Hook-Ups 3
Directed by Mark Stone
Starring Teri Wiegel, Aria, Cherry Lane, Flick Shagwell, Dolorian, Fallon Sommers, Bamboo, Kinzie Kenner
Wicked

The premise behind the ‘Hook-Ups’ series is that big name pornstresses get to pick exactly who they wanna fuck, which I guess doesn’t happen all that often (take note, everybody that’s screwed these ingrates on camera already). Theoretically, this is supposed to insure superhotness. But, you know, what if you find out that the person you really wanted to get it on with is kind of a jerk, or has stink-breath? Well, bro, yer in Wicked land, a magical sex kingdom where nothin’ bad ever happens, so don’t worry. And hey, with no tawdry plotlines getting in the way, this one zeroes in on the action, so freak freely, and soak it all in.

The ever amazing, aquiline-nosed sex cyborg Aria ‘hooks up’ with ten-foot-tall blonde glamazon Dolorian on some backporch overlooking a vast fertile green valley. I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere. Some very manic, hot pussy eatin’ ensues, followed by Dollorion’s anal plunging of Aria via one of those dildo’s that looks like a bubblegum machine. Hot scene? Is any scene with Aria NOT hot, buck-o?

I dunno where Teri Weigel is hiding the years- I coulda swore she was on the scene when I was in high school- but here she is, looking as vibrant and gorgeous as ever (‘cept maybe for her signature-but-dated shag haircut, maybe), fucking seasoned vet Randy Spears. Umm…Teri shouldn’t talk so much, tho, ‘cuz she tends to sound like a chain smoking trucker. Ya know?

Since when did teen runaway Cherry Lane become a ‘star’, anyway? She’s first seen here balanced precariously on a balcony, and it looks like a high-wind is gonna end her career at 19 and a half. Luckily, they don’t have wind in California, so she gets to fuck this clean-cut Joey Ray character to her heart’s content. Pussy’s content, whatever. As with Teri’s scene, this one features ‘safe sex’, which is pretty funny, cuz I’ve seen Cherry in scenes with other companies that just SCREAMED “Somebody get a bucket of disinfectant and call a priest”. But hey, Wicked likes rubbers, so what are ya gonna do. Asian hottie-with-a-goofy-name Bamboo screws muscle man Evan Stone next, but even with some girl on top anal action at scene’s end, it still looks like a Skinemax knock-off. Much, much hotter is Kinzie Kenner and Fallon Sommers’ outdoor girl/girl scene. Kenner is, without a doubt, one of the prettiest girls on the porno choppin’ block, and any excuse to watch her is alright with me, but it’s even better when she’s being tenderly serviced by a fox like Sommers. Yeah, I said “tenderly’, man. They don’t all have to end in tears, ya know. Anyway, this scene rocks. Finally, there’s a sweaty three-way with Joel Lawrence, Wendy O Williams lookalike Anna Nova, and anal queen Flick Shagwell. Guess what? Flick takes it up the ass and yells a lot. Same as it ever was. HU3 starts to look like a commercial for Trojans after awhile (that’d be some fuckin’ commercial, tho), but if you can get beyond the safe-sex ruse, there’s some gorgeous women and smokin’ sex scenes on display here. They GOTTA start dubbing Teri’s voice, tho.

Bonus: photo shoots, behind the scenes footage, start stats.

-Sleazegrinder