Press Release on Axel Braun.

Here's some hysterical excerpts:

Quote:


The persistent rumors of his illicit sexual conquests are as scandalous as they are spellbinding.




Spellbinding? I see the writer of this shit was channeling Liberace while pen was to paper. Uh... And wouldn't every sexual conquest in porn be "illicit"?

Quote:


The consummate expert on female squirting, his hands are insured, for two million dollars each, by Lloyd's of London.



It's true, this guy can make chicks piss. Just think of the possibilities if we all could channel this remarkable ability. Urination on command, a wonderful concept.

Quote:


Yes everything you've ever heard about director Axel Braun borders on being fantastical. Every single detail you've ever been told about this man is embroidered with a near mythical quality.




I just pissed myself laughing. Seriously, I'm now typing this while wallowing in a puddle of filtered Gatorade.

Jesus Christ, is this press release on Axel Braun or Peter Pan?

Quote:


Influenced by French cinema from Leo Carax's Les Amants Du Pont-Neuf, and American greats like Scorsese and Hitchcock, Axel's unique style is salacious with an acute attention to detail and form.




Hitchcock just did a backflip in his grave and Scorsese now has one foot in one after hearing that. I'm so flabbergasted by the audacity of this writer that I can actually feel my brain caving in. If my writing style starts to resemble Frankie's, you'll know why.


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"Bornyo sleeps under a bearskin that he killed and skinned when he was 5. He just stared the thing dead with mind bullets." - Floofin