This is good stuff. The best part:

Quote:

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"Nose to nose- I'm waiting for him to make a move. If he swings at me it would be beautiful. We're getting into each other's face. And everybody's watching now." Ten minutes later, the bouncers show up, according to Wankus.

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Ten minutes?! Ten fuckin' minutes?! What was he doing, cutting sleeves off t-shirts and waxing Tyler's upper lip while he plotted how he was going to lay it on the guy?

Not surprising, Wankus is all bark, no bite. Not even a homosexual nibble. He should have just knelt down and fellated Talon right then and there. It probably would have been less humiliating and Talon would have enjoyed it.

I can just imagine Wayne sitting with friends at a rundown sports bar in Van Nuys while he reminisces over urine-soaked community peanuts and a Michelob Ultra about all the times he could have been a badass.

"I'm telling you, I didn't want to just stand by while my mom was assaulted in that El Polo Loco parking lot, but I was afraid the attacker would have sued me if I punched first."

As amusing as I find all this, a valuable opportunity was missed. Wankus could be in the hospital right now and we could all be enjoying a good laugh. Where's a drunk and pissed-off Dick Delaware when you need him?

And the transformation from internet radio mook into full-fledged suitcase pimp is now complete.

Quote:

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"All of a sudden this guy walks up to her and grabs her from behind by the arms and shakes her and kind of pushes her down- what the fuck is that?" Faith then told Wankus that everything was cool.

"What the fuck is cool about that?" Faith then told him who Talon was, that he was on her list of male performers to work with.

"It was somebody I never liked any way or at least his reputation--I just never met him," said Wankus. "I didn't like his reputation nor his brother's or his uncle's. And the whole HIV-thing and the Brazil shoots." Wankus thought that Talon was being disrespectful to Faith.

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Just keep the jizzwipes comin', towelboy.

That settles it. As God is my witness I'm going to a PSK. Either that or I'm hiring someone wearing a "Bornyo" nametag to deliver a dozen roses and a fifth of mezcal to Wankus while he's onstage.

If I do go there, I'm taking Genesis Skye out with me afterwards and all you haters will have to find another drug addict to love.

arab, i assume it's legal to set up a non-profit with the goal of paying monstar to kill wankus as long as it divests itself ahead of schedule and he adheres to traditional tribal practices or just wears moccasins, puts magic marker on his face and can make up a convincing-sounding language to chant in. this is kosher, right? as long as you claim you're not making money and work indians and white guilt, i can't imagine there being limits to what you're allowed to do.

i really, really want taxidermied wankus in my dining room.

I'm not sure: the problem isn't in the legal corporation but as to whether Monstar can convince a judge that murdering a suitcase pimp is a rite of passage in his tribe.

Despite the number of blond crystal groovers I've met who claim a Cherokee Princess somewhere in their lineage, I believe Monstar's the real deal. And he's had acting lessons, or at least been an extra, so he might be able to pull off the Hollywood Indian thing.

Monstar: do you ever cry when you see white people litter?

We do need to work on your dialogue a bit. Nobody's going to believe you're a real Indian--you're too articulate.

Repeat after me, talk like you're reading an eye chart and always put the emphasis on the wrong syllable:

"YES ARAB. THERE IS IRON IN YOUR WORDS."

Okay. Now this:

"TROPHY WIFE MUST BE BLOND. DILUTE GENE POLL, FUCK OWN PEOPLE TO DEATH."

Finally:

"WANKMAN TAKE SQUAW, WIPE MAN CREAM WITH SWEATY BANDANA. WANKMAN WIPE NO MORE."

If you can let a tear fall down your cheek as you say the last part while maintaining an otherwise stoic composure, we might be on to something. I can go shoot a few buffalo if you need to work yourself up with the whole method acting thing.

Someone needs to set up an XPT male porn star bitch-slapping contest. I'd suggest the "round-robin" format so we can see earch man-bitch try and slap all the others around. Who would the entries be? Possibilities...

Wankmus
Talon
TT Dwarf
Dirty Izzy
Kurt Lockjaw
Nick Manning
Cryin Knox
Dan DeArmond
the 15th Brazilian tranny to bareback Ariana's dirt-chute.

What others? And would the receive extra points for correctly quoting the beatdowns from the Mickey Avalon song?

Erik Everhard (aka Dr, Strangedick)
Vince Voyeur

Let these tards slap it out, no one will be a true "winner."

Talon on Wankus meltdown.