benevolence is tolerable provided i get something out of it-i give to a couple of african charities, not only out of spite towards the sense of entitlement that infects many americans and a wish that as little of my money is redistributed to people who have opinions about how best to spend it because they got a 1080 on their sats and watch thought-provoking political news programs.

no, it's because they have lions, leopards, sharks that can live in fresh water, and at least 20 plagues that haven't been discovered lurking in a monkey being groomed for the assistant minister of finance in brazil. i enjoy walking around, marvelling at how all the snakes are dangerous and hippos kill people then shooting their large animals and coming home where the cheesy silver refrigerator my condo's previous owners decided only cost half of the per-capita income of malawi and wasn't worth taking with them. as a token of appreciation for keeping their continent full of terrifying and wonderous beasts, i'm quite generous with my support.



so luke, i won't ask you to house hyenas-you've got rob spallone. what i ask in return for my generosity is simply...entertainment.

i'd love to send you several hundred generic pills-the catch being not all of them will enhance your already estimable virility. over the course of one week, you'll blindfold yourself upon arising and take eight pills with the same kind of randomness found in those lottery ball things that tax fat poor women nightly. just stick your hand in-it's a grab back of the staggering pharmecutical advancements we benefited from in the last century.

i'll make sure nothing interacts fatally-the shrink who gives me adhd meds for over a decade and will write a script for anything out of some foolish sense of trust and the fact i haven't died yet. maybe not clean opiates which aren't an issue. you'll be in good hands, she teaches at the best medical school in the country so shitty ritalin or ativan--just short-acting benzos and dextroamphetamine salts and maybe desoxyn if i remember to return one of her books.
chances are you won't grab a handfull of speed alone and turn into the tasmanian-jew-convert-devil or the handful of downers that would interfere with your noble and ardous daily task---you'll just be really fucked up, probably have chosen a levitra and write even weirder things and that's worth it to me. i'll spring for a half-dozen bottles of levitra if you don't issue any corrections to your daily updates.

i give till it hurts, because i'm choking of food from laughing too hard at lukeisback.

deal?