the police. There tattoos that cover their body have helped me to become a much improved sewer, as I now have pictures of Jesus, big busty naked chicks, and guns that serve as permanent lines on the skin that help me to more acurately bring the skin to its normal anatomic position.

That's it, more later...hopefully after I have interviewed. Talk to you soon,

Ev

As a general rule, humans don't donate their living bodies for medical students to practice and refine their surgical techniques. This, along with bacon, footballs, and girls for xxxxxxxxx to hook up with, are the reasons why pigs exist. Such was the setting in Georgetown's vivarium. I was excited to operate on my pig, and I successfully removed his (yes, he had a pig penis) gallblader, and resected & reanastamosed a portion of his small intestine. My partner, however, did not share my enthusiasm in surgery, and her reluctance to participate allowed me to take charge. She was between me and porky's head, and after I made a particulary deep cut, the pig sort of came out of anasthesia and hoof-kicked her in the elbow. As you should know, "things" in surgery shouldn't wake up mid-cut, but so to, med students shouldn't run out of the O/R screaming.
While on this rotation, eating meals doesn't always occur when expected, or at all. So, when you get the chance, speed and volume are the name of the game. So, i had the opportunity to eat a taco salad, and I inhaled it just in time to called back to the OR. (Note: there is a reflex (gastrocolic reflex) that encourages people to go potty after they eat, in an effort to make room for the incoming food. My "reflex" works like clockwork). So, as I am scrubbing in, all of the sudden, my belly begins to rumble, and out of nowhere, the Puerto Rican National parade starts marching through my colon. But in the OR, there is just you, the resident, the attending doctor, and the patient, all in a very close proximity. There is no dog to blame gas on. So, i did what any intelligent medical student would do. I began my unholy orchestra exactly at the moment that we exposed the patients bowels. At this point, the surgeons got real nervous because they thought they perforated the patient's bowel (this is very bad). Although I knew the true source of the smell, I kept my mouth shut, anus open, and smiled to myself behind my operating mask.
Now that my 3 months of surgery are completed, I am sure of several things: Having bone fragments and blood spurting into your face and hair does not make you more attractive.....Enraging surgeons to the extent that they actually want to cripple you does not help you honor vascular surgery....putting a tube into someone's stomach from their nose is uncomfortable, and is complicated by schizophrenia.....I am still excited about surgery, but unclear whether I will end up as an orthopedic surgeon, urologist, or plastic surgeon. Happy holidays, off to St. Croix for New Years

if it bores you, i'm doing something right.

Actually james, this isn't to incite a flame war, it's a mystery to me why you post on porn boards. Why don't you go stir shit up on a non porn board or at the Harvard Med chat room?? The porn stars you go after don't care, you won't change a thing and all you're doing is stroking your own ego or being mean towards the meaningless... it just baffles me why you're here. Obviously judging by my number of posts in comparison to my registration date I'm basically a newbie, don't attack me for wondering aloud about your motives...please enlighten us.

fair enough. if you stick around, it'll hopefully become obvious that i'm not just saying mean things to porn stars. obviously i say mean things, mostly about wankus, i also stay out of some shit and have on at least three occasions said nice things to those working in the pure comedy gold that is the pornographic film industry.

i had nothing against padova until she chose to side with smartt over reason, for example. should she start stabbing him in the back and flaming him, she's great.

ghostshadow= sammura

clearly.

and i've got nothing to do with med school, i'm just cruel and making fun of people in porn is a far more acceptable outlet than firing people then boxing their ears, dickens-style.

speaking of the devil--i think she's dead. i just did a quick search for the samster and there hasn't been a rabid-peep from her, about wetbacks or otherwise. i'd love to pursue this further, but having someone walk into my office and see several windows full of black escort agency-sites in chicago is proibably a no-no.

ghostshadow, we'll always have hatred of wankus and hypnocock.

too kind, he said he didn't want a flamewar, but the only substantive difference between what i'm doing and ghost-dog's posts is that i do it at a higher level.

wow dude, 19 posts and half of them are because i make you cry somehow. i hope your parents get river-blindness.

what you're doing is basically whining that someone's too smart to be here, and that's fucking offensive. do you think people are dumb here? i mean from the top down, you don't go from working for pat collins to being able to buy him out and keep your lambo by being a stupid pornographer. malice? press-releases, enough said. willie, burglar, monkey-comic geniuses. monstar's writing a book, gen's got a bio degree, jrv's a degreed engineer, zenman's forgotten more about italian history than you'll ever know.

those are the mods, the users know the capital of mongolia and there's no dropoff when you look at the pornstars like bish and gia, i'd go into everybody but it'd be a fucking awards ceremony.

you post the equivalent of "pull my finger"-do you think they really want to read that?
the only other thing you seem capable of doing is finding a picture that has nothing to do with hypnocock and really wasn't very funny and feeling it deserved a thread.

oh yeah, and you can call out people on myspace as stalkers......but wait, you're a fucking stalker youself if you're spending that much time "cruising" pornstars' myspace pages.

stop the presses! someone on myspace is a loser!


back to the parents and river-blindness. send me some pics when it gets painful for them, bitch, i will not apologize for being smarter and funnier than you.. i'm here because people "get it". even smartt's got more value than you, he provides a common enemy to rally against by being fellated by trannies and he's fought back for 5k posts. you're nothing, you find sites listed on the front page of adultfyi and think you've figured out the earth isn't flat, your parents don't deserve to see.

2 things that make the cage great...

1) Monkey's rants
2) Tactical Nukes from james' arsenal

sweet

Remember, when we were young, and we'd wander in to find our parents watching Wild Kingdom on PBS? So we'd sit down too and watch, but we knew we'd regret it. Some dumbass gazelle would wander out of his pack and right on up to the watering hole, the camera pans and zooms to the family of salivating lions 20 yards away relaxing under a tree.
The gazelle turns around and shits right into the water, the lions take umbrage, theres a short chase scene with some slow-mo, and then you're sitting there squirming as you watch the carnage and gore. I just had this recollection after reading the thread, just thought I'd share it with you . . .