I have been reading the rants on this forum for several months now. I am just now posting because I have not walked out of my apartment since Oct. 10. I realized yesterday that it has been over two weeks now. In these two weeks almost every electrical appliance in my place has been turned off. The refrigerator was making me panic. The only things turned on have been the computer and television. I have had the same twelve DVD's playing in constant rotation. As I stated, I realized that I will have to walk over to the office in five days to pay the rent. This is my first step in confronting the outside world. Anyone reading this will probably be disgusted, and that is fine, because this post is not for sympathy. This is for myself; my therapy. If I do not return to reality soon, my trip to the office to simply hand a money order to the human beings, I fear may not go well. Right now is the time for me to confront myself and my current situation. Physically, it is apparent that I have consumed nothing but distilled water, skim milk, bananas, lima beans, methamphetamine, and wheat grass for quite a long period of time now. My throat is clear from talking to Gauge and Kitty on the television screen. The next thing I must do is cleanse my self,primarily, my face. Though, the most complicated step other than exposing this to the public(even this public)is getting past that peephole in my door. I have spent hours staring at this forum, the television screen, and through that peephole. That peephole is my biggest challenge. This is a screen,that television is a screen, but it is actual human bodies on the other side of that door. This is good; I am feeling more secure now that I am exposing in print. I may continue later. I thank you forum!