For some, the Gauntlet can be time consuming. The only thing Jenna Jameson and I have in common is that we probably occupy the opposite ends of the Gauntlet record books, me for the fastest, her taking her diva-time (that and living in P.V.). When you're at the end...everyone lines up for a security check. There's a tight security control not on knives or guns or bad pimp outfits, but on cameras. AVN is eventually going to try and resell this. Which raincoater is gonna buy this CD? The most graphic sex in this show is Chi Chi Larue reaching down into it's jock to retieve some artifagts. That and some extended nipple licking and Randy Spears fucking a thawed, but uncooked, chicken. Randy Spears saves this show from being enormously boring, as you'll hear.

So you've cleared security and you buy something to drink. You're next accosted by the mob of porn reporters who wanna know what you think about all this. Just like fanboys will take a picture of anyone, porn reporters will interview anyone, including ME? What.The.Fuck? I'm sure there are some non-porn reporters there, hard to tell them apart. Some person did catch my eye, asked my name and who I was with. I gave her my name and said I was a guest of JM Productions, which was true.

"How did you become involved with them?"

I briefly explained XPT, fans & talent interacting, moderators, etc. etc. The same stuff we read the first time we ever visited XPT, and now have bookmarked past.

"So do you get involved in the filming process?"

Believe it or not, I anticipated this happening. Someone asking me the dumbest question ever. Is she a lucky reporter? I think, yessssssss. Yes, honey, there is a desparate need in porn for stuntcock of Irish descent that has Doron D's body type and has a receding hairline. But I have the comeback ready. "I don't make porn...I make light of it." With no notetaking done, this awkwardly ends the chat and I can finish a $6.00 Heineken.

I do take some time to watch the diva level as people file in. Some come in rather casually, Lexi Lamour seemed laid back, my right hand is familiar with her. Some stop to talk with the pornporters, actually many of them. The real attention whores get offended that they were not recognized by the cameras...so they double back and try again. Julia Bond dragged her suitcase "pimp" back through at least 4 times. Is he really a "pimp" if he's the one being led around? And sorry to single you out, Julia, but when you're dumb enough to have "Daddy's Little Girl" tattooed on the top of your ass... Then the ultra-divas arrive, who do the non-touching kiss, because you wouldn't want a little fraudulent kindness to spoil the trowel of junk on your face. As Jeff Mike advised, the key was to witness the fake emotions. You could feel the ghost of Ayn Rand over the whole affair.

I try my best to match names and faces, but it's hopeless unless you work full-time in that stuff. Earlier in the day I saw some whores peeved over a fanboy asking their names. Whore memo: there are too many of you to remember. I'm sorry. It's fun to try and keep up every now and then, but you are constantly changing (now acting, now retired, more boobs, lips, lipo, ass implants, on meth, off meth, you name it). When one of sufficient stroke-worthiness is found, we sometimes forget the others.

Next... Table 14

The most odd thing in your story is an Irishman drinking a Heineken. Blasphemy!

There was no Guinness, Harp, Murphy's, (ironically) no Jameson's, not even any (gulp) Bushmills.

Good, I can't stand that "Orange" wiskey.

Sounds like your having a blasht Willie. The stories are great. Keep 'em up boy!

Hey Willie DOUCHEBAD
I don't even care if you are a moderator. Your writing is so shitty.
Me, me, me, chicks are whores, me, me, me, I'm so over and above everything, more me, me, me, oh did I mention how I'm only here in an ironic sense? Me, me, me everything sucks but me.
No, dude, everything sucks INCLUDING you and your lame ass writing. Stop trying to get attention you fat fuck. Nobody cares about your belly-achin' which is really from eatin too much you walking heart-attack.

I'm forgetting who I said you were in the Brandon/Vanpiles etc thing...can you help me out?

I could explain it, but my sense is that you don't really care what I have to say.

Shit! I'm egocentric, aren't I? Wait, I did it again.

Now watch me give myself a smiley, jackass!

That post was about as good as can be expected from you Willie Douchebag. When you can't stick to your pat formula of I'm great/why am I around these people who are beneath me you are just fucking lost aren't you? You suck and you're so reptitious.