Light the match here we go...remember this is alt porn so things have to be misspelled.
First up is "Dirty Harree," apparently related to the Erik Estrada of porn, TT Boi. Here we see Harry putting a lickin' on Joanna Angel, the "Tatoo Joo."
I guess I'd be angry if I were related to that Puerto Rican, too. Harry is a dead ringer for Izzy from
Miami Vice. Remember Izzy, the lazy cubano who spoke like we was from Havana AND Harlan, KY? His character was about as deep as the pock marks on Edward James Olmos' left cheek.
On to the whores. Here's alternacunt Cricket.
Criquette has the requisite alt.ugly.whore traits: black everything...makeup, clothes, hair, all of which is a front for her towering stupidity. Staring, she ponders a fate worse than death...losing her Doc Martens! Criquette's body mutilation is worse than Janine and Sky Lopez put together. If Gaugin were alive today, he'd get rid of his eyes instead of his ear. Oh any by the way, Cric, is that a piercing on the side of your nose, or should I get out the knitting needles to pop that zit?
This ode to impishness is Riley
If Plato were alive today, he'd dub Riley his ideal of Vapid-ness. Riley looks like what Liza Minelli WANTS to look like, though I suspect Riley could also kick David Gest's ass. But she's not dumb. Both of her firing synapses know that voltage is the amount of energy in a unit of electric flow, because she and voltage are on good terms. How else do you get that lettuce? Break out the Flow Bee and get to work. And is that a fur she has? Get rid of that now! Did you see how fast those PETA people turned Kate Moss into a motorhead?
Eve Mayfair is asleep, dreaming of all "fabulous" fags on Carnaby Street.
She has just singlehandedly written the review for this waste of oxygen. And Eve is living proof that not all alterna-sluts are cranked to the bejeezuz on meth...obviously Uncle Harry has slipped her a mickey in hopes of scoring later.
Finally we have the illustrous Joanna (not illustrious)
Joanna is another Springer-reject type who has picked up the patchouli and set aside down the Salon Selectives. And make no mistake...she's white. The Colonials hung pictures of her in The Old North Church to warn of the advancing British. "One shank if by land...two skanks if by sea." Her shirt reads "as good as it gets." If that's the upper limit, call Dr. Kevorkian and tell him I'm on my way.
...awesome shit Willie....
I think Riley Mason is bad-assed!
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