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Monstar. Speak to me, brother.

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well, ya know my man....some days I fell like Dack in empire strikes back. "Right now I feel I could take on the whole Empire myself."

...and some days I feel like dack a few minutes later when he got stepped on by an AT-AT.

I guess that is the reality of life. somedays are fuckin great and you are bullet proof, somedays it feels pointless.

and what I mean by that, and I'll come clean about something here....I totally did a solid for a girl, like went out of my way, watched her back, stuck out my neck to an extent.

I felt pretty good about it. I actually felt "justified" in my role as the Monstar. it felt like "ok, this is what the Monstar is about"

...a few weeks later, I asked her about being on Stormy's show, I wanted to bring on a cute chick, they wanted a cute chick, and I wanted this girl to promo herself, for what it was worth. regardless of who was watching or listening. what it came down to, I was asking for a solid.

and something that small, a half hour of her time, that's all, was too much to ask. and I could kinda live with it had I got a "no, sorry, I can't" "I gotta wash my hair" "I gotta take a nap" "I gotta do a line" or what the fuck ever...

I got nothing. a total blow off. no call or e-mail, nothing.

and for a minute I felt irrelevant. like "ok I'm not important for this ho' to even take the time to tell me to fuck off"

but then I go on the show. nervous as all hell, and still rawk the mic, in my own way, and it hits me. someone else, some fuckin harlot, is not going to make me or break me.

no matter how much more effort, creativity, fun, or whatever it is I bring to the table. which I do, not to suck my own dick.

so somedays, i feel like i am rawking and have my volume turned up to 11, somedays i don't

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Damn Monstar, you need to do some Meth...it'll pick you up, make ya feel gooooood....

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my only Achilles heel is my own lack of self confidence. and that comes from seeing so many other guys with websites & blogs...any retard can start one. so when I get lumped in with some of those cats, it kinda , I feel, deflates me, to being just another guy.

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Now here I 100% agree....I have ranted against all these ridiculous blogs in the past...I have avoided things like Myspace mania (I only recently began keeping mine again, cuz Hailey wanted me to join hers...or vice versa.... and my 'myspace' will not be anything special.)
90% of Blogs are retarded, made by retards who have become even more retarded by their blogs. Blogs are similar to Huffing paint, they have made people even more helpless and stupid by promoting the idea that they are NOT helpless and stupid because......wait for it......THEY HAVE A BLOG!!!!!

XPT is my BLOG....my home...if I got something to say I say it here...because the only things I feel like saying anything about anyway these days is Porn (or Meth....)