It's a warm Summer day in Porn Valley. At the world headquarters of JM Productions, publicity guy Malice is feeling pretty good about himself. He's just booked one Hailey Young to get jizzified by a few dozen wangs. His phone rings.


Receptionist: Mr. Malice, there are 3 women here to see you. One said she was in a recent scene for us.
Tony Malice: OK, send 'em in.
[3 skanks walk into TM's office]
TM: Uh, hi girls, one of you worked with us recently?
Baby Doll: Tony, don't you recognize me. It's Baby Doll. And these are my friends Lolita and Tanga Rae.
TM: OK...uh please sit down. What do you need?
BD: Well, my friends and I need to get some...uhh "descriptions" filled...at Walgreens, yeah; but we're kinda short on cash. I haven't shot for a while. I was wondering...
TM: [under his breath] looks like you've been shooting pretty regularly.
BD: You know...movies, porn scenes.
TM: Oh, yeah, that. Well, things in the industry are a little slow right now. You know, the new 2257 laws, plus that guy Luke is in England, so the porn world has pretty much stopped. I hope he knows Big Ben is a clock.
BD: Well, I was wondering if you needed any more scenes done. I could be ready real quickly.
TM: Welll...you'd need to get tested and all that stuff, you know.
Lolita: Oh, that's OK. I work down at the free methadone clinic and they can test her anytime.
[other skank's celly rings]
Tanga Rae: Oh, that's my dea...uhh...pharmacist. I'll take it outside.
TM. Look, I'm not sure I can get you scheduled soon enough to help you with your prescription. But I've got an idea...my secretary said you never got a copy of the Gutter Mouths DVD. We give away one copy to all talent. I can get you one, and you could...I dunno... autograph it and sell it on e-Bay or something like that. By the way, what's wrong with your teeth?
BD: Oh...uh... just a lot of coke lately, that's all.
TM: [to himself] Coca-Cola? Or the crap Genesis is shoving into her piehole?
BD: Is there anything else you can help us with Tony?
TM: OK, I'll tell you what...here's $25. You girls look like you're hungry. Maybe I can snap a few pictures of you and post them on our website. You know, let the fans decide.
BD: Oh, that'd be great. I'll take my top off for you.
TM: No, really, that's not necessary.
[flashes her saggy rack to the camera while Tony's stomach turns. After a few minutes, the hoes turn to walk out of the office]
BD: Thanks again Tony, for the video and all. Do you have a card with your phone number on it?
TM: No, I just gave my last one to Hailey Young. But you know, call this number. Some guys down the street are doing some new websites. One might be perfect for all three of you. It's called http://www.crackwhoreconfession.com. Don't tell them I sent you.
BD: Bye Tony.
TM: Fuck, where's my Pepto Bismol?

Starring: Tony Malice , Baby Doll , Lolita , Tanga Rae . Special non-speaking cameo by Hailey Young .